Sunday, May 17, 2009

Love doctor

Lately I've had to face a very harsh reality: I think I might be a bad first date. I figured this out mathematically based on my ratio of first dates to second dates. It's not good. I don't know what goes wrong on that first date. I mean, I'm not such a bad person. I've somehow convinced most of you to like me, right? (The rest of you are reading my blog searching for further evidence as to why you hate me I'm assuming?)

I think I understand the basic rules of first dates, namely:

1) Be well groomed and non-smelly
2) Be nice and try not to fight too much
3) When watching a movie, only talk to clarify the plot (ie "Who's that guy?" "Wait, what did she just say?" "I don't understand what's happening." and "What did I miss when I was in the bathroom?")
4) Be no more than 30 minutes late for the date
5) If he tries to kiss you, slap him

Everyone knows those rules, right? It's Dating 101. Yet, those rules don't seem to be doing the trick for me. To be honest, I think I over think the whole thing. Ok, that's enough honesty for the blog.

So here's what I'm thinking: remember back in November when I talked about practice dates? It's time to start it. There's no time to waste. I still think it would be a great to have the "date" fill out a questionnaire at the end of the night. But what questions should I ask? Here are some I've thought of so far:

1) Did I seem like I liked you?
2) Did you like me?
3) Would you want to ask me on a real date?
4) If not, why?
5) I'm too good for you anyway!
6) Who do you think you are?!
7) Scram! Get outta here!

Whoa, that questionnaire took a bad turn. I guess I'm a little sensitive. Maybe you guys could help me? I have two questions: 1) Do you have any tips for a first date, and 2) What are some good questionnaire questions?*

Or you could give me real advice - how do you prep yourself for a first date? I could honestly use some advice. The only real feedback I can remember getting is when a friend told me that a guy I'd gone out with said I was "uptight" on our date. This really didn't surprise me too much because I had not wanted to go out with him in a first place and he was a bit of a jerk the whole time. I'd go into more detail (it's actually pretty funny) but I am pretty sure he occasionally reads my blog so it might be best to keep it vague! Bummer.

*I'm not actually going to do the whole practice date thing, I just find the idea amusing.


Katherine said...

Wha? I thought that was a GREAT questionnaire! I think it would be very telling. Though possibly very telling about you more than him... I also think you SHOULD go on some practice dates! Guys reading this blog, step up! ;) I think we know a slightly ridiculous (ok, completely ridiculous) physicist who I'm sure would be up for it. ;)
And if it makes you feel any better, I'm pretty sure I'm a terrible first date myself. I've got rule #1 down, but the rest, well, I may break them occasionally. (Though for #5, I usually "deck" rather than "slap" him.)

Ann said...

Wait a minute!~ I thought arriving no more than 60 minutes late was the rule. Awww man, is that why I never seem to land a successful second date?

Sarah said...

As I've recently found, reading great and cheesy "chick lit" books help immensely, sometimes with what NOT to do, but also with ideas on how to approach dating in general. Did ya get the list I sent ya?

AMy said...

i think you are a fabulous catch and who cares about the "rules"!! they are overrated anyway. you just keep being yo sexy self because when it comes to love it is something that will happen anyway between two people...just let it happen.... but by no means does this mean to throw out personal hygiene... that rule is a must!

Elizabeth Downie said...

Aw, thanks Amy!! :)

Stephanie said...

One of my personal life missions is to always try for a 2nd date invite. (Do note that there are scenarios when my life missions are quickly revamped, so as to not put myself through torture---and I don't necessarily have to accept said invite).

That being said, I've found the key for me to be a successful first date is shifting my focus from myself to my date. TA-DAH!!! :) Then instead of wondering what he's thinking about me, if I said the "right" thing, if I'm even his type, etc. I'm making a sincere effort to get to know him. And it takes the pressure off of me, feeling like I'm trying to fit some sort of "ideal date" mold. Best way for the shift? Get them talking about themselves. Most guys enjoy doing that. :) You can make your questionnaire one for your date---you're trying to figure out if he's good enough for YOU, not vice versa. (Disclaimer: Do NOT actually take questionnaire on date, and an interrogation will never lead to success). Positive side effects: Easy conversation, you're relaxed and can be yourself, he feels like he was successful in holding your attention (and hence altering your world--the male ego) AND you get another free meal. :)

The End

P.S. If you question my wisdom in these matters due to my current relationship status, I'll have you know that I have braces. And that's why I'm still single...amongst other things. :)

Elizabeth Downie said...

I love it Stephanie! Great advice! :)

Vaughn said...

I am glad Steph is honest, i dont know how many girls i have had to rock their world with my ego... I love the honesty about the free food, If any guys want to take me to dinner and a movie, I'm game!

On the dating topic, i don't know if there are rules that need to be followed other than obvious social norms. (If there are a set of rules however it would explain why i suck at dating as i pay no attention or heed to those things :) I think relationships need to be treated kind of like a job, (you don't want to get fired) Dress for the occasion, try to show up on time, dont be flaky, listen and take mental notes. But as dates are a social thing, so you just need to be yourself. It works out pretty well for a number of reasons. First of all, if you are yourself you will likely be relaxed and put off the good vibes, secondly you don't have to pretend anything, it is just the real deal you. The problem i see with not being completely relaxed and yourself is that it sooner or later true colors come out anyway and people may feel like you are a phony, or that they were cheated because they thought they were getting something else. It is also so much work putting on a show or a front only to let it down one day. Different people look for different things. Some dates are looking for just plain fun, Some dates are looking for deep intellectual stimulation, some dates i swear go out just so they can be in control and plan things out, etc etc. Other dates are looking for action, companionship, the list goes on. The best part is if you are yourself you will end up going on more dates with people that are looking for what you are, and hopefully you will like what they are. Let the details work themselves out and just BEEEEEEEEEEEEEE yourself!

Vaughn said...

One more thing. No second date is not a always a bad thing, in the sense that if someone knows they are not interested, or not compatible they did not waste both parties time. Nothing wrong with you or something you did not do, it just means you may be an apple when they were looking for an orange. Nothing wrong with apples, and without that second date you can spend that time meeting people who are looking for an apple. One last thought as it i should already be fast asleep. Whoever came up with some of these dumb old fashioned rules needs to get with the times. You can call a guy if you like him after the date. You can initiate a conversation. I think we can put some of that old fashioned stuff aside and get with the program.