Sunday, January 31, 2010

To know or not to know?

You know what really stinks? Finding out something bad about yourself that you didn't realize before. Like when you see what you look like from behind from the first time in awhile and realize you need to lay off the cookies. Or when you meet a new person and they don't seem to find you charming or interesting.

A couple times recently I've had moments where it was brought to my attention once more that I am not perfect. Oh, you didn't know I wasn't perfect? Well, I'm sorry I broke the news to you so abruptly but sadly it's true.

No one said to me, "Wow, you're super obnoxious" or "You're really not as funny as you think you are." Those are just sort of lingering impressions I've had a couple times recently after spending time with people I've just met.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not depressed about these feelings, I'm just making an observation. Of course, it's not news to me that I have annoying qualities but I guess I'm not always aware of what exactly those annoying qualities are. And I suppose I'm not actively seeking out this information either.

Do any of us really know what annoys other people about us? Does the person who talks with their mouth full realize they're doing it? Does the person who acts like they know everything know that they don't seem interesting, but rather like a know-it-all?

And here's the question - is it good to know these things about ourselves? Will it help us? Or is it better to get rid of all two way mirrors so we don't realize how big our butts have gotten (so to speak)?

And PS, I'm not asking you to let me know of annoying qualities I have that I might not be aware of, so please don't misread this post and start making lists. I can't emphasise that enough.

Thursday, January 28, 2010

We interrupt our regular programming...

I know I'm a nerd but ohmygosh ohmygosh ohmygosh!

....four more days...

(Obvious spoiler alert: don't watch this if you're not up to date with your LOST viewing. And p.s., shame on you if you aren't.)

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Wednesday Thoughts

I recently found out that my health insurance premiums are going up this year. The changes are manageable, but at this rate I can only imagine what my rates will be next year. So I've decided that I have one option: marry rich within the next year. And by rich I mean someone with really good health insurance. It's not as shallow as it sounds, I mean, he'd get something out of it too, I'm sure. What, you ask? Well, first of all, thanks a lot. But I'll answer anyway (in a bit).

My friend Kathy and I were thinking that instead of going about the traditional route of meeting someone and falling in love (takes too long), I'd have a reality show of some sort (Japanese game show style) called "Healthy Heart." To get some contestants for the show, Kathy posted a craigslist posting for it (I would highly recommend clicking on this link - Kathy is very funny).

It's already gotten several responses. One guy asked if I want to get together for Jenga and wine. One woman introduced herself as looking for love (I don't think she actually read the posting), and another guy said he makes in the high six figures and has the best health insurance around. He added that he does all the household chores and gives amazing back rubs. (I'm not making this up!)

I think it's obvious who our front runner is.

The things we do for health insurance. I mean love. Ok, we all know I mean health insurance. But you know, love is still important of course and it could happen over time. Stop judging me.

Sunday, January 24, 2010

On edge

I know I've already blogged about "the un-friending" on facebook. I've confessed that I have un-friended people who I've had little to no contact with in years, or who seriously annoy me (ok, I didn't say that part, but I've done it for that reason too). But I've never un-friended any of you, so no need to fret. I'm not in any way threatening you or warning you to be on your best behavior. Unlike a facebook friend of mine who I will call Blake.

Lately Blake has decided to start warning us, his FB friends, that it's un-friending time. About a week ago, he announced it in his status update. He got a bunch of comments saying things like, "I'm so glad I made the cut!" And begging, "Please don't delete me!"

Then yesterday I logged on and saw he had updated his status to say that he had decided to only have 150 FB friends and if we were reading his status, it meant we made the cut. I found myself feeling really relieved that I'd made it. Why!? This is a guy who I don't know very well, who is about ten years younger than me and with whom I've had increasingly less and less contact since meeting last summer. He's a good guy and I like him but I haven't been very aware of him until I found out I might not be working hard enough to deserve to stay on his friend list.

His status update left me with a handful of questions:

1) Why did I make the cut?
2) Why do I feel so relieved?
3) What do I have to do to make sure I don't get cut in the future?"
and lastly,
4) Why do I care?

Ok, I know those questions sound really dramatic (except the last one) but they weren't as dramatic as they sound. I only wept for joy for 20, maybe 30 minutes once I found out I'd made it.

