Eastwooding

In case you missed it, Clint Eastwood spoke at the Republican National Convention last night, and in so doing, started a new meme called "Eastwooding." As part of his speech, he spoke to an empty chair as  if President Obama was sitting there. He asked it questions, then responded as if the chair was answering back. It was at times, funny, and at times, weird. But the good news is, it started a new meme. And if there's one thing I like, it's a good meme. I've been giggling all day as my Twitter feed has been full of funny pictures stemming from this human to chair RNC conversation.

Here are some of my favorites so far:

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Double meme. I like it. source

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Am I easily amused? Yes, no doubt about it. But it's nice to find something funny in politics these days since for the most part it's been killing my soul. The difference between Facebook and Twitter (at least, in my experience) is that Facebook political posts make me want to unfriend the known universe, whereas twitter provides me with pictures of a bird Eastwooding the crap out of a chair, and just like that, my soul is restored.

Wednesday Thoughts

Whenever I feel sad these days, I think about the Ecce Homo debacle in Spain. In case you haven't heard the story, an elderly parishioner took it upon herself to restore a damaged fresco painting of Christ in her church in Spain. She did not do a good job. Here's the original followed by hers:

It's sad, of course. I hate to think that such a nice painting was destroyed, but at the same time, I couldn't help but pretty much lose it when I saw the completed "restoration" which bares no resemblance to the original at all!! The elderly woman who "restored" the painting thinks she was doing the right thing, and said no one tried to stop her during the process of "fixing" it.

Of course when something like this happens, you know the meme maniacs are going to be on top of it and they did not disappoint! Here are some of my favorites:

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So bad!! I know, I know. I shouldn't be making fun of this debacle. I mean, for one, an elderly lady is now humiliated for her horrible restoration job, and two, it's a picture of Jesus. But heaven help me I can't  help but giggle whenever I see one of these pictures. Her restoration was just so bad! (Not that I could have done any better. But I wouldn't have tried either.)

Something else making me laugh this week is the new Bic "Pens for her" product which as you probably guessed, is a special pen designed for a woman's hands. It makes no sense. I've never had a problem using a "man's pen" before. The product has been getting some hilarious reviews on Amazon, like this one:

I wrote down this review actually using this product, but my husband had to type it out for me as I have no idea how to use any form of technology other than a blender.

The pen is great. 

Or this one:

I understand the need for the Bic For Her pen. However, you have not taken into account all of my needs. Nowhere on the label does it state that these pens are kosher. Still waiting on Bic For Jewish Her pens.

Or this last one:

HULK NEED PEN WRITE NOTE

HULK ONLY FIND BIC FOR HER

HULK SMASH PEN

HULK SAD

HULK DEMAND BIC FOR HIM 

Even NPR has been making fun of these pens (link)!

What's making you laugh this week?

Happy Wednesday!

Just Friends

Sometimes I meet a guy who I click with really well and have a lot of fun with. But for whatever reason, I just don't want to date him. There's a guy in my life like this right now. It's probably not you, if you're a guy and you're reading this. I'm pretty sure he doesn't read this blog. If you're wondering if it's you, feel free to ask, I'll be honest with you.

ANYway. This guy is great. He's cute and he's so funny and interesting. I have a great time hanging out with him. But I don't want to date him. As far as I can tell, he doesn't want to date me either, since he's never asked me out. But still, when you're single you can never just assume that you know what the other person is thinking or that they know what you are thinking. It's not sustainable, emotionally.

I've been trying to figure out how to broach the subject with him just to make sure we're on the same page.

This is a rough draft of what I've come up with so far,

"Dear Friend, 

You're so great. I'm glad we're friends. I love hanging out with you. Do you want to be my non-boyfriend best friend guy friend just-friend? Like, it's nothing against you. I mean, you're very attractive, but we just don't have sparks, plus I don't like that one thing about you, no offense, it's just sort of a deal breaker, but NOT for just-friends. Just-friends are way more forgiving than girlfriends! We can hang out and try new restaurants together and goof on people, and go to museums and concerts and watch movies and laugh and maybe even go on a road trip.  

