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Friday, July 2, 2010

Some simple Facebook requests

A short list of requests from me to my Facebook friends:

1. Please don't tag me in ugly pictures. I know you look cute in that picture, but I don't. Crop yourself out or just don't post it. I'm trying to get married here and that hideous picture is not helping things.

2. Don't write a cryptic status update that makes me worry about you but doesn't give me any details about what's actually happening. For example:
  • "Robin Smith just can't take it anymore!! And is about to lose it!! And it's been nice knowing you!"
  • "Carry Allen is really going to miss him."
  • "Tom Miller's life has just changed forever. And not in a good way."
I don't know what those mean! Should I bring over a casserole? What if I barely know you but you were in one of my classes in college so I accepted your friend request? Should I comment on your status?

3. If you're a cute guy and I have a crush on you, update your Facebook page more often please. I'm trying to Facebook stalk you and I need updates.

4. If you're a close friend, please don't let me hear major news about you in your status update before you tell me in person. If you're engaged, pregnant, or dying, please call me before you update your status. All I want to hear about in your status update is how your day is going, what you're eating, and when you're going on vacation so I can rob you.

5. If you are super political and think everyone who disagrees with you is an idiot, please don't write about it on FB all the time. Is that really any way to talk to your "friends"? (Or maybe FB friends are different than normal friends?)

6. Don't say you're in a complicated relationship unless you're joking. That's so dang embarrassing for the rest of us to read. Plus, it makes us super curious which is just not fair. If you're going to post that, the least you could do is elaborate.

7. If you're my friends and you did something really fun that you didn't invite me to, don't post pictures of it that will show up in my news feed. (Haha!)

8. If you were injured and it's really bloody and disgusting, please don't post a picture of it. I beg of you.

Ok, I think that's all I have for now. What are some of your requests?

23 comments:

Heather said...

This post is one of my favorites. It's all so true. Those cryptic one's are so true, a few months ago I started writing one's like, "the falcon strikes at midnight" just so I could feel a part of things.

I agree with everything said, I'd also like to add

*Stop telling me how much you hate anything ville or mafia etc. If you don't like it hide my status updates. We all have our things we like to play, get off my back about it.

*Stop posting every hour.
"going to dinner"
"at dinner, yummy"
"done with dinner, drank to much water, onto the bathroom"
...I don't need to know your every move.

opticwalrus said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Dallan said...

Two things for you.

1. Have you checked out the site lamebook.com? It is hilarious (although somewhat naughty at times).

2. A girl in my ward who is having trouble losing her pregnancy weight posted this as her status yesterday: "I need some mom jeans/pants w/ a wide waistband that I can fit over my muffin top and won't slide down. Suggestions?"

lizzie mc.- said...

Thanks for this, I'm glad I'm not the only one who dislikes when others disagree. Did you think everyone thought the same as you? And of course most importantly, no.1!

I love that you say everything that none of us express. Funny as always!

Melanie said...

Don't worry any relationship changes on my facebook are always jokes. I keep relationships to real life only. No one would believe me anymore even if I did post something :P

Heather said...

That is hilarious and true. I enjoyed reading that.

My only addition would be. If you post complaining about how much you have to do today - maybe you should LOG OFF and go do it!

Evonne said...

I love your list.

I'd like to add do not type your status in all caps. There is really no need to yell like that when all you did was go to work and do laundry.

Katherine said...

I agree with Heedj and Lizzie - one of my favorite posts, and you really do say what we're all thinking! Ha! I was laughing out loud the whole time! I really do get frustrated with status updates in FB. (But also agree with Heedj about letting me enjoy my Farm without getting on my back about it...)

I think it's scary how much we're used to posting our every move, too. I don't want to know, but I'm sure Big Brother does!

I keep wanting to talk about each point you made, but then my comment will be too long! Seriously hilarious post!! I think I may need to do a new status update...

Linda said...

I loved this post. I laughed out loud all of the way through. I agree, agree, agree.

Robin said...

Hilarious. I hope you posted this on your facebook site in your notes!

~ Malissa ~ said...

HA! You know, it's about time somebody posts a liner or two (or 8) about the annoyances of Facebook! I think some of my pet peeves are similar to Heather's..especially ones like,

"Oh my heck! Getting ready for the awesome party tonight!'
"Wow, having so much fun at this party I'm at!!"
"Can't believe how much fun that was...getting some sleep so I can have more fun at another party tomorrow!!"

Really? Your life is THAT exciting...tell me more! :-p

Eloy Trevino said...

Classic.

Vaughn said...

all i have to say is quit "poking" me!

Quit inviting me do your dungeons and Dragons conventions, i dont want to go to your Spock meetings and when i delete you as a friend because of these things dont add me again only to invite me to more of your shenanigans, Brittany Davies. Maybe we should not mention any names.

Everyone please add me as a friend on facebook and i will update my status as much as possible with the most ridiculous and incredulous things i can think up....

Crystal said...

Love this post - and I absolutely agree!

I would add to please stop posting the things about "post this if you love your family" or "this week is husband's week" or "99% of people won't take the time to repost this".

It also annoys me when people publish every single thing they do on facebook. If you want to check your horoscope, whatever. But why publish it for everyone else to see? It's your horoscope, not mine.

Also, it is really necessary to post every single picture you took of your kids or on your vacation? I like photos, but I don't have the time or inclination to go through that.

And lastly, if you love your spouse/significant other, that is fabulous. But please don't type cutesy little messages to each other for all the rest of us to see.

Lady Baillio said...

Ugh. I have failed you often. I don't do it to upset you.

Lynne Bell said...

LOL TOO true! I found out that my cousin was engaged (he lives in the same town and I didn't even know he was seeing anyone!) because someone congratulated him on facebook. Then I found out when he and his wife got pregnant the same way. I complained a bit but then when his sister got engaged...same thing. can you say ANNOYING! Especially from family members. I at least made sure to tell every family member and closer friends before posting on FB...loved this post! all too true!

Ryan @ TheSinglesWard said...

Funny, I have a draft of a post saved about social networking annoyances. Perhaps I'll go ahead and post it.

Amy Mauch said...

Hmmm, yeah, so when things get serious and I get proposed to, I should post, "You'll never guess what I got asked today..." Or would you shoot me for posting that and then trying to tell you in person? not like I'm expecting it in the next 12 months...

k nelle said...

this was great. I really like 1-3.

The Lady Girl said...

please no more world cup updates!

The Lady Girl said...

P.S.Elizabeth Downie. I'm going to search for you on facebook now...and please tell me if my status updates are ridicules or not. hahaha

Ashley said...

I wish my friends posted more when they're gone so I could go steal their stuff....
I have to agree with you about being informed of big news by close people via Facebook. I've been spurned with that.
Also, have to agree with many above comments about spammers, whether it be via pictures, status updates, games, or applications. I have a friend who has an application that plot points where he is on Google Maps and posts it on Facebook. I don't care if you're at Meijers. Maybe I should go rob him....

Joyce and Bill said...

So many rules... if everyone was the same who would there be to talk about?