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Thursday, March 11, 2010

"Build her a cake or something"

If there's one thing I know, it's that it's nice to be asked out on a date. But let's be honest, there are some ways to be asked out that are better than others.

When I was a teenager I remember guys doing all sorts of crazy things to ask girls to dances. Personally I never experienced the elaborate date proposal (sniffle) but it happened to people I knew, especially for the big dances like home coming and prom. The "ask a girl to a dance" plan was often so elaborate it was akin to a marriage proposal.

As far as I know that pretty much ends after the teenage years, which is fine. But although I don't expect a cake that says, "will you go out with me?" written on it, in some ways I think it goes too far in the other direction the older you get.

The way I see it, dating starts in the teenage years with the guy making a scavenger hunt that ends with him holding a bouquet of roses and surrounded by m&ms that spell out, "will you go to prom with me?" But by the time you're my age (which is an age that shall not be named), the norm seems to be a text, IM, or an e-mail saying, "Wanna do something this weekend?"

Now, like I said, it's nice to be asked out in general so I don't hold anything against the guys who have asked me out this way. And being asked out by text doesn't make me lose interest in a guy either. But it doesn't feel very personal, does it? When a guy actually calls me and asks me out, he gets major brownie points. It shows an investment - it takes courage to call someone and ask them out. I should know because I never do it for that exact reason.

What do you guys think? Is asking someone on a first date via text message or another electronic way ok with you? It's ok with me, I suppose. It just means a lot more if they call or ask me in person. Am I alone on this?

28 comments:

The Boob Nazi said...

I've never really been asked out on a date. My life is so sad.

Lady Baillio said...

Texting loses so much emotion. Talking is better. Face to face is best. I asked Adam out for our first date...mission reunion. He asked me out to our real first date.

Drake said...

I gotta say texting is not okay but at the same time I'm guilty of doing it. Basically, asking a cute girl out is always scary, but much less so when its done via text.

Better to man up and at least call the girl. On the other hand, you're right not to hold it against him if he does text. Since girls generally aren't obligated to make that scary first move, I guess they really should not complain how the guy ends up doing it) :)

Vaughn said...

i have asked a girl out electronically exactly once, it was because i met her on facebook and never got her number, and it was asking if she wanted to do go to something with me casually. She said are you asking me out over IM? I said, i never got your number, she typed it in and i called her and asked over the telephone.
Call me old fashioned, but you call a girl to ask her out, when you pull up you NEVER honk, you show her respect on the date, and you have confidence and courage with these things.
If my daugher gets asked out by text i will tell the kid he is a weenie to his face, and if he pulls up to my house and honks for her, I am going out to get in the car for a chat. End of story. If it happens again, i may save the energy and blow a hole in his tire from the front porch. There i said my completely unedited opinion on getting the courage to ask a girl out.

Sarah said...

Vaughn, your opinion is just dreamy!! :) I wish more guys were "men" who were up to the task. Sure, asking a sweet single lass out is scary, but HELLO guys, so is running a home, raising a child, handling pms, etc. :) I think the whole process of asking someone out (and yes, I've done it, so I'm speaking from experience) should be exciting and exhilarating and one of those few fun things in life that induce butterflies.

Kathy said...

I think a guy should always ask a girl out in person or over the phone. It's adorable and flattering when his voice is a little shaky sounding because of nerves.

And I also think that if you like a girl, you should directly ask her out instead of dropping hints or telling everyone else. For example- a long time ago a guy liked me, but never told me personally. He would just make little comments here and there. One day a group of my friends were enjoying some sun and eating ice cream, and I said, "I wish I were in my bathing suit right now by the pool". And he said in a low tone, "I wish you were in your bathing suit too." WHAT?! Can you say CREEPY?!. Alex was always direct with his intentions in a very sweet way, and that's the man I chose. Trying to guess a guys intentions is too exhausting.

Kathy said...

On a side note....if anyone (meaning anonymous) would like to send Elizabeth a "you're beautiful" cake to her place of employment, that would be acceptable. I would love to have a slice of that yummy chocolate or french vanilla cake. Think of Elizabeth's coworkers, anonymous.

lizzie mc. said...

Ok, granted guys do need encouragement. But there's the typical, "that's a man's job" line, but then he doesn't do it and feels his masculinity has been in question when she gets tired of waiting and does it herself. This isn't just love, it's life... it's a "man's job" to move the heavy stuff, fix the house change the tire. I love President Hinkley, just get out of the way and watch in amazement... or get off your duff and do it yourself. Apparently I needed a man rant, but thus it is. Move or lose it mister!

