Friday, February 21, 2014

Full House Without __________

After watching one of the best youtube videos I've ever seen yesterday, "Full House Without Michelle," (seen below)

my coworker and I had a conversation about which Full house character we would get rid of if we had to. Without much thought or debate, we both easily settled on Joey. Reasons:

1. "Cut it out" isn't funny now and it never was.
2. Did I mention his "comedy"? Painful.
3. The voice immitations. Over done. Popeye was not relevant in the 80's. Or 90's. Stop with the voice.
4. The sweaters. I don't understand them. Was he trying to compete with Bill Cosby?
5. His girlfriends. Remember that girlfriend who was also a "comedian" and had that SUPER annoying little girl voice? She totally took over Joey and Jesse's radio show that one day. She wasn't even funny! Maybe that's why they were compatible. (See #2)
6. I can't emphasis this enough: "Cut it out." No. I won't cut it out. You cut it out.

It's not like we hate Joey. We would just kick him out first.

Reason's Joey's ok:

1. That time he let Stephanie and DJ stay up late to see Tiffany live in Tokyo (though that had bad consequences).
2. Dave Coulier is from Michigan.
3. Good with the girls. And Comet.

I made some "Joey's sweaters" collages to remind you just how bad they were. This is just a small percentage of his awful wardrobe:

Which member of the Full House family would you get rid of if you had to?

Thursday, February 20, 2014

Weds... er, Thursday Thoughts

Oops.... Kinda missed Wednesday Thoughts yesterday. The day was super busy and just kind of got away from me. Let's just pretend it's Wednesday at 36 o'clock. 

My grandma is starting to get dementia. It comes and goes. Sometimes she's completely lucid. Other times she's really confused.  This is a conversation I had with her when she called me at 1:30 Tuesday night:

Grandma: where is everyone?
Me: In bed, grandma. It's 1:30 in the morning.
Grandma: I'm here all by myself!
Me: Yes, because it's the middle of the night. Go back to sleep.
Grandma: No one has been here all day.
Me: Grandma, my mom was there in the evening, then she went home and went to bed. She'll be back to see you tomorrow.
Grandma: No one told me they wouldn't be here!
Me: She was there, and she'll be back. It's the middle of the night. Go back to bed.
Grandma (clearly annoyed and NOT believing me): I guess I'll just go back to bed then.
Me: Go back to bed. Go to sleep. It's 1:30 in the morning. People will be over to see you tomorrow.
Grandma: Fine.

Poor grandma. When she's lucid she's really frustrated that her brain is short-circuiting.

In other thoughts, we had a bit of a thaw yesterday. Just enough to fill the sidewalks with water which then froze again. But fissures formed in the ice everywhere and the sound of running water made me hopeful. In fact, it got up to around 40 degrees, which honestly almost felt uncomfortably warm! (Don't worry, I'll adjust. That is NOT a complaint!)

So, are any of you into the Olympics? Yeah, me neither. I think the reason I feel this way is because I get too nervous for the Olympians. All those years of working out and preparing, and then they fall, or slip, or drop their partner.... It's just too much for my nerves! Obviously, most of them don't have embarrassing disasters. Most of them do wonderfully. But every now and then, disaster occurs and it's too much for me. I just want to hop a plane to Sochi and give them a batch of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies and a big hug. And frankly, that flight is outside of my budget. So I just avoid the Olympics, for the most part.  Because I can't afford a sympathy flight to Sochi.

Lastly, in Weds Thursday thoughts, last night around 11:30, I was feeling kinda guilty for not writing Weds. Thoughts. Why? Because there is one person who often tells me she is waiting for it, and looks forward to it. It's so nice for me to know there's someone out there who looks forward to posts! So I am going to give a special shout-out to Sarah L.! I wrote a special poem for you, Sarah:

Thank you for being a friend.
Traveled down the road, and back again.
Your heart is true. You're a pal and a confidant.
And if you threw a party, invited everyone you knew
You would see the biggest gift would be from me 
And the card attached would say:
Thank you for being a friend.

Happy Thursday!

Friday, February 14, 2014

A shout out to my Valentine

TV,  you are always there for me. Today I celebrate you in all your forms - Netflix, cable, Hulu plus, On Demand, TiVo, and so on. 

TV, you're amazing. 

Happy Valentine's Day.

(I'm into books too - stop judging me.)

Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Rejected Candy Hearts

Last night on Twitter, I noticed a hashtag game going on. The hashtag was "rejected candy hearts." You know those chalky, gross candy hearts that are forced on us in our most vulnerable state (half way through winter) and have those dumb or racy messages on them? Those are the ones we're talking about here.

