Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Wednesday Thoughts

At the beginning of a vacation, I always make a little to-do list so I don't waste all my vacation relaxing and enjoying myself. (That would be a tragedy, right?)

Anyway, this vacation I decided to get all that horrid stuff done early so I could fully enjoy the rest of the break. The number one thing on my list? Sort tons of papers/junk mail/who-knows-what and file it or shred it. That is my least favorite thing to do and I was dreading it. So, I decided to combine it with the Lifetime "Dirty Little Secrets Saturday" marathon. While sorting, I watched "My Mother's Secret" but came in about an hour late and couldn't for the life of me figure out what the secret was. It was frustrating but I stuck it out till the end. Then I watched part of "My Daughter's Secret" which was very boring (the secret was that her boyfriend got her involved in a bank robbery - big whoop!!). I almost started watching "The Nanny's Secret" but decided I'd had my fill of Lifetime movies and secrets for the day.

But the good thing is, I got the horrible task done. A few other boring things had to be done (cleaning and the like) then I was able to fully give in to vacation!

Here are some of the things I've done so far:

1. Played many rounds of Yahtzee. Found out I was born to play Yahtzee. I got three Yahtzee's in one round. My secret is that I'm just really skilled.
2. I have taken naps at 7pm on two different days then stayed up really late reading because I couldn't sleep.
3. Read to my niece till she fell asleep on my lap.
4. Got killed at Monopoly by an 11 year old. I would have won if that game wasn't based on pure luck. Unlike Yahtzee.
5. Declared on a daily basis that I will start my diet again tomorrow.
6. Nearly forgot about my blog but checked it occasionally to see if anyone had posted a new post on it. I hadn't.

I hope your week has been as fruitful as mine! Happy Wednesday!

Friday, December 25, 2009

Merry Christmas

"For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given: and the government shall be upon his shoulder: and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counsellor, The mighty God, The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace." - Isaiah 9: 6

I try to make it a point on Christmas to spend a little bit of time thinking about the real meaning of the day and not totally get caught up in the noise, so to speak. In that spirit, I thought I'd share this scripture with you. I hope you had a great Christmas!

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Christmas Card 2009

Click on the above picture to see my Christmas card for 2009. After talking about making one in my last post, I decided to go for it. It's a bit ridiculous (ok, more than a bit) and I won't be mailing any out. This card is exclusively for you, my favorite blog readers. If you print it out, you can do the word search. It's probably the most entertaining part of the card, and I made it fairly easy too, just for you. The holidays can be stressful enough without worrying about finding the word "Magnum" on my Christmas card word search.

The opening letter is supposed to be tongue in cheek - so don't be worried when you read it. K? Not that I need to tell you that.

And yes, that is a watermark picture of me in the background. Classy, all around.

Have a wonderful Christmas and happy New Year, my friends! Thank you for your friendship and support! I wish you all the best this next year.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Wednesday Thoughts

I want to start today by thanking those of you who have sent me Christmas cards this year. I especially love the cards that come with letters containing highlights from the year. I've thought about doing something like that, but I think the tone of my letter would be wrong for the season. Especially because the first line in my Christmas letter rough draft is, "This year I successfully continued my descent into madness*."

I kid. But really, what would a Christmas letter from me contain? Maybe a couple dating stories, a list of my favorite tv shows from the year, something about the monotony of my day to day life, and maybe to conclude, a word search or something like that just so you don't get too bored. Oddly enough, as I think back on this year, pickle flavored popcorn stands out as a highlight. Maybe I'd add a scratch and sniff to the letter so you could get the full effect.

What do you think? I'll start planning for 2010's card.

In other news, have you heard about this adorable cat in Japan named Maru? Let me start out by saying I am completely indifferent to cats in general, but this website won me over. Something about the combination of poorly translated Japanese and a surprisingly entertaining cat are making this cat's blog something of an addiction for me currently. Here's a link. Trust me, you have to have a heart of stone not to think this cat is adorable. I should know.

One more day of work then I'm off till the new year! Happy Wednesday! And Merry Christmas!

* editors note: I wrote this post in the middle of the night when I couldn't sleep. If it sounds a little loopy, that's why.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

The future is confusing

Ann and I ordered Chinese food for lunch today. As you know, one of the best parts about Chinese food is the fortune that comes in the fortune cookie. But today the future became much more confusing for both of us. Ann especially. Which fortune do you think is worse?

Ann's fortune:

You are a man of integrity and righteousness.

My fortune:

When the moment comes, take the first one from the right.

Monday, December 21, 2009

Christmas quotes

Four more days! Enough time to hurry and watch all your favorite Christmas movies before the big day. These are the movies we quote all year, but only watch once a year. Here are some quotes from some of my favorites. Feel free to add yours if you'd like.

