Sunday, April 18, 2010

Put that in your blog!

I visited my grandma on Friday. She was in desperate need of some granddaughterly help - for one thing, she couldn't figure out how to use her new microwave (or how to open it), and on top of that, she couldn't open her jar of mayonnaise. Needless to say, I left feeling both brilliant and in the best shape of my life ("how did you open that!? I've been working on it all day!").

After amazing my grandma with my skillz, we sat and talked for awhile. She was thrilled that I was wearing my hair curly. She even clapped and cheered when she noticed it. She has a theory that men love curly hair. When she meets a woman (usually a nurse at the hospital) with curly hair, she tells them that her granddaughter has curly hair but that she straightens it. I think it's almost a sin to her. She said the only thing men like better than curly hair is red curly hair. Where she gets this information, I don't know.

Another bit of information she gave me is that she saw something on tv about how men prefer women who are a little curvy. After telling me that, she said, "Put that in your blog!"

I'm almost positive my grandma has never seen my blog before. And it's weird to hear her say the word "blog" like it's the most familiar thing to her. I mean, she's 90 years old and has never owned or used a computer. She knows my blog is something on the internet, and she knows I write in it. Other than that, I'm not sure how she pictures it. But apparently someone leaked it to her that I write about her sometimes. I think she likes it.

I briefly considered doing a post now and then with advice from my grandma about dating, called "Grandma Says." But I think I can summarize most of her tips right here:

Grandma says:

1. Unbutton that top button.
2. Wear your hair curly.
3. Bake brownies and cookies for the guy you're interested in.
4. Invite him over for dinner.
5. Have him spend time with your family.
6. Let him see how good you are with children.
7. If he's attractive and you'd have cute kids, stick with him.
8. Keep in shape so you look good in a wedding dress. (A few years ago, I put on a few pounds and she told me this. I don't make this stuff up!)

So there you have it. If it worked for her, it'll work for you. If you need me, I'll be over here wearing my hair curly and baking brownies.


brenda hatch said...

I think you should dye your hair red and wear it curly for a bit! Not that I wouldn't die for how you do your hair now. I have ZERO talent in the area :(

Katherine said...

Heehee! I sure do love that grandma of ours!! I wore my hair curly today and met a guy with red hair...interesting. I think I'm going to print up the "Grandma says" list and hang it up somewhere in my apartment. That's good stuff! And congrats on your brilliance and feats of strength!

Priscilla said...

I think your grandma is always right (at least about how men prefer curly red hair)! ;)

Oh, and Chris says he wouldn't have a problem with a girl with her top button unbuttoned baking brownies, so there you go!

You totally should have won that blogger brawl, by the way. That guy's blog was not funny or witty in any way. It must have been rigged.

Mary Burnette said...

I must admit....I tell her about your blogs when we have lunch. She thinks you are an amazing writer. I print them sometimes so she can read them. (Not the ones about her though)! She mentioned the curly red hair to me on Saturday when I did her Oral History interview.

Heather said...

I think that's the new family book! "Grandma Says" You can type up all her things and make it a book for all the grandkids and great grandkids. That's a keeper. I love Great Johnson. She's a real fun lady.

Sarah said...

Ha ha, excellent!! :) I've been missing your blog for the past few days, and was thrilled to read the same wit and genius that I've come to expect!! :) YAY!! :)

Michelle Williams said...

Haha, good advice from Grandma. We tell Samantha that she needs to flirt more, smile a lot, look into their eyes and act like you are really listening, pay attention to them! She is shy and ignores guys unless they are dating her friends... Sigh! Every time she comes home for a visit we tell her she should have a party! Perversely she ignores us! I've told her to unbutton the top button too. :D

karajean said...

Apparently your grandma and I hang out with different guys b/c most of the guys I know tell me they don't like red hair! But who knows.

Anonymous said...

Hey Elizabeth, Granny makes a lot of sense to me. The one thing she left out was finding the right men in the first place to do all these things for...that's the tricky part. You could curl your hair until the cows come home, but you wouldn't be interested in that single nutty professor if someone paid you, right? Smile. You'll meet someone sooner or later so relax and have fun. - Haupi

Elizabeth Downie said...

Yeah Kara, I think it's pretty likely my grandma does hang out with different guys than you, but I guess you never know. ;)

Anonymous said...

Some days your my, Mitch Albom (before he lied to me) this was one of those days. Great story and I love redheads who can bake.

Because I do not have a Google account, and I don't know what an OpenID or a name/URL is. I shall remain your anonymous. Uncle Eric

Anonymous said...

I think your grandma is genius. Curly hair is hot – thus my Nicole Kidman on “Days of Thunder” comment a few post back. She is also right on about the cookies and brownies. I think when I met you your hair was curly.

An admirer from the distance. ;)

Elizabeth Downie said...

Thanks Uncle Eric! :) Mitch Albom lied to you? Ha! That's too funny. I feel like I heard he lied about something but I can't remember what it was. I'll have to google it.

And Anonymous Admirer, I'm glad you like curly hair and brownies. I'm your gal.

Erin said...

Helaman gave me and Bingyu some dating advice last night... he said we had to do something to get a man's attention. (mind you he was entirely and completely serious) Then to Bingyu he instructed that she must wear clothes that get a man's attention... red shirt, red skirt, and red high heels. I guess we will see if his advice helps on the quest of dating:)

Erin said...

The button advice is my favorite.

Anonymous said...

Yes you are!

An admirer from the distance. ;)

PS: I have a surprise for you coming this Friday. I hope you like it.

Heather said...

I am late to reading this post, but you made me miss my Granny. She was quite fond of curly red hair too. Even if she had to help you out to get it that way.

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Rachel said...

Grandma really is a brilliant women!

Liz said...

So what your saying is that I should dye my hair red and wear it curly. And then I'll get a man.