But I was pretty intrigued... This guy has on on our toes. That particular status update got a ton of comments from friends thanking Blake for not un-friending them. I can't help but wonder if he's doing some kind of sociological experiment or playing psychological mind games on us. He's trying to let us know that his Facebook friendship is not something we should take for granted.

I've already sent him a dozen roses and a box of chocolates by way of thanking him for keeping me on his list.

His plan is working.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

It's me.

How many phone numbers do you have saved on your cell phone? A lot, right? Do you save the phone numbers of everyone you've ever talked to on the phone? Forever? Every now and then I go through my phone and delete a bunch of numbers I figure I won't be needing anymore. This has gotten me in trouble on several occasions.

Here's one example. I went on a date early last summer with a guy and it wasn't really a success (understatement) and by around September I noticed his name in my numbers list and decided that since I hadn't heard from him since, and I because had no intention of calling him, it shouldn't be a problem to delete his number. Fastforward to October when I had the following awkward textversation with him (I didn't know it was him since I had deleted him):

His text: "Hey, how are you?"
Me, figuring I could maybe find out who it was through context: "Fine. What's new with you?"
Him: "Not much, how've you been?"
Me, starting to kind of panic...."Good! You?" went on like this a couple more texts until I finally had to say, "This is embarrassing, but I don't have your number in my phone. Can you remind me who this is?
Him: "Oh! It's me, _______. We went on a date this summer.... we went to ______.....we ate at _________...I met you through _______..." Giving more information than was necessary, clearly thinking that because I didn't have his number saved I also had no memory of him anymore.)
"Oh of course I remember you! How are you?"


Then a few days ago I had a textversation in which I had no idea who the person was and which ended with them saying, "love ya" in the last text. Huh? Who loves me? I'm assuming it's a girl because guys don't usually say "love ya." It's too late to find out now. At that point it would have been awkward to ask.

I've been on the other side of this too. I used to have this really close friend, we'll call him Brent. Brent helped me get through a difficult time in my life and was one of my closest friends for awhile. He decided one spring to head out west for school in the fall. Over the summer before he left we started drifting apart in anticipation of his leaving but I still considered him one of my good friends and we got together as time permitted. About a month after he left, I realized I hadn't heard from him in awhile so I texted him and said, "Hey! What's up?!" He responded with "Who's this?"

I was IRATE. I immediately called him and without saying who I was, said, "I can't BELIEVE you deleted my number from your phone!!" He recognized my voice and started laughing while at the same time saying, "I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry!" He explained that he was dating this girl and was afraid she'd be jealous if he had a bunch of girls phone numbers in his phone. I told him that was insane and that we were just friends so she shouldn't care. He agreed and returned my phone number to his phone, motivated I'm sure by fear of what would happen if he didn't.

This deleted number thing reminds me of the old days before caller ID when people would call and instead of saying, "Hi, it's (insert name here)," they'd say, "Hey, it's me." Leaving you to quickly sort through your friends and figure out who it was from just those three syllables.

But this is a bit worse because with that, if you guessed wrong you could just say, "oh, sorry, you sounded different, must be a bad connection." But when it comes to cell phones, people expect you to know who it is because you have their number saved. No one memorizes anyone's numbers anymore - if it's not saved in your phone, you have no way of calling them. So when you delete someone from your phone, you're basically saying, "I'm done with you. I expect we'll never talk again and I'm fine with that."

Which brings me back to my original question: how long should I save a person's phone number? Have you gotten into trouble with this before?

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Wednesday Thoughts

I have to admit that I'm surprised at the responses I got from my last post. Your comments and e-mails seemed to overwhelmingly say that no, women should not ask men out. Or at the very least, it should be done with extreme caution. Even though that's pretty much what I thought, and I agree, I'm still dissatisfied with that answer. But if you had said that yes, women should go for it, I would have disagreed so I'm not sure what I wanted to hear.

Random thought: what is it about low fat food? Why is some of it so gross? I got some fat free veggie dip yesterday and it's completely inedible.

I'm so tired I just wrote "unedible" instead of "inedible." It reminds me of when Ralph from the Simpsons said, "Me fail English? That's unpossible!"

