Pages

Monday, February 2, 2009

Dang Groundhog

Well, the groundhog saw his shadow, and you know what that means. Six more weeks of winter. When did we start trusting a groundhog anyway!? What makes them so trustworthy? Are they ever right? I guess I don't understand the "science" behind it. I think it's time Punxsutawney Phil steps aside and lets another animal start doing some weather predicting. Groundhogs can't be the only animals deeply in tune with weather cycles! Here are some suggestions for replacements.

Nairobi Nick:
Throw a giraffe in the lake. If he swims the long way across, six more weeks of winter. If he swims the shortest distance back, summer's coming early. If he looks really hilarious in the process, summer starts in four weeks.

Magic Hat Mike:
Ask a magician to point at his magic hat and say abracadabra! If a rabbit comes out, six more weeks of winter. If doves come out, summer comes early. If bats come out, Halloween is moved to August.

Mumbai Mary:
Charm a snake. If she comes out of the basket doing the rumba, six more weeks of winter. If she comes out doing the salsa, summer's coming early. If she bites you, suck the venom out.

Des Moines Darcy:
Put your cat in a tree. If the fireman who comes to rescue her charges you for his services, six more weeks of winter. If he asks you on a date, summer is coming early. If he asks you if your friend is single, summer and fall are flip-flopped this year.

If those don't work, here's the most accurate test. Go out on the lake in your boat. Put a worm on a hook and throw it in the water. If a fish eats that worm, it's already summer.

5 comments:

justin said...

I really like Des Moines Darcy.

I think there should be something with a Sea Lion too. Maybe Saline Stan. If you can swim all the way across Mill Pond without him biting you then summer will come early. If he only nips at your toes, but you're still able to fight him off, then 6 more weeks of winter. If he takes a chunk out of your ear then you'll have to wait unti next year for summer.

Sarah said...

These are hilarious!! :)

Katherine said...

HA! I love these ideas!! HILARIOUS! I keep trying to pick a favorite, but it's so hard! I think I favor the giraffe idea for two reasons: 1- I love giraffes. 2- I have a reeeeally hilarious image in my head of a giraffe's legs all spread-eagle (spread-giraffe?) as it flies through the air into the lake. What sort of campaign do you think we'd have to get going in order for this change to happen? And while we're campaigning for change, can we also change Michigan's State Motto to, "Michigan - we're a handful?" "If you seek a pleasant peninsula, look about you" isn't as cool.

Mike said...

I'm with Katherine. Let's start celebrating Giraffe day. The only problem I see is that giraffe's are a little more expensive than groundhogs, so it puts weather predicting completely into the hands of rich people and zoos...and anyone else who just so happens to own a giraffe.

Polly said...

When you put it this was groundhogs day really seems like a bunch of bunk. When did we start trusting a ground hog? Doesn't it sound like something that is from the dark ages? Isn't the logic as good as throwing a “witch” in the water and if she drowns she is human. You'd think we'd be past this sort of belief system by now.