Too Far

Picture it: You're at a friend's house - a friend you know well (or think you know). This friend seems to have a level head. She's a little bit lonely but otherwise perfectly fine. You ask if you can use her bathroom. She says "of course." On the way to the bathroom you notice her bedroom door is open. You glance in as you walk past. Your eyes bug out as you notice this on her bed:


Do you say anything to her? Do you pretend you didn't see it? Do you order one for yourself??

*Thank you Sara, for the link!
**This situation is purely hypothetical! It didn't happen. (Unfortunately.)

Wednesday Thoughts

I know I usually focus on single people issues in this blog - but today I have something for both the single and the paired off. In fact, I have two things for the paired off (you guys put up with a lot of single talk, so I owe you). So without further ado,

The Single Talk
Is it possible to cross over from friendship into a dating relationship? This is an age old question, of course. The main thing people are quick to point out is the possibility of ruining the friendship, of course. But I think the biggest problem is reading the signals (friendship shmendship). Years ago I had a huge crush on a guy friend of mine and assumed he did not feel the same way. I was wrong, but only found out when it was too late. Neither of us knew the other felt the same way! What a waste. So that's my question this week - anyone have any experience with this? I've talked with friends about this over the years but I don't think I've ever talked about it in this forum before.

The other question that goes along with this is: how do you avoid getting in the friend zone in the first place? I've heard a few theories on this over the years but thought I'd ask what you guys think. I need to know so that the next time I meet a cool guy I don't ruin things by giving him a friendship bracelet prematurely.

And now some stuff for the couples! I have two products to share with you this week. And I should warn you, they're both disturbing, but for different reasons.

Product #1
Cuddle Spray - This one is pretty sneaky. Think your boyfriend/husband isn't cuddly enough? Spray them with some cuddle spray and let the spooning begin! This scientific formula makes a man more like a woman, which I guess makes them want to cuddle more (I'm a little fuzzy on the science). Click here for more info. Would you let your man know you were using this on him? Or would you trick him? This product upsets me a little bit, but not as much as the one I'm about to share...


Product #2
The Better Marriage Blanket - To introduce this product, I'll start with the first line in its commercial:

"It's the problem in the marriage bed that no one likes to talk about. Maybe that's why they call it 'silent but deadly.'"

Oh boy. I'm already starting to regret bringing this one up. I like to think my blog is above this. That having been said, I felt that I just had to share this amazing product with you guys. But because I refuse to say the F word in this blog (the other F word), I'm going to let the commercial do the talking:



If you were getting married, which would you rather receive as a wedding gift?

Happy Wednesday!

PS - There's something wrong with Blogger today and the "comment" button keeps disappearing. Check back later (or refresh a few times) and it should be back!

Wednesday Thoughts

It's been far too long since I've endorsed any as-seen-on-tv products. Remember the Arctic tie? And the Chillow? And of course, who could forget the Snuggie. Well, Chris brought to my attention an awesome new product that I absolutely had to share with you. It's called the Comfort Wipe and it's what you've always been looking for! I've been saying for years now that the days of old fashioned toilet paper are coming to an end. Check this out:



Ok, now that you've seen it, I can't pretend to endorse it anymore. It's just too hilarious. My favorite lines:

"For over 100 years, we've been scrunching and folding toilet paper. Finally, there's a better way!!!!!!" (Is it really that hard to fold and scrunch?)

"It's as easy to use as a shower brush!" (I've always found shower brushes hard to use, actually.)

"Think about it: toilet paper is really archaic and disgusting!" (So is going to the bathroom at all when you really think about it. Let's eliminate the whole process! Now that would be a product I could get behind! Get it? Behind...? Moving on...)

"Being a big guy certainly has its advantages and its disadvantages. This is a great product!" (That guy is never going to live this down.)

"The Comfort Wipe allows you to maintain your dignity." (That's the fakest accent I've ever heard. Also, Chris pointed out that "dignity" shouldn't be in this advertisement unless it's in a sentence that begins, "This will ensure total and permanent forfeiture of your...")

"The first improvement to toilet paper since the 1880s!" (I still don't know what's wrong with normal t.p. George Costanza already tried everything to improve t.p. and proved that it can't be done. Who do these people think they are!?)

"Don't be embarrassed, just get a comfort wipe!" (What could be more embarrassing?!)

Let's just say you were given a Comfort Wipe as a gift. Would you use it? I have a sneaking suspicion it's not as clean and "dignified" a product as they are implying. I won't get into details though in case you're eating.

Happy Wednesday!

USA-1000

As you know, I often try to post something funny on Friday and today I have to talk about the world beard competition. Did you guys hear about this? It was held earlier this week. Here are the three winners, in order (first place on top, third on the bottom)


Who's beard do you like the best? I like the guy who won, and I must say, even with that bizarro beard, he's not too bad looking. Am I right?

