You know what's scarier than the Grudge? Flirting. I mean, flirting for real - when you want a guy to ask you out. Not just playful flirting, purposeful flirting - do you know what I mean? Ok, I somehow just made it sound even scarier. And weird.
I've realized lately that most of the guys I've dated have been willing to meet me more than half way. I made this scale to illustrate. The red and pink lines are as far as I typically go with flirting, confidence, and boldness. The guy has to meet me the rest of the way which is something like 70% from the looks of it. I realize this isn't fair, but I'm not sure how to make the pink and red lines stretch further. How bold can I really be? How can I increase my confidence? Maybe I'm selling myself short - maybe I do more than I think I do. It's just that I see some girls who meet the guys more than half way, and I really can't do that.
I've realized lately that most of the guys I've dated have been willing to meet me more than half way. I made this scale to illustrate. The red and pink lines are as far as I typically go with flirting, confidence, and boldness. The guy has to meet me the rest of the way which is something like 70% from the looks of it. I realize this isn't fair, but I'm not sure how to make the pink and red lines stretch further. How bold can I really be? How can I increase my confidence? Maybe I'm selling myself short - maybe I do more than I think I do. It's just that I see some girls who meet the guys more than half way, and I really can't do that.
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What about you? Are you/were you a flirt? As you know, I don't (can't) ask a guy out, so I try to be as friendly as possible to make up for it. How much do guys expect girls to do to express interest?
Enough about that. I have a confession about Halloween. You guys know I love Halloween so this might surprise you, but I don't like dressing up. I can never come up with any costumes, and I usually just feel silly. So then I just end up sticking with one of the old stand by's, like a cat, or a witch, or the thing I'm going to be this year which I can't reveal yet. But which is not original. What are you going to be?
One last thing for today - this Friday is going to be the last "would you rather" for a couple weeks. Instead of doing it every Friday, I'm going to move it to every other. This one is going to be Halloween themed, so get ready to make a very spooky decision. You're gonna love it! Come back Friday and see.
Happy Wednesday.
9 comments:
I don't flirt. I can't. I don't think it's in my genes.
My family motto growing up (yes, I'm serious) was "Be Bold and Stupid" and that stuck with me, especially in terms of flirting. I remember reciting it to myself as I was trying to work up the nerve to ask a guy to dance at a high school dance. It worked, and I never looked back! :)
Yeah, I'm pretty terrible at "serious" flirting, too. I enjoy playful flirting, but when it comes to being real, I feel ridiculous.
I'm with you on costumes. I feel like I've come up with some good ones in the past, but this year, I'm blanking, and also thinking about going to one of my fall-backs! I'm very excited about the spooky would you rather this Friday!
Ask Ryan- I was super bold. I asked him out, and then STRESSED about it for DAYS because I asked him out via email while he was on vacation, and he didn't use his out of office reply. Sometimes you see something/someone you have to have, and you have to go after it/him. So glad I did that.
Also, I approached him first to introduce myself at a meeting (a couple months before I asked him out). Had NO CLUE what I was going to say, and thankfully, I figured out like 2 seconds before I said anything was that I worked for his older brother, so at least had something intelligent to start off with.
In my experience, the confident guys who know their stuff like doing the work anyway. But since I really liked shy/geeky guys, they were more than happy to let me take the lead.
In one relationship, I think I texted my geekfriend after 6 weeks of flirting and dates something to the effect of "So, how about coming over to my apartment to kiss me?" That worked for us - but he was the one to ask for my number and ask me out in the first place.
Most of the time though, if I ever singled out a guy that I liked, all I'd do was invite him to hang out with my friends and I. If you both like each other, you'll find ways to pair off and disappear together.
Dating is like dancing. Every partner is different and you'll do best if you learn how to respond to each.
From what I know..which isn't much. Most guys who are not cover model gorgeous are just happy ANY girl is interested in them and seem to appreciate any flirting or niceness.
If nothing else boosts your confidence their general gratitude should. :)
Of course....I am married and I may have lost touch with reality. Maybe just my husband is grateful for attention.
I was never really a flirt or willing to try that hard until I found a guy I knew I wanted to work for, so I did! And it was so worth it.
The only way I ever got any and I mean any of my boyfriends was because I was a big flirt. I really believe in being aggressive when dating. It's always worked well for me.
I'm not saying you do this, I'm just speaking in general, but I think it's crazy when girls don't do any of the pursuing and just sit around wondering why they aren't getting asked out. It has to go both ways. I think the female should put as much effort (more in my case) as the dude.
Flirt. So worth it. Men are clueless. They don't do subtle. And they'll think you "just want to be friends." So be brave, be super friendly and just maybe Mr. Right feels the same was as you and will be relieved that you made the first move.
Andy found a good way to ask out was, I'm going to go to... wanna come along. If he wants to be friends then it'll be two friends hanging out. If he wants more the ball is in his court... I know THE BALL. But hey, that's what you want is to be chased... right? (Isn't that what every girl wants?)
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