Katherine said...

I agree with what Sarah said exactly! (Both about Vaughn's comment and the rest!) I really think that asking out via text or email is, well, not the most effective. I've been asked out both ways, and it's not as much fun as on the phone or in person! I agree that the butterflies are part of the fun! How often do we get to feel that way? Let's not skip the excitement to get to the point - half the fun is getting there!! I agree with Kathy, too - intentions need to be known. Guessing at them is NOT part of the fun... We may be in an era of technology (always and forever...), but that shouldn't nix face time!

Brady said...

I will sometimes text to find out if someone is available. Then I try to call if they are and ask.

I linked your post over at my new website for date ideas (http://mormondatenight.tumblr.com. It hits the theme and goals of the site. I hope you don't mind!

dustinnikki said...

Hi, Happy Follow Friday! I'm your newest follower!

http://dustinnikki.blogspot.com/

Nicole

Melissa C said...

Just wanted to let you know that I asked out Ryan via email for our first "at work date", and communicated more than we should have via email while at work (it was too long ago to be texting). We got married less than a year later. Don't be afraid to be the one to ask! It was SUPER scary, too, especially b/c Ryan was on vacation in Utah when I send the first email, didn't use an out of office, so I waited what felt like FOREVER for a response. I cannot tell you how stressed out I was. Totally worth it though! He's mine forever!

TamsJewelry said...

Cool blog!Happy Friday follow!

LLL with Leslie said...

I found you through follow friday. I am now following you :)

www.livelovelaughwithleslie.com

Sinful Southern Sweets said...

Hi there! Friday following.
No, I just don't think it is ok. Granted, I live in the South and things may be done a bit different here, but part of the romanticism and the reward of getting to go on the date is that the boy has to make that awkward call to the girl,(or face to face) and ask. With the risk of hearing her say no. No texts. We are losing our personal touch with others with this whole texting thing. Though, breaking up via text just might not be so bad :) LOL! Just kidding! No texting in dating (or breaking up!). Just my opinion...

The Deal Diva said...

If I was still single, I think I'd want to be asked out over the phone or in person. I'm old school like that. Everything/everyone is so disconnected now with all their fancy phones and twitter and facebook. It's sad really.

So yah. I'd def. prefer someone ask me out without the use of texting!

~Shelley~ said...

I so prefer a phone call over texting...trying to get this idea through to my 16yo daughter. Texting, at times, can be so impersonal.

Visiting from Friday Follow...I'm now following! Love for you to come visit me!

Have a great weekend :)
~Shelley @ Shelley's Swag

SafeHomeHappyMom said...

Hi, I am your latest follower from a late FF. I am so glad i found your blog, its so informative. I hope to read more of it.

You can also visit us at www.safehomehappymom.com for safe product reviews and information

Drake said...

Kind of off topic but I love being the one little blue dot on your 'people who visit' map that stretches the image out to Europe. :)

Freely Living Life said...

Hi there!

We are visiting from the FF. We are already followers of yours and wanted to stop by and say hello. :) Hope you had a fantastic weekend! <3

Anonymous said...

I have to admit that this entry has been very enlightening as it seems that I have been doing everything wrong. I am the email king, why? you may ask - I will tell - because it is less personal so rejection usually goes down a little easier which I do feel ashamed to admit. So what am I to do to ask you out? I hope we can make an exception.

An admirer from the distance. ;)

PS: Kathy - I am working on the cake! I am getting my Napoleon on.

Robert said...

Wow! Turn away for a moment and there's a new blog with 21 comments!! Looks like the guys need a blog entry again Elizabeth to balance some of this girly stuff out. ;) Long, drawn out ways to ask a girl on a date are still considered romantic by grown women? Uh. Oh. Maybe this is why I'm not married. I have, like Anonymous, texted, emailed, and called. Luckily, girls are like snowflakes. No two think or act alike. What one likes from a guy, the other hates.

Would any of you really reject a guy strictly because he sent a text or email to ask you out? Do girls really have that much pride? Granted, if we're asking you to the high school prom, text and email should be out but dinner and a movie require a three-layer cake on the door-step? lol.

I have to say, out of all of you, Melissa C wins for having experienced the delayed response to a request for a date. See everyone! A week does seem like an eternity to hear back!