The nerve of those Whos. Inviting me down there - on such short notice! Even if I wanted to go my schedule wouldn't allow it. 4:00, wallow in self pity; 4:30, stare into the abyss; 5:00, solve world hunger, tell no one; 5:30, jazzercize; 6:30, dinner with me - I can't cancel that again; 7:00, wrestle with my self-loathing... I'm booked. Of course, if I bump the loathing to 9, I could still be done in time to lay in bed, stare at the ceiling and slip slowly into madness. But what would I wear? - The Grinch

Clark: Can I refill your eggnog for you? Get you something to eat? Drive you out to the middle of nowhere and leave you for dead?
Eddie: Naw, I'm doing just fine, Clark.
- Lampoon's Christmas Vacation

It's just nice to meet another human that shares my affinity for elf culture. & one more from the same movie: Why don't you just say it? I'm the worst toy-maker in the world. I'm a Cotton-Headed Ninnymuggins! - Elf

This house is so full of people it makes me sick. When I grow up and get married, I'm living alone. - Home alone

Charlie Brown: Thanks for the Christmas card, Violet.
Violet: I didn't send you a Christmas card.
C. B. Don't you know sarcasm when you hear it?

This makes two quote based posts in a row - I promise the next will be back to normal. Although maybe it's nice to have a break from my voice? Don't answer that.

Friday, December 18, 2009


The last couple days I've been staying with a friend's kids while she and her husband are out of town. These kids crack me up and I've had some very funny conversations with them. I thought I'd share a small sample of the hilarity:

Between me and the 17 yr old son:
N: My parents won't let me move to the basement. (There are several doors in the basement where he could easily sneak out.)
Me: Well, if you had a 17 yr old son, I doubt you'd let him sleep in that basement.
N: I'd just take away his car keys.
Me: You don't think a friend could just pick him up? Or a girl couldn't sneak in?
N: If a girl did sneak in, I'm sure they'd just watch a movie or something.
Me: Uh huh.
N: What are you implying? What else would they do, Elizabeth?
Me: Shush.
N: No really, what would they do?
Me: Nate.*
N: You're a bad influence on me.

Between me and the 12 yr old son:
E: He (his brother) wanted to have a faux hawk and a chin strap but my dad hates faux hawks.
Me: Really? I like faux hawks.
E: Well, my dad's really old, you know. Like, he thinks video games are a total waste of time and stuff like that.

Between me and one of the 3 yr old twins:
Me: Are you feeling better today?
A: Yeah. I ate a chewy pillow and it made me feel better.
(I'm pretty sure she meant a chewy pill.)

Between me and the other 3 yr old twin:
Me: Turn around and finish your dinner.
L: I DON'T WANT TO FINISH MY... ooooh, I like your nail polish!

*Names have been changed to protect identity. As if you care who these people are, right?

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Wednesday Thoughts

I wish it were socially acceptable for me to bring my Snuggie with me everywhere. Restaurants, work, friend's houses. It's so cold these days it's hard for me to get the chill out of my bones. I'll never have as much nerve as the people in the Snuggie commercials. Or the guy in this picture.

Remember the other day when I told you I can't remember any jokes? Kathy reminded me of one I do know, so for your S.A.D. pleasure, here it is: If you're American when you're not in the bathroom, what are you when you ARE in the bathroom? Answer: European. Get it? You're a pee'in?! {Sigh} If I have to explain it to you, it's not funny. My then-ten year old nephew told that joke at a family party this past summer and prefaced it by asking the little kids to leave the room, explaining that it wasn't appropriate for them. It might not be appropriate for you, either.

This week I decided to try succotash for the first time, and let me tell you, if there's a food that can't be taken seriously because of it's name, it's succotash. The few people I've mentioned it to have just laughed when I asked them if they've tried it.

I can't believe it's almost the end of 2009. A couple weeks ago, when writing the date, I found myself writing 199-. I don't know how after almost a decade I would revert back to the 90's when writing the date! I haven't done that in a long time (at least two years). I still don't know how that happened but it made me laugh.

In forgetful news, I keep forgetting what day it is this week and to make matters worse, I got a text from a friend this morning that said "have a nice Thursday!" I guess I'm not the only one who can't keep the days straight. Either that, or it's Thursday.

Happy Wednesday. Or Thursday, as the case may be.

Monday, December 14, 2009

S. A. D.

I think I might have a little bit of the S.A.D. already. It doesn't usually hit me until February at which point my skin has become translucent from three months of cloud cover and the sun makes me cower like a vampire.

But here I am, in what is technically still fall, with a slight case of S.A.D. Hopefully that means I'll have it out of my system early, right?

It hasn't been too bad, don't get me wrong. I haven't been stuck in bed crying nonstop or anything like that. But for some reason this year the cold and gray caught me off guard and I've found myself feeling a bit blah.

The funny thing is that the strangest things seem to cheer me up. Like when our office dog has accidents in people's cubicles, or a very strange conversation with co-workers about whether we'd rather be stabbed in the gut or shot in the gut (after much debate, research, and terms we unanimously chose being shot). The topic isn't what cheered me up, just to be clear, but rather, the fact that we spent so much time debating it.

Since the S.A.D. caught me off guard, I wasn't prepared to fight it at first. But now I am, and I've felt significantly better the last couple days by focusing on the positive and keeping busy. In the spirit of levity and cheering up, here's a link to a funny video. If only I could remember any jokes I would share those, but my mind is incapable of remembering jokes for some reason. If you have any, please share. Together we can fight the winter blues! (When did this turn into a PSA?)

