Thursday, December 19, 2013

2014: Predictions

1. A new food will be marketed: potato chips dipped in chocolate and wrapped in bacon then dipped in maple syrup.

Prediction 1.5: I will buy it.

2. Miley Cyrus will just be naked all the time.

3. I will buy a  new down comforter (this is more of a to-do item than a prediction but if I don't write it down, I'll forget).

4. J. K. Rowling will announce a new Harry Potter book. She had promised she would never do it, but the fan pressure was just too much for her. They (we) were so relentless, she caved. She is now our literary slave. We demand more Harry Potter and we won't back down until we get more, more, MORE!

5. At least one of the Duck Dynasty guys will go into politics.

6. The Olympics will preempt all my favorite tv shows.

7. US Olympic fans will be shocked to see the new US bobsled team: Michael Phelps, Ryan Lochte, the gymnast girl with the smirk, and Apolo Anton Ohno. They will win the event even though Ryan Lochte will fall out of the sled during the race. Putin will not be pleased.

8. The Royal Baby's name will officially be changed to "The Royal Baby."

9. Robin Thicke will release a new song at the start of summer called "Really blurred lines." The song will actually be about the time a migraine caused him to lose some of his vision. But somehow it will still be incredibly raunchy (and a real toe tapper).

10. Instagram will create a new photo filter called "x-ray" which will actually help in diagnosing health problems such as tumors, swallowed forks, and ghostly possessions. This filter will become even more popular than Nashville or Walden. (It will not be covered under Obamacare.)

What are some of your predictions for 2014?


Ashley said...

Haha, you're brilliant! Love these predictions.

Katherine said...

Hee hee!!!! Best predictions ever! (Except I reeeeallllly hope #2 doesn't come true.) And I love the doge pic. Such predictions!!! I absolutely LOVE your bobsled team!! They would totally win, and Lochte would TOTALLY fall out. I just keep reading these over and over and want to comment on them all but suffice it to say, you should really start writing horoscopes. Please. They would be the best.

Melanie said...

Remember your fortune cookies? I think you should do those again!

I think that Rebecca Black will follow up her recent recording of "Saturday" with Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday, just so we can have an annoying song for every day of the week.

Also, New York will just do away with vending machines all together. No pop. No candy. No chips. Healthy living for all.

Pluto will be reinstated as a planet.

Marti said...

Just...Brillant, Elizabeth! I agree with K., hope no. 2 doesn't come true.

violet50 said...

6 and 10 are guaranteed to happen. And the visual for 6 is so funny. I predict that we will be totally sick of winter by January 15th; that we'll be totally sick of the heat by August 15th; that we'll love the cooler breezes of autumn; and that we'll start seeing Christmas decorations before Halloween. Oh, wait, that was this year.

violet50 said...

p.s. I meant that 7 is funny.