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Monday, September 9, 2013

#1

Disclaimer: if you are an eligible bachelor who is thinking about asking me on a date, don't read this post or you might change your mind.

Tonight I went to a dinner party at a good friend's house. After some general chit-chat, I asked her where her bathroom was and took care of my business (which was just #1 for the record).

A little bit later, we ate some delicious dinner  (grilled pork chops, corn on the cob, asparagus, cantaloupe, and salad) and dessert (apple crisp with whipped cream) and laughed and talked and generally had a good time.

Sometime during the dessert portion of our party, I realized I had to pee again. But I'd already gone once! Within the last hour! When I'm at home that's no big deal but at someone else's house where you have to make a statement excusing yourself every time you go, it's not comfortable to do such things.

Think about it. If I'd said, "excuse me, I need to duck away to the bathroom," right after eating, they might think I'm bulimic. Or worse - that I had to poop! (The horror!) And you can't say something like, "I need to use the restroom again - I drank a lot of water today," because let's be honest - no one wants to know!

So I held it.

After the dinner party, I walked to my grandma's apartment which is only about a 15 minute walk away. I figured I could hold it. I'm an adult. My bladder has plenty of experience holding it.

About half way there, I was in the danger zone. As in, I was considering knocking on a strangers door and asking to use their facilities. After I ruled that out, I started looking for wooded areas where I could sneakily go without anyone seeing me.

There were none.

At that point I started thinking about the social stigma of wetting my pants.

I decided it wasn't worth it.

So I booked it the rest of the way to my grandma's house, using all my mental powers to stay strong. Focusing on dry thoughts and cursing my insistence on staying hydrated.

Inside the front entrance to my grandma's retirement community, there is a public bathroom that I almost didn't make it to. You know how your body knows (the brain just can't keep a secret) that you are near a toilet and it starts to loosen its grip? Dang, that is a dangerous time. But I made it.

Sweet, sweet relief.

The moral of the story is this: don't hold it. Let's end the social stigma of peeing twice in one hour. OR, let's end on the social stigma on adult diapers. Your decision.

7 comments:

Katherine said...

Best blog post EVER.

Wee Sisters Three said...

I almost peed laughing at this post. I took a potty break and am back to type this comment. :)

heather said...

Ha, I don't know if having people think you need to poop is worse than being a bulimic :)... but I do agree about having to use the hosts bathroom more than once, or right after a meal. I purposely don't drink as many fluids when I'm at someones house for this very reason.

DTR said...

Dang, I thought the asparagus you ate for dinner was going to play a role at the end of the story.

Elizabeth Downie said...

Haha, the asparagus hadn't had enough time to make an impact at that point.

violet50 said...

Since my bladder is the size of a lentil, this is a common event in my life. Funny post!

mburnette1750 said...

I loved reading the comments and seeing Heathers screen name Wee .....