Thursday, March 24, 2011

Shriekfest 2011

I just had the second most terrifying shower experience of my life. Here's what happened.
I was pretty much this scared.

I was minding my own beeswax, shampooing my hair and whatnot when what did I see but a HUGE yellow spider, STARING at me from the safety of the body wash bottle.

There was nothing I could do. I had nothing to squish it with, and even if I wanted to get something to squish it (which I did!), I would have had to get out of the shower, drip water everywhere, dry off a bit, grab some t.p., get back in the shower, turn the water off, and chase the spider around the bottle.

So I continued showering. What ensued was Shriekfest 2011 as I went about my business keeping one eye on the spider the whole time, and letting out a shriek every time it moved. To be fair, the spider seemed to be in as much of a panic as me, staring at me, then running around the bottle, then lowering itself a few inches, then rushing back up and staring at me some more.

I rushed through my showering routine, shaving my legs like I was in leg-shaving speed competition (ouch, by the way). The spider, which I am almost positive is climbing on me now, tormented me through the entire experience. I'm shocked I made it out alive.*

Like I said, second worst shower experience ever. The first worst involved a spider too, but that story has to be saved for another day. I can't talk about it right now.

What's your worst spider story? Or shower story, whichever. Just keep it clean. (Get it?**)

*no detail in this story has been exaggerated in the slightest. 
** worst pun ever.


Katherine said...

**You can't escape it. It's in your blood.

I'm glad you survived!!! Ugh. Spiders have messed up my shower routine on way more occasions than I care to think about. However, living in a 90 year-old apartment building has also affected my routine in other ways. Generally the water pressure is ok, but in the last year and a half, I've had some showers that were worse than a light spring drizzle. More like a leaky faucet. Yeesh. I wanted to scream on those occasions, too, but it's a different sort of scream than with the spiders.

Ariel said...

I'm glad you were able to stay calm- I would have FREAKED OUT.
Worst spider story- I was trying to get my cat out of a bush, because he got caught in the thorns, so I bent down and was all up in the bush for a few minutes. I got my cat out and everything was fine until I went in the house and continued getting ready for my day. I was doing my hair, and something itched my head, so I went to pull what I thought was a leaf out of my hair, but I ended up pulling out a spider, and it crawled up my arm. i threw myself on the floor and screamed. Yikes... It still gives me the willies.

~Ariel at

Amy said...

I may have made up the spider part of my worst spider story to explain what happened, but spider or no it was scary. I was on a run out by the Huron River in the spring, and decided to take a jog along a nice little path I'd discovered in the fall. It turned out to be a bad idea because in the spring, the path was covered in spiderwebs. They were awful and sticky and there was nothing I could do once I'd gotten on the path than keep running, really fast, until I was past it.

I finally got out and was jogging up a dirt road swiping spiderwebs off my face and arm when I suddenly heard a fluttering above me. I didn't think much of it - just a bird - until the bird dived down and grabbed my hair in its talons! I shrieked and the bird flew up, but I could still see his shadow on the road, hovering above me waiting to dive again. I can't remember what I did, and eventually the bird went away, but I kept reaching up in my hair to fix my messed up ponytail and because I was certain that I'd picked up a spider in my hair running through on the spiderwebby path, and that the bird had dived to get the spider. Don't birds eat spiders? I don't actually know, and I never found the spider. But spiderwebs and (imaginary?) spiders and attacking birds made this the scariest run ever.

lizzie mc.- said...

It wasn't a spider in the shower... it was a Houston Water roach... Nuf said. Can't dwell on horror. When I got married I told Andy you are in charge of getting rid of bugs. I had my fill in Houston. Did I ever tell you about the 3 day under the phone book water roach in my first mission apartment. Still get the heebie-jeebies thinking about it!

Elizabeth Downie said...

Lizzie - were you with me in Baytown when I tried to kill a cockroach with a phone book? I threw the phone book on the cockroach then jumped on it and twisted around and when I lifted the phone book off, the cockroach ran away! Cockroaches are DEFinitely grosser than spiders, any day. Luckily we don't have them in Michigan (or at least, I've never seen one here).

Ashley said...

Ew! Scary!

Today's Gift said...

Eww, I hate spiders.

My story has to do with a centipede. It can be found here:

Heather said...

Growing up I would check the shower for spiders and then make my little brother kill them. But just to tick me off he would only wash them down the drain. I would then have to refuse to shower in that bathroom because of course the perverted, shower peeping spider was going to climb out and bite me.
I hate my brother.

lizzie mc.- said...

It was a different water roach incident in Central Park. Threw the phone book on it during prayer. Went to finally clean up the mess 3 days later... he ran away.

I didn't remember the Baytown one... I suppose I was "used" to it by then. Or maybe it was more horrific and I blocked that one out.

Another was the centipede that would crawl up the drain pipes in VA. It's unfair to find bugs when you have no defenses... like clothes. Funny sadistic memories.

Tess said...

One evening last year at around 10:30 p.m., our friends were dropping my husband and I off at our home after choir rehearsal. We walked up our driveway and onto our walk. All of a sudden, I felt net-like sticky stuff on my face and my eyes were staring at a huge spider (its body was the size of a quarter) that was right between my eyes. Of course, I screamed bloody murder and starting hysterically thrashing at my face. Our friends came flying out of the car and the next-door neighbor's porch light snapped on. Now, my husband walks in front of me and guards my path. And that is possibly the most important reason to get married . . .

Brian said...

The only time my parents let me see a PG-13 before I was 13 was Arachnophobia when I was 9 (because I pleaded incessantly), and not surprisingly I developed an immense fear of spiders afterward. I think the scene that made me jump/squeal the most was when a character was in the shower and they cut to a POV shot as a monster spider maliciously jumped down from the showerhead down onto her face. Both me and my sister who took me to the theater were terrified of showers for a few weeks.

P.S. I had this abiding belief for years that Arachnophobia was the scariest movie ever made in the history of the cinema, but I saw it again a few years and it was totally cheesy and preposterous. Still, I don't plan on showing it to my 9 year-old nephew.

Melissa C said...

I have nothing against spiders and other insects when they are outside, just when they are inside. We have a HUGE spider that comes by every halloween and makes itself into a living decoration. It is actually pretty cool. I guess it probably isn't the same spider from year to year.

anyway, my worst insect experience was when there was a bee in the car and a friend was driving a group of us to Cedar Point. She freaked out and nearly drove us into a bus as everyone else screamed and tried to shoo it out a window. Thankfully, everyone (includeing bee) were OK. When I saw "bee movie" years later, it was sort of like that, but we were real.

Sui Sin Far said...

Same story. Substitute cockroach for spider and body wash bottle for bar of soap. Now imagine the cockroach jumped onto your leg, not just your leg, your thigh and not just your thigh but the inside of your thigh.