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Wednesday Thoughts

And now for my weekly collection of unrelated thoughts...

You know what phrase I can not say? "" I've heard younger people say it, and even though I don't necessarily want to say it, it sometimes pops into my head when I get excited about something. I tried to say it once, half jokingly, and the results were horrific. I apologized immediately to the people I was with. The more I think about it, the more mortified I am that those words escaped my lips. I just can't pull it off. I think I'll just stick with the phrases that work for someone of my generation, like "the bee's knees" and "23 skidoo."

Here's a funny little story about my Grandma. As you may remember, my grandma's one wish is that I, her oldest granddaughter, get married. The other day I was giving her a ride and she said to me, "I think there might be a computer glitch in heaven. Not enough angels are being sent to help you." It made me laugh, but then it made me wonder exactly how many angels are needed for such a task...

My local online newspaper has deleted more than half of my comments* and it's really starting to get to me. They have the strictest moderators I've ever seen. They claim my comments have been "off topic" and/or "don't help move the conversation along." I was also told that they were deleting my comments because I was just bantering with other commenters at times instead of commenting specifically on the story. I told them that their censorship is STIFLING me (yes, I used caps). But they removed that comment as well. Another time I said that censorship hurts and they removed that as well. That website is sucking my will to comment.

It snowed last night. If it wasn't so slushy, it would be pretty.

In case you're afraid of losing track of time until Christmas, here's a countdown that has sent me into a near panic.

Ok, panic time is over. It's Wednesday! Happy Wednesday. Drive safe, Michigan friends! It's supposed to be nasty tonight.

*Update: The newspaper just e-mailed me and said that they don't know where I got my "more than half" number from and that they have actually only deleted 24% of my comments. I stand corrected.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Unexpected dislike

One time my mom told me she hates Swedish furniture. Not only did this seem strange to me based on my mostly positive experiences with IKEA, but it also caught me off guard that she had an opinion about something so obscure. Her opinion had nothing to do with IKEA, by the way, never having been there herself.

It always cracks me up when someone expresses a strong opinion on something I've never had any emotion for one way or the other, like someone hating goldfish or paper clips. And that's why this story I'm about to share amuses me.

The following is part of a conversation I had at work today about going on a road trip in my new car. On this road trip, Kathy and I would sit in the back and watch DVDs and eat snacks while Justin drives us around. He isn't too keen on this idea, by the way. Anyway, that's the background. Here's where you came in:

Kathy: Justin, I demand that you sing us "the wheels on the bus."
Justin: No way. I hate that song.
Me: Who hates that song!?
Justin: I hate the rhythm to it.

The wheels on the bus. I'll never listen to it the same way. Do you have a strong dislike for something most people have no opinion on?

Saturday, December 5, 2009

All the king's horses and all the king's men...

My car had had enough. Or rather, I had had enough of my car when I decided to trade it in today. Between the lack of heat and the four other problems it's having, it was time. The funny thing is how sad I was to see her go. Recently I've been back and forth between being mad at her and pitying her. She's old, she can't help that she's falling apart. The thing about cars is that they're with you for so much - vacations, relationships, new jobs, etc... It's funny to get attached to a car, but as I was pulling out of the dealership parking lot today where I traded her in, I circled around again to see her one more time.

Here she is:

My new (used) car (a Malibu):

On the plus side, it feels wonderful to ride in a heated car again.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Too far or just right?

When I was a kid, I loved playing with Barbie, Ken, Skipper, and the rest. But I didn't necessarily enjoy inventing dialogue for them or taking them on imaginary adventures. What I enjoyed was setting up their houses, making make shift furniture out of Kleenex boxes, scrap fabric, the little mini table that comes in the pizza box, and anything else I could find.

Combine that love (although admittedly I haven't indulged in it in at least twenty years) with my love of Snuggies, and this idea is scratching me where I itch: Snuggies for Barbie. What do you think? If any of you actually make this, you will instantly be ten points cooler in my book.

Wednesday Thoughts

At what point does a "guy" become a man? I was recently telling Katherine that I had a little crush on a man* and she started laughing. When I asked her what she was laughing about, she said, "you called him a man." So what makes a guy a man? Do they have to be over 40? Married? Kids? Mustache?

What flavor is horehound!? I love the Claeys old fashioned hard candies, but I was baffled by the flavor "horehound." And by baffled, I mean grossed out and scared.

So, I took my car in to the shop yesterday to get the aforementioned heat fixed and found out the worst. Turns out my original guesstimate of it costing a gazillion dollars was me being naive. It's actually going to cost a katrillion if I want heat again. It's the worst case scenario, heating wise. Needless to say, I have a lot of decisions to make about this car. On the plus side, I didn't cry in front of the mechanic. I waited till he was done talking, excused myself, and cried in the bathroom.

I feel better today.

It's Wednesday. Happy Wednesday.

*This crush has since waned, in case you were curious.