Wow, this "Wednesday Thoughts" is more random than usual. Let's move on.

Here's a question. Let's say you're having one of those days or nights when nothing seems like it will work out and you're feeling really blah. What kind of music should you listen to? Something upbeat to try to cheer yourself up? Or something that matches your feelings so you can just hole up for the evening and allow the melancholia to wash over you? What say you? (I can't believe I just wrote "what say you" - I am going to have to seriously consider skipping the renaissance festival this year. Next thing you know, I'm going to be saying "huzzah" and you know I'm morally opposed to that.)

Happy Wednesday.

Sunday, January 17, 2010

A big question

I have a question for you, my blogging friends. Should a woman ask a man on a date? I've always been kind of against this because I have a theory that men think they like it but they actually don't. I feel like if a guy is interested in you, he will ask you out. But is that always true?

What do you think? Is it a bad idea to ask a guy on a date?

To my guy friends who read my blog, I would especially like your advice. But girls, I'd love to hear your opinions or experiences as well!

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Foods to avoid on a first date

Notice I said first. After that, it's cool to be a slob.

Salad - every bite is unpredictable. Lettuce is notoriously cut unevenly and let's face it, each forkful provides a new challenge. Not to mention all the other variables: croutons, cheese, rings of onions, too-big tomatoes. All of these things are dangerous and could leave a trail of ranch dressing on your cheek with no warning. Or fall off your fork and onto your lap. I'm sort of an expert on this last part.

Pasta - similar to salad in that each uneven and messy bite provides you with more stress than you need on a first date. Don't get me started on spaghetti. That one should be avoided unless you're married or one of the dogs in Lady and the Tramp.

Ice cream cones. Years ago a friend told me that how you lick an ice cream cone is how you kiss. I don't think that's true, but I haven't been able to eat an ice cream cone in mixed company since without feeling judged and self conscious.

Tacos - Justin mentioned this one to me when I was telling him about this list. He couldn't be more right. You have the shell breaking, the cheese falling out, the mouth open wide. It's a recipe for disaster. Delicious disaster.

Popcorn - let's just agree that it's a good thing that popcorn is usually eaten in the dark. The number of popcorn kernels in hand and popcorn kernels that make it into the mouth are not the same in my experience. My friend Heidi blogged about this recently and went into better detail if you want to check it out.

Smores. This idea came from Katherine and as soon as she said it I wondered how I hadn't thought of it. All three ingredients are an accident waiting to happen - the melted chocolate on your lips, the clump of marshmallow stuck to your chin, and the crumbs from the Graham crackers all over your shirt...well, if you get a second date after this, you must be really hot.

Do you have any to add?

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Wednesday Thoughts

I've become involved with a cause. The cause is to keep Conan O'Brien on at 11:35 as the host of the Tonight Show. So far my efforts have involved joining two Facebook groups. Obviously I'm making a difference. What would Conan do without me?

Monday was my birthday and I haven't found the strength yet to say my new age out loud. Don't dare ask me what it is, please. I can't say it yet. I was forced to by a coworker yesterday and it didn't feel good. This unwillingness to say something awful reminds me of that cheesy part in Twilight where Bella says to Edward, "I know what you are." And Edward says, "Say it." And Bella says all dramatically, "Vampire."

My age has created the same kind of drama with me since Monday. Except that unlike Bella, I don't have the courage to say the word.

You know what age you are.
Say it.

My age has become the new Voldemort, in that it shouldn't be said out loud (and it's evil). Make a note of it.

Moving on.

I've become naively optimistic about spring being near. Yes, I know that we have three more solid months of winter (maybe more) but I keep feeling like it's not that much longer. Isn't that insane? I heard birds singing today which helped with the delusion. I miss my bike. I can't wait for spring.

Happy Wednesday!

Friday, January 8, 2010

One Track Mind

My grandma gave me the best birthday card tonight.

In case you can't read it, she wrote, "How about this one? On his way!" with a picture of a smiling man under it. I asked her who the man was and she said, "he was in the newspaper today." But she wasn't sure who he was. She was giggling when I read it and said said she knew it would make me laugh.

