My thoughts are too serious lately to fit well into the usual format for Wednesday Thoughts. I think I need to lighten things up a bit by coming up with a Lifetime movie title for my life today. If you're unfamiliar with Lifetime movies, you should know that they all have very over-dramatic titles. A friend (who I won't name) watched part of one last night called "Mother, May I Sleep With Danger." Here are some other good examples:When Secrets Kill
Family Sins
Hush Little Baby (you have to click on this one and read the summary.)
When I first started at my job, Justin and Ann and I used to come up with Lifetime movie titles for anything dramatic or semi-dramatic that happened around the office. For example, when our office dog nipped at a co-worker, the title we came up with was "Bitten, but not broken." When another co-worker couldn't stop coughing, the title for her story was "Caught in the Cough Fire." When the second floor was being painted and smelled awful, the title was "The Stairway of Deadly Pathogens."
I think some good options for my day today are:
Botox Blues
Raining on my dreams (dreams of being outside)
Humbled by Humidity (my hair is being ruined by humidity)
I actually don't have botox blues. I just noticed in some pictures of myself that my eyes are looking either old or tired and for a fleeting moment wondered how much of a risk I'd be willing to take with botox. Stop judging me. I can feel it through my computer. Which reminds me of another Lifetime Movie title:
Judged by her Peers, or maybe
Toxic Botox
Who would star me in the movie? Probably Kate Gosselin, since we have the same hair (the reverse mullet). Who would play you, you ask? Well, I'm thinking either Angelina Jolie or Danny DeVito.
Happy Wednesday! May your day be filled with Lifetime Movie moments.
9 comments:
Would you judge me if I admitted to having seen Hush Little Baby? Not to ruin it, but Jamie's premonition WAS right!! "Mother, May I Sleep with Danger" is my new favorite Lifetime movie title EVER. Hilarious.
botox is botulism. I don't like paralysis of any sort.
I think Neve Campbell would play me or Kathy Bates.
Who needs botox, when Cindy Crawford has a dr. who found a rare melon that doesn't age?
After next week, either you or Justin's title could be: "In the Hallway, But Not Alone." You could be played by Miley Cyrus, and Justin could be played by Patrick Dempsey.
Miley would be the post botoxed me.
I think I have a little more personality than Patrick Dempsey!!!!!!
Oh dang, there is a movie on there called "Haunting Sarah" and it sound really eerily close to a possible event that might happen to me (and my brother!) on any given Halloween!! So, if I start acting "super strange," be on high alert!
http://www.mylifetime.com/on-tv/movies/haunting-sarah
In general, those movie titles are outrageously dramatic!! :) Right now, my Lifetime Movie would be entitled "The People with No Air." Audiences would think it was about a possible mining disaster, and be startled to learn it's about being trapped instead in a non-air-conditioned classroom with pre-deodorant-using adolescents. :( It would star Kristen Bell (aka Veronica Mars). :)
I think it's fixed now. Urine Therapy is the best natural remedy for wrinkles and acne and sunburns and eczema.
"Caught in the Cough Fire" is my favorite! Such a clever play on words! Is a Lifetime Movie moment like the "Gold Crown Moments" that we had to create when I worked at Hallmark? Probably very similar, considering that Hallmark also has a number of Lifetime-esque movies.
My most recent Lifetime moment would be titled something along the lines of, "Broken Crayons, Broken Dreams," or else, "Art Class of Doom." (The first b/c the kids are breaking me with their end of the year furor, the second b/c if they keep it up they're going to unleash something scary...)
How about "Botoxi Blues"? Mine would be "100 decibels...Death of a Lunch Lady". Alternate title: "Noise killed her". Alternate title: "She Slipped to Her Death...The Sloppy Joe Massacre". But "Caught in the Cough Fire" gets my vote for most creative Emmy. Hysterical.
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