I remember girls in college trashing guys who called a few times on a given day, likely just trying to get to speak to the girl to ask her out instead of leaving the dreaded voicemail. Too bad for those guys, the girls always sounded freaked out like he was a stalker. (Not me by the way. I learned from those girls that calling and caller ID are not a guys best friend.) You get 2 to 3 calls before we know the stalker alert kicks in. At which point, you must be dropped unless we can find a way to bump into you in person, or we'll be forced to leave the inadvisable v-mail and hope that you don't think it is too tacky to respond to.

Blog commenting is fun!

oh. And I gotta give props to Vaughn for keeping up the "manly" show for the ladies. You ladies eat that up! Calling your daughter's date a weenie and blowing a hole in a tire otherwise gets you jail time and a rebellious teenage daughter if I am not mistaken?? ;) But apparently, gets you the girls support anyway. I'll give you the point on the honking. That's tacky in every situation, but more so for a date.

Considering the backing Vaughn got, maybe I will start spicing up my comments with some bravado myself. haha!

Elizabeth Downie said...

Robert, Robert, Robert...where to begin. First of all, I don't think a girl would reject a guy for asking her out via text or e-mail. I know I wouldn't, anyway. We just prefer to be called or asked in person. It's part of the game of dating, and based on the comments on this post, I would say most women agree. And no, we don't want a three layer cake asking us on a date - that would be silly. My point was that it has gone too far in the other direction.

Women want to be woo-ed. That is how it has always been, and how it always will be.

Women liked Vaughn's comment because he said he's confident and asks women out the way we want to be asked out. I doubt he'd actually shoot a tire (although knowing Vaughn, he might) but his point was that women should be shown respect. And you're right, we do eat being respected and feeling special up.

It's not prideful to want to be woo-ed. It's how we're wired. I think it would be in your best interest to accept that. ;)

Vernice said...

What does a guy have to lose by asking a girl out in person or over the phone? Possibly a bit of his "pride"?

And I vote yes on spicing up those comments with some bravado. They're starting to sound a tad jaded. Bravado over jaded any day.

Katherine said...

Robert, after reading your response I would say that the fact that you are still single is more due to your bitterness and cynicism rather than how you ask women out. You make your disdain for our sex quite clear and by calling us "snowflakes" might as well have just left off the "snow" and made it clear how you really feel (not that that needed much clarification). Elizabeth was very kind in her response and I agree with what she said, but wanted to add that I think most women who read your response will probably wonder why you're being such a jerk and will be far from falling all over themselves to go out with you. My two cents. ;)

Robert said...

A little devil's advocate goes a long way! :) True. I cannot write about something that I have not felt a little bit but as Elizabeth points out often, the blog doesn't always reflect the true feelings but are meant to be thought provoking.

First though, my apologies to Katherine. I had no idea that snowflake would be understood as flake. I have always understood snowflakes to be unique and was only saying that girls are unique and their desires are also unique.

On the subject of Vaughn, Elizabeth clarified what it perfectly. I was hoping that those girls who applauded him were not intending to applaud ALL of his ideas but rather, only the sensible aspects, before he gets to the felony assault and the overbearing father-tude.

The point is that men are like dogs, give us praise without being specific and we might think you're rewarded us for peeing on the rug. But praise us with specifics and we will always remember what it is you like and when your birthday is! :) More metaphor. I like it!

And last but not least, Vernice's reply. I don't want you to think that I am against asking girls out in person or on the phone. I was trying to bring the conversation around to the idea that girls know who they want. The chivalry and macho-ness are only icing on the cake. To stay with the Napolean Dynamite theme, even if Pedro asked out Summer in person instead of with a cake, he's still not getting a date. ;)

Kwo Ling said...

I've had several dates because of FB. ...course sometimes I think FB is of the devil. I just think that technology is the primary mode of communication in this culture. That's all there is to it. Doesn't mean anything more or less than that. In the end the real clinchers, you know what they are, have to be done in person anyway.

Lynne said...

This post made me feel really OLD! But for the life of me I don't remember anybody ever texting or using email to ask for a date. Most of my dating years (high school) there was no such thing as texting that I can remember. And email was non existent. I think if they HAD been available I WOULD have had a problem with being asked that way. I would feel like it's a respect thing as well as an investment thing. If you can't invest a little bit into asking me out, why should I invest back? The whole cake idea extended into college for me btw, I remember being asked with a soda pop bottle whose tag had been ripped off and replaced with a label saying "soda wanna go out this saturday?" Corny but he got the date :-) If anybody had ever honked they'd have waited an awful long time. I remember a boyfriend in high school trying that once. After an hour he finally came up. I just didn't tolerate being treated that way and maybe that's why people never DID really treat me that way. Maybe why it took me so long to get married, but then again, I have a VERY good husband for it now :-)