Sometimes we'll flirt with each other - no big deal. But we'll both know we're just friends for always. Unless things change and we decide we "like" each other because let's be real, that could happen. I mean, we're both great people who enjoy each other's company. But for now I'm not seeing that as a possibility at all. Are you? Don't answer that. I just want to be friends. Like, best friends who do stuff together all the time and have each other's backs until one of us starts dating someone and the other one grows resentful and our friendship becomes a painful memory for the one who's still single. 

That's kind of what I was envisioning for our relationship. Check yes if you agree.

Love (as a friend),
Elizabeth"

What do you guys think? That's playing it pretty cool, right? Maybe it's not long enough?

The Sea Lamprey

This weekend I went to a family reunion in Rogers City, Michigan, where my uncle lives. Before the reunion officially began on Saturday, my mom, dad, sister, and I decided to explore the town a bit. Rogers City is an absolutely beautiful place. Waterfalls, Lake Huron, light houses, etc.

After exploring a bit, we saw an ice cream place by the beach and decided to pull over. It turns out the town was holding a "family fun day" on the beach, so once we got our cones, we wandered around a bit.

In the building attached to the ice cream place, volunteers had set up informational booths about the marine life in Lake Huron. One of the booths had a tank full of sea lampreys, and invasive species that made their way into the Great Lakes from the Atlantic Ocean. They attach themselves to fish, and suck their blood dry. They. Are. Disgusting.

Yet fascinating.

(found on interwebs, did not take myself)

I asked the guys at the booth a lot of questions about them. The cute guy in charge of the booth asked me if I'd like to pet one. I wasn't so sure I did but once he put his gloves on, pulled one out and handed it over to me, I couldn't help but stroke its back. It was slimy and DISGUSTING.

So why did I do the next part? I have no idea.

Something you need to know about me before I tell you what happened next: I don't really do BIG adventurous things. I'm never going to sky dive, or swim with sharks. I'm not likely to bungee jump unless someone flings my dead body over the side of a bridge, and I'm the last person in the world to go heli-skiing. But little adventures? Yep. Sign me up.

So when the guy asked me if I'd like to suction the sea lamprey to my arm, I heard the word "yes" come out of my mouth before I had time to think it over. He let it suction onto his arm first to show me how easy it came off. He tugged just a bit and *pop* it came off, no problem. Here it is on my arm:

As soon as it attached, I felt a shock. It feels more like being electrocuted than anything else. The guy started tugging it right away, but had to tug three times, hard, before it would come off. It was sucking on my arm for dear life. Little tiny pools of blood were on my arm when he did get it off. Hardly any blood at all, but still really gross.

WHY DID I AGREE TO THAT? I have no idea. No regrets though. Yesterday I had a sea lamprey suctioned to my arm. What did you do!? (Burn.)

Here's a picture I found of a close up of their mouths. Yeah, I know. Sick.

I could not possibly have used more soap to scrub the wound clean once I saw how gross that mouth was. Those poor trout. As I told the guys at the booth, sea lampreys are a bunch of jerks.

Tangled

This isn't the first post I've written wherein I compare one of my nieces to a dog. It sounds worse than it actually is though. It's all about the poses, nothing more. The first time I compared a niece to a dog was due to a similar hair style. Here's the link to that post. This time, it's... well just scroll down and see for yourself.

The first picture is of my niece, playing on the playground. I heard her struggling on the play structure and turned to see her like this. Before I could even think of helping her, I had to take a picture. Because it's 2012 and that's how we do.

Later that day I logged onto Facebook and saw that my cousin had posted a picture of his dog, in a pose that makes no sense to the human mind. I had to tilt  my head from side to side to figure out what was going on here and I'm still not sure I get it. My cousin said the dog doesn't get it either.

(This picture is posted without permission)

Where is the head coming from!?

Who is more tangled? The human or the dog?

