Sunday, March 28, 2010

Positive Spin

I think one of the biggest challenges single people face is keeping our self esteem up. Every little rejection, whether perceived or real, seems to take a toll on the way we see ourselves. When you've been single for a long time, the damage becomes more and more apparent in the way you think and carry yourself.

I struggle with this and so do most of my single friends. My initial responses to feelings of rejection are often something like this:

*A guy says "let's do something" but doesn't actually call = my thighs must be fat.
*A guy flirts with me but doesn't ask me out = I have a good personality, but I'm unattractive (a "sweet spirit" if you will).
*I haven't been asked out in a long time = I'm ugly and my ears stick out.
*I've been on several first dates but not as many second dates = my personality is lame.
*I cook dinner for a guy and he throws up = I'm a bad cook.
*A guy takes one look at me and says I'm under dressed for the symphony = I shouldn't have worn my "Team Jacob" t-shirt.

Years of these thoughts added one on top of another leave a single person with less than ideal self esteem. How do you fight this? Well, I have a guy friend who has amazing self esteem. I asked him how he does it and he said, "I just tell myself that every girl I know wants me." He told me that I should do that with guys too. I tried and couldn't manage it. But I do think I can change the sentences above into something positive:

*A guy says "let's do something" but doesn't actually call = he's watching a Walker Texas Ranger marathon and he lost his phone.
*A guy flirts with me but doesn't ask me out = he heard a rumor that I'm dating James Franco (and it turns out the rumor is true).
*I haven't been asked out in a long time = I should stop wearing my fake wedding ring.
*I've been on several first dates but not as many second dates = I need to stop challenging guys to "dance offs" on a first date.
*I cook dinner for a guy and he throws up = he's allergic to good cooking.
*A guy takes one look at me and says I'm under dressed for the symphony= He's jealous of my Team Jacob shirt. And with reason.

Yeah, I like this. I think turning negative self talk into positive, albeit ridiculous thoughts, might work. What are some of your positive affirmations? I'll give you some time to stare at the picture of James Franco before you comment.

And P.S., I won my first round of the blogger brawl! Thank you to those of you who voted for me! I'll need those votes again in a couple weeks for round two!


Priscilla said...

"Team Jacob" - that's perfect! I wouldn't have pegged you for the sullen, brooding, vampire type anyway.

Just remember, Elizabeth: it's NEVER YOU, it's ALWAYS HIM!! ;)

Elizabeth Downie said...

Haha, thanks Priscilla. Sadly, that scenario never really happened. But the saddest part is that I don't own a Team Jacob shirt. I'm going to have to fix that.

And thanks for the positive thought! ;)

The Lady Girl said...

haha oh my...if my husband wasn't sleeping right now I would be rolling on the ground and snort laughing. By far my favorite post liz! Your personality is awesome! Your negative thoughts are getting the best of you, and you are VERY attractive! I know that doesn't mean much coming from me, a girl, but if i was a guy.......
(that wasn't meant to weird you out)


brenda hatch said...

You go by Liz? That's what The Lady Girl called you.

When are you moving out west?! guys want you out here!

k nelle said...

It's the dance-offs on the first date that don't have them coming back for more? I was SO sure that was the only thing I was doing right...I'm so glad you've corrected that thinking!

Katherine said...

First, thank you for the James Franco picture-YOWZA!! ;) Second, we reeeeeallly need to get us some Team Jacob tees! He's so much dreamier than that other guy. Third, my affirmations usually consist of me saying that he must be all kinds of messed up not to appreciate all of THIS! (You can't see me, but I pointed to myself when I said that.) I also like you-know-who's advice about telling yourself that every guy is into you. Makes ya feel good! :)

The Lady Girl said...

Brenda- I actually don't know if she goes by Liz...I'm just trying to pretend like I know her really well :)

Anonymous said...

Did you see 'Remember Me'? yet? It was a surprise ending. Pretty tender. I loved it even though I thought I'd have to choke down the romance.

Drake said...

I approve of your James Franco relationship. He's one of those actors who doesn't take himself too seriously.

