Lesson #1 - Parent's just don't understand. If you see a ghost, don't even bother telling your parents. They definitely won't believe you. You're on your own, kid. (Mr. Boogedy, Hocus Pocus)
Lesson #2 - Ghosts don't really haunt apartments for the most part. Sometimes they haunt regular houses, but large old mansions? DEFINITELY haunted. Especially if you're a musician. There's something about musicians that really draws the ghosts in. Just know that if you move into an older mansion, it's haunted. No doubt about it. (The Changeling, Watcher in the Woods, the Woman in Black, the Haunted Mansion, this one Lifetime movie I saw that was really scary and I don't really want to get into it.)
Lesson #3 - Japan is full of scary stuff. And the ghosts in Japan? They don't follow the rules. Yes, I'm looking at you, GRUDGE. If I'm under my covers, I should be safe, right!? The Grudge broke one of the cardinal rules of ghost-hood. Respect the covers. (The Grudge, The Ring, Shall We Dance)
Lesson #4 - The woods? That's where the ghosts are. But let's be honest, that one's a no-brainer. We knew that without a movie telling us that. (Watcher in the Woods, Sleepy Hollow, our childhood imaginations)
Lesson #5 - Men are probably not going to help you much in scary situations, unless they're already dead. (The Grudge, The Others, The Sixth Sense, What Lies Beneath [times ten], The Skeleton Key, every Lifetime movie ever in the history of Lifetime movies)
Exceptions: Shaggy, Scooby, Fred, Eddie Murphy
Lesson #6 - Kid ghosts? Kid ghosts are NOT. COOL. (The Changeling, The Sixth Sense, The Ring, The Others, the Grudge, Insidious, The Woman in Black)
Lesson #7 - Ghosts use water to their advantage. For some reason, ghosts love showing themselves in water. They also love trying to pull you under. I don't know why. Maybe being in water is the only place they feel alive? Maybe they like the way the water feels on their ghostly "skin"- there's no way of knowing. I just know that if you are in a horror movie, just don't look in the water. Don't even shower. Buy some handy wipes and call it a day - trust me on this. (What Lies Beneath, The Changeling, The Grudge, Watcher in the Woods, and so many more)
Lesson #8 - Mirrors. Just like you should avoid water, you should also avoid mirrors. Ghost seem to be perpetually trapped in mirrors. They also love writing on the fog on mirrors while you're in the shower. This goes back to rule #7 - no bathing in haunted houses. In fact, just invest in some Depends and avoid bathrooms all together. (The Changeling, Psycho, What Lies Beneath, Watcher in the Woods)
Lesson #9 - If you're a teenager do not do the following things: baby-sit, attend summer camp, make out with your boyfriend in a car, loiter, light a black flamed candle (if you're a virgin), hang out with the mysterious boy next door when your mom's not home, get frisky at all, and so on. Being a teenager in a horror movie is bad news all around. You probably won't die, but lots of other people will, and you'll be scarred for life. (House at the End of the Street, Watcher in the Woods, every single horror movie made in the 80's, Hocus Pocus)
|Don't do it, J. Law. Just don't.|
Lesson #10 - Most ghosts turn out to be Old Man Withers. And he would have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for you meddling kids. (Scooby Doo, Wayne's World)
|Fred is so brave.|
Two Scooby Doo gifs in one post? You're welcome.
What scary movie lessons am I forgetting?