Wednesday Thoughts

This morning I started registering for a 25 mile bike ride around Detroit next month, called the Tour De Troit. As part of the registration process, you are given the option of joining a team. The teams are just groups of people who gave themselves names, and it is not necessary to join one. It's just an option. Out of curiosity, I scrolled through the team names, and thought I'd share some of them with you. Luckily for me, if I decide to ditch my friends (which I would never do!), I could still join the following teams, all of which still have openings:

• Ain't Nobody Got Time For That
• Bi Couple Seeking Same
• Hoodrats
• Milkweed Rebellion
• Little Rad Riding Hood
• You Cannot Bring Sexy Back Without A Receipt
• Sob Chronicles
• Where Would Jesus Ride?

Pretty good, huh? I'm thinking I need to get my friends to come up with a name for our group, though I'm not sure I could come up with a name to top any of those.

In other thoughts, this summer I've been thinking about one of my favorite book series when I was a kid, the Trixie Belden series. Summer often reminds me of Trixie Belden because I read most of the books one summer vacation when I was probably 8 or 9 years old. The books were my mom's from when she was that age, and they smelled like books are supposed to smell, with their hard covers frayed on the corners. Trixie and her friends and brothers are always solving mysteries and having adventures in their small town in upstate New York.

I loved Trixie so much I even named my first pet, a goldfish, after her. Trixie the fish lived for five years, which I'm pretty sure is some sort of record. And also somewhat of a miracle considering my occasional childhood neglectfulness.

Anyway, I was feeling so nostalgic for Trixie (the book character, not the fish) this summer that I ordered the first two books from Amazon, and they arrived this week. I'm halfway through the first one, and it's just as charming as I remember it, and not too juvenile to enjoy as an adult (though definitely intended for a younger audience). If any of you are looking for a good book series for your young daughter, I'd definitely recommend this one. I think even without the nostalgia factor, they are great books.

We're nearing the end of summer - have you fit everything in you wanted to do this summer yet? There's still time for that summer romance!

Happy Wednesday.

Grandma Says

Last night during my weekly visit with my grandma, she was lamenting that she can't do as much as she used to now that she's mostly confined to her wheel chair. One of the things she feels most upset about is that she can't make her bed some days. I told her not to worry about it, that I rarely make my bed. Her shocked reaction would make you think I'd just told her I don't even own a bed.

She said, "Well THAT'S going to have to change when you get married!!!"

I said, "I know." But then I wondered why I said that. I guess I've always figured I'd make my bed when I get married, but why? To impress my husband? Because it's more grown up to make your bed? Because my mom has always made her (and my dad's) bed?

I'm not sure.

I'm not a total slob. I wash my bedding once a week, and every time I wash my bedding, I make my bed neatly. But as the week goes on, it becomes more disheveled. I usually pull the covers up before I leave for the day, but I don't make it look all neat. Is that bad?

I just think this:

looks a little more more inviting and comfortable than this:

What do you guys think? How many of you regularly make your bed? When I get married, do I have to make my bed?

Wednesday Thoughts

Whew- I haven't blogged since last Wednesday? It must be summer. 

As I mentioned last week, I went camping over the weekend. In fact, I took a couple days off work and had a mini-vacation. It was great. 

How about some trip highlights!

I saw a dog get arrested by the KOA police (the owner) for barking nonstop.

Bought a hatchet so I could fit in with the hatchet club. 

(Guess which one is mine:)

 

 

 
Yelled at a friend for chopping wood at 7:00 IN THE MORNING. On another occasion tried to replace his hatchet with mine so he couldn't wake me up again. He noticed it was a different hatchet right away though. I don't understand how.

Scared a friend by convincing her the Dogman of northern Michigan is real (he is). (Though in my opinion, he's not a Dogman - he's just a run-of-the-mill werewolf. Nothing to be scared of.)

Saw THREE Great Lakes in two days (Michigan, Huron, and Superior).

 

Lake Superior, the Great Lake with by far the most shipwrecks

 

Spent a lovely afternoon on Mackinac Island, which included a bike ride around the island. 

 

 

 

Ate fudge, which is what the island is really all about. 

(This is an actual shirt I saw sold around the island, and yes, I did spend the rest of the day saying this.)

 

I thought WTF meant Why The Face?

