Sunday, January 25, 2009


Did you guys ever see that Full House where DJ has a crush on the paper boy?* He comes over to the house to collect money for the paper, and DJ is trying to be really smooth and cool. Everything seems to be going well until he leaves and instead of saying goodbye or bye or see ya, DJ yells, "tootaloo!" After she shuts the door she says to herself, "Tootaloo!?," mortified about having said something so lame.

The reason I mention this is that I have been having a lot of "Tootaloo" moments lately. Much as I try, I am so not smooth! Ok, truth is I don't try very hard to be smooth. Up till this point, I've operated under the idea that some lucky guy will (learn to) love me for who I am. But I don't know, I think I need a little help. I'm thinking maybe I should try harder to be smooth. You know, have less "tootaloo" moments.

I think this is going to take discipline and training. When I was about 12 or 13, my friends and I would often encourage each other to call our current crush on the phone. But we were terrified to do this (wow, some things never change), so in order to prepare, we'd write a script that we would follow during the phone call, anticipating what the guy might say. It might go something like this:

Me: Hey (current crush), it's Elizabeth... from math class.
Him: Oh. Hi.
Me: Hi! So, how's it going?
Him: Fine.
Me: That's good. How was your basketball game today?
Two options here:
Him: Good, we won!
Me: That's so great! Congratulations.... (ask more questions about the game...)
Him: We lost.
Me: That's too bad. So, when's your next game?

You'd be surprised, but this script worked pretty well. The guys we called were pretty predictable I guess. Anyway, after having several "tootaloo" moments lately, I'm wondering if I should go back to the script? Before approaching a guy, I'll quickly study the script. Or maybe I can write it on my hand and refer to it once and awhile? My new script could go something like this:

Me: Hi so-and-so (I think it's important that I remind myself not to actually say so-and-so)
Him: Hi.
Me: So, how are you?
Him: Fine.
Me: Have a good week?
Him: Pretty normal.
Me: Oh, well that's good, right? Better than a bad week, I mean.
Him: Yes.
Me: So, do you like your job/classes?
Him: Yeah.
Me: Tootaloo!

Dang it, I was supposed to try to avoid saying tootaloo. Well, you have to admit that that guy was pretty boring. So maybe that wasn't the best example. Anyway, I haven't worked out the kinks yet, but next time you see me, expect me to be more smooth. I'm just warning you. And if you see something that looks like a script written on my arm, pretend you don't see it.

*Yes I know I should be embarrassed that I'm referencing Full House, but I've already confessed that it's my guilty pleasure so there's no point hiding it any more.


Julie Barb said...

I totally remember that Full House...don't be embarrassed...there's no shame in Full that show! Your post constantly crack me up Elizabeth! I say forget the smoothness...just be yourself...cuz you are freakin' hilarious!!!!

justin said...

I think you should start branching out and making Saved By The Bell references. It's time to bring out that Slater side of you.

Kathy said...

I have to agree with Justin on this one. You already wear the shirts with the cut-off sleeves to work anyways.

I think trying to relate a real-life experience to Saved By The Bell or any TGIF treasure would really bring true meaning to life. That will be my new goal.

Mike said...

Seems like a good idea to me, I've started carrying around prewritten conversations in my pocket everywhere I go. I mean, you never know when you might run into someone you want to talk to but don't know what to say. Not a problem anymore thanks to you!

Sarah said...

I have "Saved by the Bell" seasons 1-2 on DVD...feel free to borrow them anytime to pick up your Slater-isms! :)

Priscilla said...

Maybe you should think about refering to yourself in the third person, you know, such as: "Elizabeth likes (current crush). Elizabeth wants to go on a date with (current crush)." (I don't know, it doesn't quite work as well with your name as it does with Jimmy.)

Elizabeth Downie said...

"Jimmy likes Elaine! Jimmy wants to go on a date with Elaine!" That Seinfeld is hilarious. I'm not sure I can use that advice Priscilla, but I appreciate the effort ;)

Heather said...

I'm thinkin maybe you should start doing the whole "whatever" attitude like Jess from Gilmore Girls.

Some guy: So, how was your day?
E: 's aight
guy: that's good. I hear the new googenheim exhibit is nice
E: whatev

Some guys really like that.Worked for Jess!

Kristin said...

Ah memories. I am proud to be a friend who actually wrote out scripts with you. Remember how we could call RB and it really would go exactly as we wrote it out for the first 3 or 4 minutes? He was so predictable.

Elizabeth Downie said...

I was hoping you'd comment, Kristin! Those were some really good times, and yes, RB was predictable. I bet he still is. ;)

Katherine said...

What you need is an ear piece with someone off on the sidelines feeding you your lines. (Wait, maybe that's what I need.) That's definitely the modern version of writing on your hands, and is more easily adaptable to any given situation/response to your questions.

MMMegan said...

Ha ha ha! So funny.

Jess said...

If only life were as easy and cheesy as full house. I have been having a lot o tootaloo moments myself lately. I'll try your methods.

Polly said...

Ha ha you are so funny. And I loved the spys like us clip. That was great!