1. Please don't tag me in ugly pictures. I know you look cute in that picture, but I don't. Crop yourself out or just don't post it. I'm trying to get married here and that hideous picture is not helping things.
2. Don't write a cryptic status update that makes me worry about you but doesn't give me any details about what's actually happening. For example:
- "Robin Smith just can't take it anymore!! And is about to lose it!! And it's been nice knowing you!"
- "Carry Allen is really going to miss him."
- "Tom Miller's life has just changed forever. And not in a good way."
3. If you're a cute guy and I have a crush on you, update your Facebook page more often please. I'm trying to Facebook stalk you and I need updates.
4. If you're a close friend, please don't let me hear major news about you in your status update before you tell me in person. If you're engaged, pregnant, or dying, please call me before you update your status. All I want to hear about in your status update is how your day is going, what you're eating, and when you're going on vacation so I can rob you.
5. If you are super political and think everyone who disagrees with you is an idiot, please don't write about it on FB all the time. Is that really any way to talk to your "friends"? (Or maybe FB friends are different than normal friends?)
6. Don't say you're in a complicated relationship unless you're joking. That's so dang embarrassing for the rest of us to read. Plus, it makes us super curious which is just not fair. If you're going to post that, the least you could do is elaborate.
7. If you're my friends and you did something really fun that you didn't invite me to, don't post pictures of it that will show up in my news feed. (Haha!)
8. If you were injured and it's really bloody and disgusting, please don't post a picture of it. I beg of you.
Ok, I think that's all I have for now. What are some of your requests?