 

Saw some bears UP CLOSE! Behind fences though, thank goodness. Our friend's family owns a bear ranch in the U.P. We had been told we could hold a bear cub but guess what? THE MAN (authorities) are once again trying to ruin our fun. Humans are no longer allowed to hold the cubs. Good news though, some senators who are fans of the bear ranch are passing legislation to make it legal again. When that happens you know I'll be right back up there hugging a cub.

Not a cub. Will not be holding this one.

 Saw the Tahquamenon Falls, and yes, I did have to google how to spell that. And yes, they were beautiful! And the second largest waterfall east of the Mississippi river:

I learned a few things about myself on this trip. For one, I'm much too old to find Mad Libs as funny as I do (Mad Libs were done in the tent every night, and they make me laugh hysterically). Two: I don't know nearly enough ghost stories for the camp fire. And three: I should have bought this amazing night gown I saw in a store in the U.P.:

Seriously, what was I thinking not buying that? Am I right?

Happy Wednesday!

Wednesday Thoughts

I'm about to live one of those Pure Michigan commercials. Tomorrow morning I'm heading "up north" for a few days to camp and explore the U.P. (Upper Peninsula), the waterfalls, Mackinac Island, and the bear ranch. Eeee! I'm super excited.

Just last summer I hated camping, but I've gone a few times since then and I've grown to really like it. Bumpy ground, mosquito bites, and all. I've spent all my free time this week packing. Besides the normal stuff one brings camping, (sleeping bag, bathing suit, bug spray, tv, vcr, flat iron, mini fridge, and microwave), these are some of the things I got: 

1. games

2. solar lamp

3. brush-and-go tooth brushes

4. mini fan

5. the movie "Somewhere in Time" which is over-the-top sweet and romantic and takes place on Mackinac Island

6. some kind of chemicals to add to a campfire and change the colors of the flames

7. oops..... 

8. I never eat beef jerky but I felt I HAD to for a campout. Feels more like "roughing it" if you have to yank your food apart with your teeth.

9. laundry bag

10. mosquito bracelet

11. SPACE GOLDFISH! In honor of the Mars landing

Am I forgetting anything? One thing I NEED (slash am scared of) for camping is the "Go Girl" - a way for women to pee standing up. 

Last weekend I went camping and the "bathroom" (a shed with no plumbing, no ventilation and a porta potty toilet) there smelled like ten dead bodies, 1,000 porta-potties, five skunks, and what I assume toe jam smells like (it sounds gross so I assume it smells bad). It smelled so bad that the smell got stuck in my nostrils for up to ten minutes after I ran screaming out of there. Am I painting a picture? At that point, I really wanted a "go girl" so I could be free of that place. 

This time I should be ok though. We're going to a KOA and the bathrooms should only smell about 1/4 as bad as the one from last weekend. 

I can't wait to get up north and explore. I'll probably have this song in my head half the time. So I'll make sure you do too.

Happy Wednesday!

Ashlee and the St. Lunatics

I kind of can't believe I haven't shared this with you guys yet. Maybe it's because I'm afraid you'll be so jealous you'll break into my house and steal it. I mean, it IS one of the coolest things I've ever owned. And by far one of my biggest treasures.

Last summer I happened upon this book at the book store in Ludington. For obvious reasons, I had to pick it up and leaf through it. A book about Ashlee Simpson? ? What exactly is there to tell? (Sorry, Ashlee.) Even more mysterious, it appears to have been owned by a Baltimore library once (see spine), which doesn't make any sense because this bookstore doesn't sell used  books. It also doesn't make sense because why would a library own this book...? Then get rid of it? (Actually that last question makes sense.)

It was almost as if fate handed me this book.

I flipped it over and read the back cover:

Marcia, Marcia, Marcia!!!

Intrigue! Maybe there's more to this Ashlee Simpson than I realized! And it certainly doesn't paint Mr. and Mrs. Simpson in a good light. I just had to know more. So I opened it up and glanced at the table of contents. That's where I realized something was wrong. That is, even more wrong than I originally suspected when I picked up a book about Ashlee Simpson.

