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Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Wednesday Thoughts

Ugh. Election season is upon us. I mean, it has been pretty much since Obama was inaugurated, but now it's in our faces even more. Yesterday was the presidential primary in Michigan, and Facebook makes it impossible not to know where your friends stand on the candidates. Since I'm a member of the Orange party*, and didn't vote yesterday, I thought I'd be free from judgment and/or irritation, but I wasn't.

And the election is still 8 months away, which means 8 more months of debates, hurt feelings, threats to move to Canada, crying, binge eating, slamming doors, bad hair cuts, robocalls, burnt cookies, and so on. 8 more months of that stuff.

So to help us all get through it, I thought I'd come with:

Elizabeth's Guide to Surviving Election Season

1. Delete your Facebook account and go back to Myspace. Or better yet, Friendster. No wait, better yet still: snail mail. (Oh! Chain letters! Remember how much fun those were?)

2. If you can't bring yourself to delete your Facebook account, "hide" everyone with obnoxious political opinions. But just to mix it up, "unhide" Farmville requests.

3. Change your profile picture to something like this:


It's sort of a catch-all. No one is really sure who you're voting for. Or if you're in your right mind at all! Win/win!

4. When a friend asks you your political feelings, start playing the "repeat game" that five year olds have mastered. It'll go something like this:

Person A: "So, what do you think of Ron Paul?"
You: "So, what do you think of Ron Paul?"
A: "That's what I said."
You: "That's what I said."
A: "What are you doing?"

You: "What are you doing?"
A: "Oh, I get it, you're repeating me!"
You: "Oh, I get it, you're repeating me!"
A: "I'm an idiot."
You: "You're an idiot."

Nailed it.

5. No matter which candidate people are talking about, say, "If he wins I'm moving to Canada." Do some research on Canada. Find out that's where Avril Lavigne is from. Change mind.

6. On election day, go to the polls and write in "Mickey Mouse." For the next four years, say, "don't blame me, I voted for Mickey Mouse." Be that guy.

With these tips you and I can make it through 2012 stronger than ever. Until December anyway, because that's when the world will end.

Happy Wednesday!

Oh! And happy Leap Day!

*the Orange party is a party that I just made up. It focuses on eating creamcicles, Cheetos, and cheddar cheese, raising Clown Fish, drinking Fanta, and repeating our motto, "Orange is the new black."

13 comments:

Emily said...

I'm not going to say that moving 8,000 miles away was motivated almost entirely by the current political situation in America, but it certainly didn't help.

Heather said...

I know I say this a lot but, best post ever. Seriously. I have almost unfriended a few people. I really am thinking about canada. I mean, I already have the lingo and accent down pat, I love bacon and tim hortons, I know the first 2 words in the anthem...I am there. Although I find hockey very boring..so....I might stay. I think michigan should break off and become its own country. All the best things are here anyway. I vote tim allen for president of michlandia.

Kristin McElderry said...

so funny elizabeth. makes me laugh.

violet50 said...

I like this post! Politics can be so vitriolic that it's fun to see some humorous thoughts about it. I vote for Tim Allen, too, for President of Michlandia. And he could fix all of our home appliances!

Julie- The Great Lakes Girl said...

Love it!

NOURNME said...

It would be ignorant to not love your blog

Katherine said...

HA! Queen Elizabeth. So good. I think I'd like to join the Orange Party - I need more creamcicles in my life!!! This is some great advice, most of which I'm going to follow. I'll keep you guessing as to which, but it's gonna be good.

elliespen said...

Oh, man. That "Vote 2012" picture hit me just right. I think I may actually put it on Facebook. Loved this entire post.

Pistol Pete said...

Elizabeth,

I think this is probably the first blog comment I have ever made. Please don't tell my wife! I'll join your Orange party if you add in there that our official holiday is Queen's Day (Dutch holiday for the queen). Look it up on Google. It is the most orange you will ever see!

Great post... I may try some of your suggestions!

Savd said...

I, too, want to join your orange party! Let's make our own holidays! Please! :)

Not sure how you do it, but this post was absolutely the best remedy for all the political craziness out there right now. Thank you for making me laugh out loud not once, not twice, but four different hearty times!! :)

Unknown said...

It seems to me, no matter how we vote. We will still end up with a Mickey Mouse, but one wearing a two thousand dollar suit. GO ORANGE!

D said...

I can fully support the orange party!

Liz said...

Nailed it!!
To be fair Canada also has Celine Dion and The show Degrassi High. So that could be seen as a win.