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Saturday, October 9, 2010

Question of the day

If someone invites you to a group thing, is it rude to ask, "who else is going to be there?" Isn't it enough that the person who invited you is going to be there?

I'm always conflicted about asking that. What do you think?

9 comments:

Ashley said...

I think it's totally fine, just to get a scope of the group. If it's a group of people you don't know, you can prepare your charm and perfect your witty stories. If it's people you can't stand, you can perhaps make an excuse to not go later. The person who invites you has a responsibility to manage the guests and make sure they're all comfortable. After all, do they want you to cling to them the entire time? Unless it's a date...
That's my snobby, overzealous 2 cents.

lizzie mc.- said...

If that's less than comfortable, maybe a is this a small group or is it by invite only or church or work... etc. But I wouldn't be offended if you asked who, I'd want you to be comfortable.

Haupi said...

I understand why you'd want to know, I would too - but I invited a couple to a small dinner party (I don't know whatelse to call it since it was a paper plate and take out deal) I was hosting and was asked "who else is coming" and I felt funny because it was almost like they wouldn't come if they didn't like who else I was inviting. This taught me to never ask this of anyone.

Katherine said...

Yeah, I've always been conflicted about this, too. I like to know who's going to be there to prepare myself mentally. :) But I can also see how the host might be worried about whether or not you're coming just because you found out that some weird people are going to be there. Maybe it depends on how well you know the host/hostess of the gathering.

TheSinglesWard said...

It is rude! It shouldn't matter. If you want to go, you go. If you don't want to go, you don't go. Fairly simple. When people ask, I'll just tell them if it's a big group or small. If they push further, I'll just tell them they are welcome to come by and find out.

Anonymous said...

Etiquette says that you respond first and then ask who is coming. You do not want your host to think that you are or are not coming because of the people they've invited.

Elizabeth Downie said...

I like that, Anonymous. That's the rule I follow. I figure that if I say yes first, it's ok if I then ask who else is going. :)

Melissa C said...

I agree with Anonymous! Especially if you wait a day or so after you have said you are coming. Mostly I ask to make sure I don't talk about it to people that aren't invited if it is small. I will sometime offer people's names to people if I am hosting and I think they will want to know if anyone they know will be there, so they don't have to ask!

Fei @ The Companion said...

People who frequently ask that question tend to get invitations a lot less from me. What is says to me is that they are more interested in the others than actually spending time with me/the activity I had planned.