Later in the evening, she encouraged me to wear my hair curly then after presents she suggested we play a game of "guess what Elizabeth's husband's name will be." Then she told me to let her know what his name is when I meet him, even if she's "on the other side."

She wants me to be happy and I love her for it. But she also cracks me up with her one track mind.

Best birthday party ever.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Wednesday Thoughts

A little over 20 years ago I had my tonsils taken out the second week in January. I always remember it this time of year. I guess because I was a kid it was more traumatizing than other surgeries I've had since then. The thing I especially remember was the promise of ice cream. Not that I wasn't offered ice cream, but swallowing my own saliva caused me so much pain I couldn't imagine swallowing anything of any substance so the ice cream offer seemed to me a cruel joke. There's a legend in my family of an uncle so tough he ate potato chips the day he had his tonsils out. I'm not sure if it's true or not, but knowing this uncle, I guess I wouldn't be surprised if it was.

Yesterday I was at work, working on a really confusing problem and it was starting to kind of stress me out. I looked out the window and saw a squirrel running through the snow having the time of it's life! It looked so free and happy that for just a second I was jealous and wished I was that squirrel. I'm glad I'm not in a children's movie or I probably would have switched bodies with the squirrel so I could learn a valuable lesson about how hard squirrels have it. And I don't even want to think about what sort of havoc the squirrel would have wreaked in my body during the switch.

Have you guys seen the show Jersey Shore? I haven't, nor do I want to, but I've heard a lot about it. Yesterday I saw a link to this website where you can generate your Jersey Shore nickname. I couldn't resist. My nickname was Pookie, which I think suits me to a tee. (This is where a sarcasm text would come in handy.) Here's the link; if you do it, I'd love to hear your nickname!

We're supposed to get a ton of snow tomorrow. Snow day Friday?

Happy Wednesday.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Only four more months...

Survival plan:
hot chocolate
fleece blankets
warm thoughts
summer movies
watch Lost
ice skate
leg warmers
good books's almost spring, right?

New Year's Resolutions

Some of you may remember these New Year's Resolutions I made on my blog last year. But don't feel bad if you don't remember because I didn't.

1. Don't miss an episode of Lost. Yes. Easy. Was there any doubt I could keep this one?
2. Eat at least one meal a day. It was hard, but I managed.
3. Laugh really really hard at Seinfeld reruns. Moops! (That's Seinfeld for yes)
4. Hug my nieces and nephews three times (minimum) per visit. It was hard, but I managed.
5. Use more italics in this blog. I made a concerted effort with this one, and I have to say, I succeeded.

Sunday, January 3, 2010

The Mystery of the Burp

I have a guy friend with whom I occasionally go out to dinner. And by occasionally I mean two or three times a year. We are just friends, and besides these dinners we rarely even talk. Partly because he travels a lot, and partly because our lives are different and our paths don't cross very often. But we do enjoy each other's company when we do get together and so make it a point to get together at least bi-annually.

One of these dinners was a few months ago and it had a somewhat confusing ending, so I thought I'd ask you for your insights.

The thing that set this dinner apart was that while this guy and I usually have a nice time together, it felt different on this occasion. The conversation was more lively than usual, and much more personal. We laughed, confided, and opened up more than we ever had before. After dinner, we lingered for quite awhile just talking and laughing. It was starting to feel like...a date.

So I started he thinking the same thing? Do I want this to be a date? Normally when he and I go out to eat, we split the bill evenly but I wondered what would happen this time. Some people say that if you're not sure if something is a date, see if he offers to pay. If he does, it's a date. I feel like that's a bit pathetic but I don't make the rules. I just rely desperately on them to define my love life.

But when the bill arrived, that's when things changed. Just as the bill was placed on the table by our server, the guy I was with let out the tiniest burp. He stifled it with his hand and I hardly noticed it. But after he burped, he reached for the bill and said, "Let me pay for this. I just burped and it was very rude."


So he paid because he burped? The burp was hardly audible! That changed everything! I was left completely baffled, totally unclear about his intentions. There's nothing in the dating rule books about burps. At least not the chapters I've read.

Anyway, he asked me if I'd like to do something after dinner, which I did. We had a lovely time and haven't talked since.

And people ask me why I'm still single.