Some of them were pretty funny. Here are some examples:

"I'm not famous anymore #RejectedCandyHearts" - @jeffminston

"My eyes are up here #RejectedCandyHearts" - @ImFordTough

"Thanks for birthing me #RejectedCandyHearts" - @imbrucetheshark

"I have plenty more in my van #RejectedCandyHearts" - @BarrettAll

"Help I'm trapped in a candy heart factory please send help #RejectedCandyHearts" - @Igotssmarts

"Real elf heart #RejectedCandyHearts" - @Thing_Finder

I thought it would be fun to join in on the fun, so I made some myself. Here they are:

What are your rejected candy heart ideas?

Wednesday Thoughts

I'm a winter wuss. I've lived in Michigan pretty much my whole life but I have never gotten used to winter. In the summer, I romanticize winter. I picture it as being this super cozy time where there's snow on the ground but the air outside doesn't hurt. Everyone is just sipping hot chocolate, wearing cute chunky scarves, watching movies under a blanket, and looking out the window at the falling snow.

The parts I forget about in this fantasy are too numerous to list. But I'll try. Scraping car windows, getting snow in my shoes/boots, having my nose freeze the moment I walk out the door, shoveling, slipping on ice, my car getting stuck in snow, parking in the snow, gross slushy roads, not wanting to go outside, etc...

I don't feel like I'm thriving right now. I feel like I'm in survival mode. I go to work, I go home, and once I'm home, I don't want to go out again until I have to (as in work the next morning). If I can get out of winter with any friends left who aren't mad at me for my antisocial winter ways, it will be a miracle.

I really do feel like a large part of my personality is buried under the snow and cold. 

I think this is supposed to be the part of the post where I say "so, here's what I'm going to do to solve my problem," then share some tips to help anyone else struggling with winter. But I can't. I haven't figured it out yet.

Right now I'm taking it one day at a time. I have started checking things off my long to-do list. I'm un-burying myself little by little. I go on and look at vacation deals to tropical places. I pretend I can afford those vacations and think about warm sunshine on my skin. And outdoor smells that I miss so much. Remember the smell of cut grass? Glorious.

I need a vacation. I need some snuggles. I need a hot dog from Comerica Park. I need to wear flip flops.

Instead I stay inside and read and craft and Netflix (just made that a verb). I exercise, I bake, I exercise again to fix the damage done by baking. I survive winter. Inside. As long as I'm inside, I'm happy.

When I hear people say they like winter, I am genuinely shocked.  I get some of it - the snow is pretty. Inside is cozy. But what else? What do these people like? I need to know.

It is pretty though. I'll give you that. On my drive in to work this morning, I noticed that the trees look like they'd been dipped in white paint. They looked so pretty, and so enchanting. Moments like that help me remember that I like the seasons. Well, I like three of the seasons. (Actually only two of the seasons. Spring can't be trusted.)

I'm sorry. This Wednesday Thoughts isn't funny. It's not even particularly interesting. But these are my thoughts today and getting my thoughts is really all I can guarantee in Wednesday Thoughts.

If you made it this far, I'll share with you this funny thing I saw online earlier today. The silliness of it was too much for me this morning. Am I getting loopy or is this funny? Don't answer that.

What about this one? It also killed me.

(source for both)

Happy Wednesday!

Tuesday, February 11, 2014

How to spend Valentine's Day when you're single

1. Eat whatever you want. Where ever you want. Don't worry about making interesting conversation. Don't worry about that ketchup on your lip. You'll wipe it off when you feel like it.

2. Think about how lucky anyone would be to date you. Strut your stuff.

3.Call your other single friends and see what they're up to.

4. Be your crazy self. You're not trying to impress anyone! You're single and loving it!

5. Look in the windows of fancy restaurants, pitying the couples who are trying to live up to the expectations of Valentine's Day.

6. Go to the gym and enjoy having the place to yourself! No awkwardly trying to look straight ahead on the treadmill!

7. Wonder what your ex is up to.

But only for a few minutes. Don't dwell on it because...

8.Once you've done that, you'll inevitably start to wonder what's wrong with you...

(it doesn't.)

9. Find a good friend to hang out with!

10. Know that when the time is right, you'll find the right one.

But for real, Valentine's Day is better when you're single. No expectations at all. Just hang out with friends and have fun.

What do you like to do on Valentine's Day?

Monday, February 10, 2014

Looking for a special Valentine card? Look no further!

I hope at least one of these melts that specials someone's heart!

Thursday, February 6, 2014

How to drive a person crazy

Sometimes I get bored. Then I remind myself, "wait... I have younger siblings who could probably use some tormenting."

Last week, my sisters and I were having a long conversation via Facebook messaging. A lot of it was about coupon codes, music, and the polar vortex. I only got really involved with it when someone mentioned Jackée in passing. You know, Jackée Harry from Sister, Sister?