Exhibit A:

Exhibit B:

He parodies himself. Anyone willing to make themselves look like a vapid, self-absorbed prettyboy while in actuality possessing the wit to write/perform in sketches like that for the amusement of the internet gets a thumbs up in my book.

Heather said...

"I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and gosh darnit, people like me!"

(by the by: I don't know how well I would handle it if James Franco was my brother-in-law...i'd sit at every one of our family functions and stare and drool....)

Anonymous said...

first it was the Utah player and now this Franco dude. I don't see anything out of this world in them. hahaha

I agree that you do need to move west...Southwest.

An admirer from the distance. ;)

Kristin McElderry said...

Hey Elizabeth!
FYI... you were in my dream last night. I was driving by and I saw you taking bridal portraits (Katherine was taking them of you). Your dress was cute (lacy shrug too). Lol. Anything your not telling me?

Dianna said...

Hello Elizabeth!
Wanna 'stare' at more Franco photos & perhaps 'dream a little dream'? Better go visit my blog!

- Dianna

Elizabeth Downie said...

Kristin, that's too funny. No, I am not getting married. Not now anyway, hopefully at some point in the future. :) But you know what's funny? You are the second person who's had a dream about me in a white dress in the last couple weeks.

Anonymous...I'll think about it. ;)

Lady Girl - you can call me Liz if you want to. I go by Elizabeth but I don't mind Liz. :)

Brenda - how do you know they like me? I could move there and be sorely disappointed. lol But I love it. Your comments make me laugh.

Kara - guys love doing dance offs. Never stop.

Drake - I'm going to check out those videos tonight! I love James Franco - he cracks me up.

And Diana, I think I've met my match. I'll concede you are a much bigger fan than I. Thanks for the eye candy. ;)

Kwo Ling said...

So help me out with this negative thought: I've been "the other woman" six times now = I'm a harlot.

The best I got is: It's not my fault he has such bad timing and can't keep it to himself. I just came for a visit.

Sarah said...

CONGRATS ON YOUR MUCH-DESERVED BLOGGER BRAWL WIN!!! :) I'm not at all surprised, of course, being that I've known you were a tremendously talented writer of boy/girl drama since we started passing notes to each other in high school! :)

And here's one:

Negative thought: We have a great date, and then the guy practically runs away at what should be the simple post-date hug = my pheromones must repel men

Positive spin: We have a great date, and then the guy practically runs away at what should be the simple post-date hug = he just realized he left his oven on!!

I have TONS more where that came dating years are full of guys reacting badly to me! :)

Emily said...

Yay! Congratulations. Way to kick blogger brawl butt. Team Jacob!

Anonymous said...

I don't know. Does it work for you. They say the way we behavior has to do with what's in our subconscious minds. It's like that affirmation, "Everyday in every way I am getting better and better." It doesn't work for most people since most of us don't actually believe it....and this is what that is isn't it? An affiramation of what you want to belive is the truth? Awww, please I believe you'll be married and laughing about all this in a year or two so relax. Smiles!

Robert said...

Elizabeth!! Did you just accept some sort of proposal from Anonymous?? You went from talk of people having dreams of you in a white dress to saying "I'll think about it Anonymous". hehe. Say it ain't so! No offense Anonymous. ;) Or does this mean that you have sent James Franco a Book of Mormon and he loves it?!

Good blog. It's always good to be positive. I'm glad you mentioned the dance offs though! They always make me tired on the date and if I don't have enough time to wind down after exercising I sometimes get nauseous and throw up.

Elizabeth Downie said...

Haha, no Robert, I didn't accept a proposal from Anonymous - how could I? I don't know who he is. I'm glad you're cool with dance offs. lol (I'm not!)

Brady said...

Wait, are dance offs ok on the second date?

Robert said...

Good to know, Elizabeth. I was a little worried you were taken with the mysterious type.

For the record, I don't even like dances when they are planned, much less a spontaneous dance-off on a date! Feel free to discourage any girls out there from having dance-offs with their dates.

After watching that video, I am thinking that James Franco may have to wash out his mouth before you take him home to mom!

Dianna said...

I agree, Robert! I'll bring the soap!