Ok, I have one more thing to share with you and I'm not sure how comfortable I am sharing this. It's an old commercial from the 70's that Chris sent to me. You will not be able to get the song out of your head for days. And I guarantee you'll even say "nobody bothers me, either!" and wink after you sing it. You'll see what I mean. I told Chris I was reluctant to share it because it's impossible to get out of your head, but he said that if I don't inflict it on as many people as possible, it will haunt me forever. So without further ado...

Sick

Reason #467 why winter stinks: it keeps making me sick. I've been sick with the flu, or the flu's evil cousin, since Wednesday. The last several days have been filled with sleep, reruns of Sister Sister, more sleep, and Kleenex boxes. And now I'm getting cabin fever. (I guess it's better than the actual fever I couldn't get rid of until this morning.)

I think the thing that would make me feel a lot better would be my Snuggie, but it hasn't arrived yet. It feels like it's been a couple weeks since I ordered it, but I'm pretty sure it was just Wednesday. Time moves in slow motion when you're sick I guess!

I keep telling myself that summer is only months away to try to cheer myself up, but it's not really working. One of my coworkers named the months of January and February "Janufeb" because they seem to just blur together becoming the longest months of the year, which is ironic since February is actually technically the shortest month of the year. Technically.

Ok, I think I've done enough complaining for one post, so here are a few lighter things. First of all, when February finally does come, here's the picture on my "Just us Chickens" calendar for that month. Something to look forward to, indeed. Oh, and if you are interested in seeing the cake Amy and I made for the Lost party, here's a link to her blog, which has some great pictures of it!

And lastly, because I did so much complaining in the first half of this post, I feel I owe you one more funny thing. This video made me laugh. Enjoy!

Wednesday Thoughts

Today's the day! LOST starts tonight!! Last night Amy and I got together and made a Lost cake. It's an exact replica of the Lost island (to scale). Ok, maybe not exact, but close (ok, maybe not close). The point is, it's an awesome cake. I can't post pictures of it yet because I don't want to ruin the surprise for people who are going to see it later today. But I will post pictures eventually. I can't wait for tonight! I really hope the Smoke Monster makes an appearance (cross your fingers that this is the year the Smoke Monster will finally get that Emmy)!

In other news, I just ordered my (drum roll please) Snuggie! Finally, I can find out if it lives up to all the hype! Hype which was mostly generated by me, admittedly. All I know is that I'm cold all the time and I need help getting through the winter. I can't wait for my "knight in fleecy armor" to arrive.

Question (Schrute style): is winter almost over? We're at least rounding the bend, right? Groundhog day is only 11 days away, and I really hope that groundhog has good news. Is he ever right? When did we start relying on a groundhog for important weather news?

The next holiday after Groundhog day (which I always thought was Groundhog's Day until checking out the website), is Valentine's Day. I've heard it referred to as Single Awareness Day by some of my single friends, but personally I don't mind it. I think all the reds and pinks kind of brighten up one of the darkest, coldest months of the year. What do you think?

Singlehood: Solved!

My friend Sara posted the funniest/most disturbing link in the comments section of my last post and what with Valentines Day coming up and the very cold weather, I just had to share it with you. You can thank me (and Sara) later. But I guess I'm turning into a bitter single person because even though I cracked up when I saw the link, I was also slightly nausiated. If you guys haven't seen Smittens yet, check out this site!

I'm going to buy a pair and just walk around with the couples mitten hanging off my hand. Then I'll approach guys who look cold and ask them if they want to share. What do you think? Will it work?

Interloper

Ok, this is going to be the last time I talk about this product (or at least the second or third to last time). It has been brought to my attention by my friend Emily that there's a new Snuggie on the block and it's called the Toasty Wrap. It's a total impostor! I don't even understand what's happening - if you click on the Toasty Wrap link, you'll see that it has the same commercial as the Snuggie, and you even get a free book light when you order one, which is the same free gift you get with the Snuggie! Is it made by the same company or something? Why would they make two of the same products but name them different names?

Maybe I'm getting too worked up over this, but what is up with the name Toasty Wrap? It sounds like fast food. It's an even worse name than the Slanket, and let's be honest, Slanket is a horrible name. Can you even say it out loud without laughing? I haven't been able to yet, and trust me when I say I've tried.