From that point on, I became 100% invested in the conversation. But mostly I was invested in driving my sister, Heather, insane.

I started responding to the messages as Jackée. Jackée said the same thing I would have said, but she said it for me. And she said it with her unique Jackée twist. 

Below is a small sampling of the messages. 

After about three Jackée responses, I started to wonder if Heather was losing it yet. I told a friend, "I think she's starting to snap, but she's not there yet. I have to push a little harder." The friend I was talking to is an only child, and I think he was feeling grateful for that fact after hearing about what I was up to.

Aren't you sad I'm not your older sister?

Finally, I got the response I was looking for:


I could tell in her tone that when she said she was "on the brink" she meant she was past the brink. I'm not the only one who still loves messing with their siblings, right?

Wednesday, February 5, 2014

Wednesday Thoughts

I have some Wednesday Thoughts writers block today. I feel like my thoughts are buried today. Probably under all the snow. It won't stop snowing.

I ate a Snickers bar earlier to "help" (with what, I don't know). But it wasn't enough. I need another. But I can't have another because I'm an adult and that would be irresponsible. Responsible adults don't eat two Snickers bars in one day. I'll just continue to fill my belly with air popped popcorn and diet Coke because that's healthy. That's responsible.

I just realized what this Wednesday Thoughts is going to be like. Stream of consciousness.

You know what I miss in the winter? Smells. I know there are still some smells available in the winter but not as many as in other seasons. The cold and snow deaden and cover all the earthy smells. And there are no outdoor festivals where you smell that combination of cigarettes in the distance and corn dogs. I know cigarettes are gross and I hate the smell of them up close, but I love that outdoor festival smell. And the smell of the fair with that farm-y manure-y smell and maybe some exhaust mixed in? Mmmmm, I miss it.The smell of people being together. Remember barbecue smells? And sun screen? And the smell of the lake? And sparklers?

I've been trying to figure out where I can smell some new and comforting smells lately and I'm coming up empty. Restaurants? Nah. They just smell like food. And while I LOVE food, that's not a new or unique smell. Hardware stores smell good and so do craft stores but they're still indoor smells. And they're only interesting in small doses. Gas stations - too cold. Much too cold. Plus, a little smell of gasoline is nice, but more than that and you might have a problem. I guess I'll have to wait until spring for more smells.

Gosh I sound like some kind of smell junky.

I don't have a problem though. I can quit whenever I want.

In other thoughts, I've been making some special Valentine's cards for you guys. Want a sneak peek? Here's one of them:

I think you're going to like the rest. I'll put them up in the next week.

Happy Wednesday!

Tuesday, February 4, 2014

My reaction when I hear we're getting more snow

I know I shouldn't be surprised. It's only the beginning of February. But this is still my reaction.

Monday, February 3, 2014


People in Michigan are fond of saying that although it is technically the shortest month of the year, February is actually the longest. The reason being that it's cold and dark and seems to drag on and on. But I'm here to tell you that February is ok. And here are some reasons why.

1. Super Bowl! I don't even really like football all that much, but I like the Super Bowl. For the commercials mainly (and the snacks!). My favorites last night were the Budweiser horse and dog one (though I'm confused about the nature of their relationship), the Butterfingers cups one (with the couple in therapy) and the one with Bruce Willis and Fred Armison hugging. Also, a little fun fact: I barfed in the middle of the Super Bowl last night. 

2. Black history month!! Here's are some great reasons to celebrate Black History Month:

I say "slavery" you say "sorry!"


3. Valentine's Day. We've been over this one before. Yes, yes, I know. I've heard your arguments (it's a made up holiday! it's single awareness day! Charlie Brown hates it). But you've also heard my arguments (it's about the color red! it's about chocolate! and love in general!). And may I emphasize the chocolate part. If no one else is buying you any, buy yourself some! Who even cares? Let's be real here: Valentine's Day is actually much easier when you're not in a relationship. Buy yourself a heart shaped box of chocolates, turn on Netflix, and have a great evening.

4. It has that hidden R people like to argue about. It's not FebUary it's FebRUary. Or FebruANY if you work for Subway. Or your name is Jared.

5. Every four years, there's a leap year. That's kind of interesting, right? February is the only month with that little twist.

6. My mom's birthday is in February. Not only that, it's TODAY!!! Happy birthday, mom!!

7. The Olympics. If you're into it, which I never really have been. I'll watch some, and I admire the athletes and all, but if I miss the whole thing on accident, it's all good. That's not very patriotic of me, is it? What I meant to say was: U.S.A.! U.S.A.! 

8. It's not January.

What do you guys think? Are you ok with February?