Tuesday, November 15, 2011


Nickelback: Rated Teen
You know what's just like the seriously most UNFAIR thing to ever happen to Detroit in like the history of time!?!?!? I'll give you a hint:

What do you get when you put too much change in the vending machine?

Yep, you got it: Nickelback is playing the Lions game halftime show on Thanksgiving Day.

The outrage over Nickelback playing the halftime show is a real source of amusement for me. The petition to get them replaced has over 50,000 signatures! I feel kind of bad for Nickelback. (I'd feel worse if they weren't millionaires.) I'm not sure exactly what people are mad about, though I'm assuming it's the way that guy sings with that super gravely, rocker voice. Personally, I'm indifferent.

The big complaint, besides that goofy voice, is that they don't represent Detroit (and that there's no "mute" button when you're actually at the game). So who does represent Detroit? Here are some other musicians from Michigan. Who do you think would be best?

Kid Rock: Kid Rock can basically do no wrong here. But how many times can one hear "Bawitdaba"? The answer: an infinite number. I'll never tire of it, personally.

Eminem: Too angry for Thanksgiving.

Insane Clown Posse: Just kidding.

The White Stripes: Wait... did they break up? And did anyone ever find out if they were married or brother and sister?

Madonna: Nope. She's British now.

Sufjan Stevens: Hmm. Love him, but he's not exactly for the football crowd.

Alice Cooper: I don't want to see scary make up or a boa constrictor when I'm trying to digest my turkey and mashed potatoes.

Ted Nugent: He's too busy releasing wild boar into the suburbs. (This is an inside joke for Michiganders.)

Iggy Pop: Once again, not while I'm eating.

And lastly, three of the most loved and most used Michigan artists: Stevie Wonder, Bob Seger, and Aretha Franklin. Personally I'd love to see Stevie Wonder perform. I'd definitely put down my second plate of Thanksgiving dinner to sing along with Superstition. Instead, I'll be straining my voice trying to do my best Nickelback rocker-voice impersonation. (Either way it will be awesome.)

But let's be honest, no matter who plays the halftime show, there's one thing we in Michigan have to be thankful for: the Lions don't suck this year. So maybe we should all just calm down a little bit.


Katherine said...

HA! This post is awesome. AWESOME! (Sorry, at the mention of Kid Rock and Alice Cooper I just wanted to shout something...) I would LOVE to chill with Stevie Wonder after a Thanksgiving meal! I vote for him!!! And I agree with your assessment of the other Michigan singers. Not quite a right fit...

violet50 said...

Funny post!! Yeah, my vote is for Stevie! And your singing is always awesome.

Brady said...

I personally think that Sufjan Stevens would make a great half time show...

Maxabillion J said...

I approve of this blergh post! I do feel a bit bad not only for Detroit, but for 'merica. Because all of 'merica watches the Lions Thanksgiving game, it's not right that 'merica should be subjected to Nickelback.
This is one vote for Bob Seger.

Melissa C said...

America should not be subjected to Nickelback on thanksgiving.

I vote for Kid Rock.

Eminiem has some pretty good music to get you "up" for a sporting event, but I agree, it might be a bit much for Thanksgiving. I would have killed to have either of those two at the Detroit Marathon. That would have been super cool

Heather said...

I love this post. You always seem to say what everyone else (ok, me) wishes they could say but can't pieece the thought blerps together enough to get it out.

I totally vote for Robbie Ritchie(we're bff's, so he lets me call him that). The man has so much michigan pride, how can anyone hate on that?!

Liz said...

In response to your White Stripes question; Both. They are brother and sister and they are married. Or at least that's what I like to think.