Ok, last thing. I noticed just now that on the Toasty Wrap page they have a section for testimonials and they are clearly not real. The Slanket has the same section but instead of calling it "testimonials," they call it "Slanketeering" and they appear to be all too real. Here's one of the testimonials from the Slanketeering page:

The Slanket is my new best friend because all of my old friends may dump me if I don't stop raving about it. They assume I won't want to go out with them because I'd rather be wrapped up in it. (They assume right.) It arrived in the mail to save me as if on cue -- my knight in fleecy armor -- the day before temperatures in Boston plunged to below freezing. I brought it straight to the couch and it was love.

My knight in fleecy armor?

Anyway, which name do you guys think is the best (or worst)? Maybe I'll put up a poll. I know I'm obsessed by the way, but maybe if it wasn't -11 degrees today (not including wind chill) I wouldn't be constantly think about ways to warm up! Until then, I'm still waiting for my knight in fleecy armor.

Wednesday Thoughts

So, I know I've joked about the Snuggie a lot, but what if I actually bought one? Can we still be friends? My friend Kara got one as a gift, and I'm really jealous! Her room mate Jessica loves it so much, she thinks it should be a national treasure (that's what she said in the infomercial she made for it anyway). And on the radio this morning, the DJ I was listening to was going on and on about how cozy his Snuggie is. I think it's time I just stop pretending and get a Snuggie.

Another thing. I know it's insanely cold out, but am I the only one who thinks that ski masks are really scary? On my way to work yesterday, I saw a guy standing at a bus stop wearing a ski mask and it freaked me out a little bit. Not that I blame the guy (or girl?), I mean, it is freezing out, but... it looked like he was on his way to rob a bank. Maybe if it was crocheted it would have been less scary? Maybe not.

Have you guys seen all the Youtube videos of people doing the dance from Beyonce's video "Single Ladies"? Honestly, once you start watching them, it's hard to stop. Check out this kid, or this dude, or these people, or these ladies. Some of them are good, some are just hilarious. I don't think I've watched any of them all the way through, but the first minute is enough. I should warn you though: you'll never get that song out of your head. Also, you might be disturbed. I should have said that first.

One more thought/question: exactly how much do I have to layer to stay warm in this weather? I went so far as to wear two pairs of socks today - one pair is knee length, the other is normal length. It wasn't enough. I need more layers - but I'm not sure where to draw the line. I want to be warm, but I also want to avoid looking like this person.

Well, those are my thoughts this morning. I'm sorry most of them are cold weather related, but what can I say? That's my reality today. Cold, cold, cold. Maybe I should learn the Beyonce dance to warm up?

Wednesday Thoughts

How much of a social faux pas is it to admit that I'm terrified of the Tran-Siberian Orchestra? I keep seeing commercials for them and their show looks pretty out of control. Colored lights, explosions, smoke machines, electric quitars...but with Christmas music. I'm sure they're quite talented but I don't get it. About 50 seconds into the youtube video I got scared out of my mind and had to stop watching.

What's with all these new websites that let you upload your picture into the scenario of your dreams? And where have they been all my life?

On the radio yesterday they were talking about both the Snuggie and the Shamwow! Small world! They said that the Snuggie is on back order for six weeks. I'm pretty bummed about that. Which one of you bought the last one? I hope there are still some Slankets available.

I was at the dentist the other day getting my teeth cleaned and when it was over and I was complimenting the hygienist on a job well done, she told me that a patient recently told her she'd rather have a baby then get her teeth cleaned. Which would you prefer? I've never had a baby, but I'm pretty sure it's a lot more work, and a lot more painful than getting your teeth cleaned.

I won a radio contest this morning! And in other good news, when I signed in on Facebook this morning, I saw that a couple I hardly know got back together! I've followed their saga (against my will) through constant updates in my Facebook newsfeed and have determined that they are meant to be together. It was like seeing Ross and Rachel get back together. Today is shaping up to be a good day.

Gift Ideas

If you guys haven't already seen this, you should check it out. It's called the Snuggie, and my friend Emily brought it to my attention. When I saw the infomercial, it blew my mind. Seriously, who wouldn't want one of these this winter? It's so practical! I'm definitely wearing one to the next outdoor sporting event I go to. Who needs a jacket or sweater!? Bad news for the Snuggie though, it's got some competition with the Slanket. (Best name ever.)

Link to Snuggie ad (I got sick of seeing it everytime I went to my blog!)

You guys know I'm joking.... right? I actually want a Chillow. I'm sick of sleeping with my face in the desert. Honestly.

But if you're tired of carrying your Chillow around with you everywhere you go, you might want to try the Arctic Tie. You wear a bandana around your neck everyday anyway, it might as well be doing a job, right?

Don't thank me, thank Kathy. She's the genius who guided me to these amazing products. My life will never be the same when all these items arrive in the mail. I can't even tell you the problems I've had regulating my body temperature. Problem solved! And yes, I am going to use these all at once.