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Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Wednesday Thoughts

This should have been me
tonight.
I'm living in fear of assembling my mini trampoline. I bought it yesterday in an effort to add variety to my work out routine but as soon as I looked at the box and realized the box wasn't trampoline shaped, I knew I was in trouble. The words "assembly required" make my heart hurt.

When I got home from the store I dumped out the contents of the box, decided for myself which parts were necessary and which weren't, then opened up the instructions. This warning was written multiple times in the instructions:

"ALWAYS USE TWO OR MORE STRONG PEOPLE TO UNFOLD OR FOLD THE CIRCUIT TRAINER TRAMPOLINE. FAILURE TO USE TWO OR MORE STRONG PEOPLE MAY ALLOW THE RAILS TO SPRING BACK WHICH CAN CAUSE INJURY OR DEATH."

I don't know what the rails are, so I have no idea what to avoid. Also, I'm only one person - not "two or more strong" people. Oh, and may I add that the instructions have a picture of two men assembling it? So not only are the instructions anti-weak people, but they're also sexist.

In an attempt to stick it to the man, I started assembling it by myself: just me, a kind of strong single woman. Thought I'd show them, you know? Well, I started out strong, unfolding the trampoline and snapping it into place (no small feat, trust me),  but didn't make it past the stage of putting the protective wrap around the edges (which was step two out of about ten steps):

That doesn't look right...

At that point I gave up. For now. Not because I'm weak, and certainly not because I'm a woman, but because the instructions scared me and I'm too young to die. And it'd be really lame if I died folded up in a mini trampoline.

Anyone want to come over and put it together for me? I'll let you have the first bounce! (But not the second.)

Happy Wednesday.

PS - There's still a couple more days to enter the FHE book giveaway! Remember: if you re-post the giveaway to Facebook or Twitter you get an extra entry! But you have to leave a second comment to let me know (each comment = one entry).

11 comments:

lizzie mc.- said...

I felt that way recently. My garage door was crooked, so I loosed the screws on the side to let it hand level. Of course I was sudden reminded that the screws hold the spring wound tight... wwwwiiiiiirrrrr. I can't open such a heavy door w/o it. Being an incredibly capable woman I researched online how to tighten it, anyone can do it IF they follow the instructions perfect, understand the jargon and all the expensive tools necessary. IF, however they don't memorize and comply with each step to perfect DEATH! And since I'm too young and to feminine to die, I'm saving up for someone to fix it for me. Thus putting their short, strong masculine lives in the line of fire.

violet50 said...

Which parts were necessary and which ones weren't?? I'm glad you don't make chocolate chip cookies that way: "Hmmm I don't have eggs or flour. I wonder if that will make a big difference?" The image of you wrapped up in the mini tramp is comical! Good luck! Because you know that I am neither a man nor strong!

Katherine said...

I think you should draw a picture of you wrapped up in the trampoline... alive, of course! I really like the picture of what you've accomplished so far, though! You ALMOST had it!! :) I have faith that you can find someone to put it together for you!!! ;)

Heather said...

I think that protective out thingy may be overrated. Who needs protection when you have already done the work of TWO strong men??

(I have fond memories of one and halfs into the front yard as a result of the year my idiot parents bought me a mini tramp for Christmas.)

movingluggage said...

Yeah, I've thought about praying for telekinesis as my superpower and become a professional IKEA furniture assembler, because I don't want to use my hands.

Savd said...

You need to put a warning or rating system at the beginning of your posts so that unsuspecting readers (myself) don't read them and start giggling uncontrollably in the middle of staff meetings at work!! :) Hilarious!! :)

Melissa C said...

You totally need to make a sketch of yourself folded up in there! My parents have a super old one in their garage that you probably could have except it is in Ohio....Ryan was just asking about why they had it anymore- they can only fit 1 car in their 2.5 car garage and can stand to thrift some stuff.
Good luck. Please don't die!

AB said...

I know what would be running through my mind if Adam wasn't available. "Dare I take out an add on Craigslist for help?" "Should I go get some day laborors?" "Do I need to give them a paid hour lunch?" "I'm going to take this back to the store, dangit I took it out of the box. I'm going to sell it on Craigslist"

Mark said...

I think you need to look at the label on the box again, specifically the product title. Are you sure it doesn't say "Animal Friendly Bear Trap"?

Elizabeth Downie said...

A drawing of me folded up inside the trampoline is coming soon! :)

Liz said...

But that would be one awesome death story. It would definitely make it in the newspaper.