Wait, what?? "Rough Streets"? "Country Grammar"?? So I turned the next page, which is where I saw this:

Cornell Haynes? That's not Ashlee Simpson's name. "When he was 15"!?!?! Ashlee isn't a "he!" Or is she/he?

Nope. GUYS. The book isn't about Ashlee Simpson. It's about Nelly! Things just got SO much better!!!!!! Here's a little sneak peak of the rest of the book:

I almost want to slow clap for the publisher for inadvertently creating such a masterpiece.  At what point did they go, "oh crap - we mixed up the covers? Oh well, let's ship them to libraries and book stores anyway!"?

I paid about a dollar for it, and suffice it to say it's one of the best dollars I've ever spent. I asked the cashier about it and he said he had no idea how it ended up in their inventory. He'd never even seen it before.

It's such a treasure I almost feel I have to throw it off a bridge and allow fate to bring it to the next person who needs this in their life.

On Ryan Lochte

I keep forgetting to watch the Olympics. Though I've seen a minute here or there, I haven't seen any whole events. I think I've seen the swimmers do one lap of a race, and I saw one gymnast do something awesome.  So... yeah. Maybe I'm more of a winter Olympics person.

I'm not trying to avoid the Olympics, I just can't get myself pumped about it. I have been hearing the results though, and of course, I've been hearing a lot about the swimmers. Specifically the hot ones. 

Which brings me to Ryan Lochte. Not that he's the hottest of them all. I mean, have you seen Nathan Adrian? My friend texted me a picture of him last night with the message, "Nathan Adrian just won a gold and my heart." He's a nice looking fellow.

But I digress. Ryan Lochte.  I've been hearing some interesting quotes about his dating life today which I thought I'd share with you here:

His mother, talking about Ryan's dating life:

"He goes out on one-night stands," Ike said during an interview. "He's not able to give fully to a relationship because he's always on the go."

Ryan, on meeting a girl at a party:

"Make eye contact. I'll give a wink and come back later because it keeps her thinking."

I'm not going to comment on either of those quotes.

If you were in the Olympics, what would it be in?

I think I'd have a chance at medaling in:

Dr. Mario

Basic hula hooping (no tricks)

Brady Bunch referencing

and maybe being single (I'm actually hoping to lose the gold on this one but so far I'm still in the lead)

None of those, however, would give me Ryan Lochte's confidence. I don't know though. Maybe that's not such a bad thing.

Update: Ryan Lochte clarifies his mom's comments about his supposed one night stands. (link)  

As Inigo Montoya would say, "I do not think it means what you think it means."

Wednesday Thoughts

While on my vacation last week, the back light burned out on my iphone. Because of that, I had to use a flashlight to see the screen, which was awesome, as you can imagine. Classy. So on my way home from "up north" (as we call it here), I stopped at the at&t store to get a new phone. Nearly two hours later I left the store, exhausted but relieved.

Here's where I went wrong:

Clerk: What kind of phone do you want? Another iPhone?
Me: Yes.
Clerk: Can I show you something else?
Me: Sure. <--- That's where I went wrong.

After the clerk showed me two different androids:

Me: So is one of these better than the other?
Clerk: Well, they're just different. One's a Sith, and one's a Jedi.
Me: Um....
Clerk: It's from Star Wars.
Me: I get that but what's the difference between the two?
Clerk: Never mind.

After I almost agreed to getting an android:

Clerk: You've come to the dark side.
Me: Is that a good thing? What happens to those who go to the dark side?
Clerk: I mean, they die in the end. But, um.... not in this analogy. <--- That's where he went wrong.

In the end I left with a new iPhone, which is what I wanted in the first place. I have nothing against androids, but I like my iPhone and I'm a creature of habit. I've been messing with Siri a little bit, though I don't find her nearly as helpful as the lonely celebrities in the commercials seem to. After I asked her for some local places that serve tomato soup, I moved on to more difficult questions. Here are those questions along with her responses:

For the record, I do believe that God exists, but I wanted to see what Siri would say. What other questions should I ask "her"?

Happy Wednesday.