Monday, August 27, 2012

Just Friends

Sometimes I meet a guy who I click with really well and have a lot of fun with. But for whatever reason, I just don't want to date him. There's a guy in my life like this right now. It's probably not you, if you're a guy and you're reading this. I'm pretty sure he doesn't read this blog. If you're wondering if it's you, feel free to ask, I'll be honest with you.

ANYway. This guy is great. He's cute and he's so funny and interesting. I have a great time hanging out with him. But I don't want to date him. As far as I can tell, he doesn't want to date me either, since he's never asked me out. But still, when you're single you can never just assume that you know what the other person is thinking or that they know what you are thinking. It's not sustainable, emotionally.

I've been trying to figure out how to broach the subject with him just to make sure we're on the same page.

This is a rough draft of what I've come up with so far,

"Dear Friend, 

You're so great. I'm glad we're friends. I love hanging out with you. Do you want to be my non-boyfriend best friend guy friend just-friend? Like, it's nothing against you. I mean, you're very attractive, but we just don't have sparks, plus I don't like that one thing about you, no offense, it's just sort of a deal breaker, but NOT for just-friends. Just-friends are way more forgiving than girlfriends! We can hang out and try new restaurants together and goof on people, and go to museums and concerts and watch movies and laugh and maybe even go on a road trip.  

Sometimes we'll flirt with each other - no big deal. But we'll both know we're just friends for always. Unless things change and we decide we "like" each other because let's be real, that could happen. I mean, we're both great people who enjoy each other's company. But for now I'm not seeing that as a possibility at all. Are you? Don't answer that. I just want to be friends. Like, best friends who do stuff together all the time and have each other's backs until one of us starts dating someone and the other one grows resentful and our friendship becomes a painful memory for the one who's still single. 

That's kind of what I was envisioning for our relationship. Check yes if you agree.

Love (as a friend),

What do you guys think? That's playing it pretty cool, right? Maybe it's not long enough?


Katherine said...

That's DEFinitely playing it cool... ;) I actually do have a guy friend who's a just-friend, and we talked about it once (the fact that we didn't want to be more than just-friends and no-offense-you're-great-I-just-don't-feel-that-way-about-you, etc.). It's nice to be able to hang out and feel no pressure! But it took us quite a while to get to that point. That letter is pretty amazing, though, so it could work!! ;)

Bingyu said...

hahahaha, i like that! wish i had someone like that too!

D said...

I'm not sure why the issue needs to be broached if he's never asked you out. Sounds like you've got a great thing going and you are both happy with it as it is. Yay for good friends!

D said...

And the letter made me smile. :)

Elizabeth Downie said...

Don't worry, the letter is just a joke. I would never do such a crazy thing.

But you really can't just assume you're both on the same page. I mean, I do assume that all the time. But you always wonder. And sometimes awkwardness happens.

But yeah, in all honesty, I have NO intention of broaching the subject with this guy!

Polly Anna said...

bhahahah! It sounds like something from a romantic comedy. You will for sure end up together based on every movie I've ever seen.

lizzie mc.- said...

Be friends. Yup. Great place to start. I didn't have sparks w/ Andy. But he feels like coming home. For me time and experience were all I needed to give him a fair shot despite my feelings (aka lack of sparks)

If he's interested no letter will EVER work. But wouldn't you love if it did. Men think women are so complex they read between the lines of things that are black and white. Being single is sure a roller coaster.

Ben said...

hahaha! Sounds like you either:
A) Watch a lot of chick flicks.
B) Read a lot of Chick Lit. OR...
C) "A" and "C"

I'm sure you will find someone you despise some day, and through a series of amusing events you will end up falling madly in love with each other. Your relationship will officially start with an emotionally charged discussion about why the relationship can't work (while standing in the rain or at his own wedding...or both) and at some point during all the excitement you will learn how to shoot a gun, see your love interest's six pack abs and someone will be injured in a very humorous way.

Hmmm.... looks like I'm the one who's seen too many chick flicks with Isabel. :-/

Elizabeth Downie said...

Hahaha, Ben! That is a perfect summary of the last ten chick flicks I've seen!

But to be honest, this joke letter was based on REAL events I have experienced!

I don't watch too many chick flicks since they make my heart and soul hurt.

Savd said...

This is the perfect blend of your humor and wit in a hilarious fake "let's just make sure all my bases are covered" letter!! Love it!!

rebecca @ older and wisor said...

I will give you $5 if you send this letter.

brenda hatch said...

I think being just friends is the DUMBEST thing! When you're married, are you still going to be friends with him? Don't waste your time! Either date him or move on! My subtle opinion :)

You can't just be friends anyway. You'll always think in the back of your head more than just friend things.

Just kiss him out of the blue! It's all in the eye contact ;)

Liz said...

Is it me? Oh wait, I'm a girl. Never mind.
My only critique is that your letters a bit long. All guys have ADHD so I don't know if he'd read all that.