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Tuesday, August 23, 2011

I only know three jokes

I only know three jokes. One of them I just learned from Saturday Night Live recently. Another I heard from Karl Pilkington, and the last one I read on a Laffy Taffy wrapper. Each and every one of them is comic gold. And bonus: they're all short enough for me to remember!

1. Did you hear about the peanut who went to Central Park?
It was a salted.

2. Q: What is Bob Marley's favorite kind of doughnut?
A: Those with jam in.

Americans might not get that joke since we don't call it jam, we call it jelly. Luckily I'm a highly educated person so I didn't need it explained to me. You can try to tell me you didn't need it explained either, but since I already explained it, I'll never believe you.

3. Q: What did the orange ask the banana to do?
A: Tickle its navel.

Ok, that one makes no sense. I guess I forgot some parts of it. I think I messed up what the orange originally said. Maybe there was no banana involved. But I got the punchline right. Take my word for it, it could have been really funny.

I only know two jokes.

12 comments:

SAC said...

Ha ha. Love the peanut being a salted best. And luckily, even if you don't know more than 2 official jokes with the correct timing etc., you still have the ability to make people smile and laugh without telling official jokes, but just being yourself. ;)

SAC said...

Oh, and tooootaaly got teh jam joke, cuz I'm ejamacated too.

Anonymous said...

http://jokes.topstuff.net/joke/toTDk5otKSk The banana makes it kind of a dirty joke...

Amy said...

I don't know any jokes, not even lame ones. It's one of my greatest failings in life. I went to this traveling miniature golf installment not long ago and we had to tell a joke in order to get our golf club, and I felt (and probably looked) like a deer in the headlights. The look on the woman's face made me feel like no one in the history of that particular night had ever not been able to come up with a joke, and she finally let me go just out of pity.

I later remembered that I do actually know one joke. But it's a blond joke and you might be offended. But it's really funny. But I don't tell it very well.

Melissa C said...

I am not so good at jokes either, and my dad is really good at bad ones, meaning ones that just aren't that funny or in poor taste.

The last one reminded me of a Brak (spaceghost) cartoon/audio clip of him telling some joke, and I probably have this wrong...

"A guy walked into a bar and said he hadn't had anything to eat in a long long time, and so I bit him. hahahaha
I don't think I told that right."

Yeah, that pretty much sums up me telling jokes.

Stephanie Curtis said...

I love that. It actually reminds me of a Brady episode. I don't remember but maybe Martha couldn't tell the punchline.

On that note here is my joke, how was camping/the circus (so many possibilities)? It was "in tents"!!

lizzie mc.- said...

I have a nonsensical joke..."There are 2 penguins in the bathtub. One of them says to the other, 'Pass the soap.' The other replies, 'What do I look like a typewriter?' Don't know why such a stupid joke but both Andy & I died laughing when we heard it for the first time. I totally relate to joke 3. Thanks for the daily post... keep 'em comin'!

Katherine said...

I love this post! Even if you only know two jokes. I know a few, my best being the Texan/Canadian/Michigander joke. Unfortunately, I told that joke recently and biffed the punch line. Ah, well. It was good while it lasted. OOOH! AND the Duck Joke - another gem! Hmm...I know some pretty good ones, come to think of it. Maybe I'll take this show on the road...

Katherine said...

Sorry, one more - remember James and the joke he thought might not be appropriate for the younger kids?
Q: If you're American in the kitchen, what are you when you're in the bathroom?
A: European!

HA! There's one you can memorize! Now you know three jokes!

Maxabillion J said...

Best Bob Marley joke ever!

Here's one of my favorite jokes.

A horse walks into a bar.
The bartender says. "Why the long face?"
The horse replies "My wife just died of cancer."

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Liz said...

Wasn't that orange joke the same joke that offended one of your coworkers(Kathy or Ann)?