Thursday, September 25, 2008

Mickey Mouse for President, 2008

Having a hard time deciding who to vote for this election? One group believes that the best thing fed up voters can do is to write in Mickey Mouse's name on the ballet. I heard recently that Mickey Mouse gets the most write in votes in every presidential election. Really? Mickey Mouse? He's ok I guess, but you know that if he's elected, it actually means that the Disney corporation is running the country and that scares me more that that other guy winning. (Most of you know which candidate I'm supporting, but I don't want to offend anyone so I'll keep it vague.)

So who should you write in? Well, that's your decision, but don't waste your vote on Mickey Mouse. If you're going to waste it, at least vote for a cartoon character who has the leadership qualities this country needs. Let's discuss a few of our options:

Lisa Simpson: A good choice, but too young, and I'm thinking too liberal to appeal to moderates.

Pros: Smart, passionate, hard working.

Cons: Know-it-all, young, wears too many strapless dresses which some won't approve of. Plus, if she won, I think that would mean Fox was running the country.

Wile E. Coyote: Let's be honest, he's a horrible choice. If we're looking for someone to catch Bid Laden, W. Coyote is not the guy. How many times have we seen him try to catch that roadrunner? And every time, he ends up running off the edge of a cliff or blowing himself up. Next!

Pros: Never gives up

Cons: Probably should give up. Why is he always trying to get that roadrunner anyway? Does anyone even remember anymore!?

Donald Duck: Seems like a nice enough guy, but who can understand him? Also, I just read that he was in some controversial propaganda films in WWII. You know that will come up in the campaign! Controversy!

Pros: Cute, patriotic

Cons: Speaks with a very heavy duck accent, making it hard to understand him. Has a bad temper! Doesn't wear pants. Yikes.

Papa Smurf: Papa Smurf seems like a great candidate although some might say his size is a problem.

Pros: Obvious leadership qualities, loves America (as evidenced in the picture at the left), after fighting Gargamel for so many years, is probably a good war strategist.

Cons: Only three apples tall. Also, doesn't wear a shirt. And one more thing, can you imagine the speeches he'd give? "Fellow Smurfians, I am very smurfed to be here today! This country was smurfed on hard work and smurfatism..." The use of the word smurf to replace certain verbs and nouns is gonna get old (and confusing) fast.

I hope I didn't offend anyone with my analysis of these candidates. (I mean, cartoon characters.) Did I leave anyone out? Let me know if there are any other candidates to consider or if I left out any important facts about the ones listed. I'll see you at the polls November 4th!


emily said...

I think a mix between Lisa Simpson and Papa Smurf would be our best bet. Actually, they should be running mates. They would be unstoppable. Lisa as President and Papa Smurf as VP.

opticwalrus said...

Cartoon Choice: Strong Bad - He's had leadership experience as the ruler of Strong Badia, he's a public relations genius and tech-savvy, and he's definitely a maverick (that seems to be the hot word this campaign).

Non-cartoon choice: LeVar Burton
I've always thought he would make a good president because he would promote education and literacy (Reading Rainbow), human rights issues (Roots), and scientific exploration and discovery (Star Trek - Think how few candidates have been able to tap into that huge Trekkie constituency).

Katherine said...

I think a great option that you've left out is Sandy Cheeks. If she can figure out how to be a mammal living on the bottom of the ocean, I think there are a lot of problems that she can figure out. We need new ideas, and who better to bring them to us than a karate-chopping squirrel with a silly name?

I also agree with Brian on both of his candidate picks. Strong Bad has military experience, can type with boxing gloves on his hands, and looks like a pro wrestler...who wouldn't want to vote for him?

And LeVar Burton? Well, you don't have to take MY word for it.

Katherine said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Elizabeth Downie said...

These are great suggestions! What about Sponge Bob? He's incompetent, but optimistic.

LaVar Burton is a great candidate! Shall we start a campaign to write him in? (kidding!)

The Spin-ster said...

This may be the funniest political blog I have read yet. I will probably have to create a link to it from my blog. Now you know you've made the big time... :)

Did you even consider He-Man or She-ra? I the power of grayskull? Just what we might need to win this war. A true military might.

Megan said...

Gotta say, Mickey would spark some pretty serious controversy, seeing as how he started as a black-faced minstrel. I mean, seriously, it doesn't get much more un pc than that. If you don't believe me, check out the early toons sometime. Ah, Disney.