Monday, March 11, 2013

Tweet Tweet

I was thinking that, I don't know... maybe you guys would like to hear some funny tweets today? None of them are by me because I'm more "tripped over a rock" funny and less "actually funny." Here are some tweets that have made me literally laugh out loud (as the kids say) lately.

"Don't think I didn't see what you did at church social. I saw everything" - @ecareyo

"To keep alertness at record highs, leave half your time pieces unchanged." - @UncleDynamite

"Facebook, I'm not gonna lie to you: I will NEVER send ANYONE 'The Ultimate Birthday Cookie'." - @dwaghalter

"Whenever you scroll down to the comments section of an article, your computer should immediately shut down until you regain your senses." - @Dschnoeb

"You go, gurt!" - @oldmanweldon

"100% of my time on Facebook is me saying, 'look at this idiot' to my cat Gloria." - @GreenishDuck

"If you want to be respected, be respectful. If you want to be feared, go in the grocery store barefoot" - @bridger_winegar

"Tonight I got to pet a dog. So yeah I guess I'm doing PRETTY OKAY" - @nedroid

"I might not be rich but I'm poor." - @bridger_winegar

"Maybe a moth was eating Gilbert Grape. Ate a bunch of my sweaters you never know." - @GreenishDuck

"Simba, my son. One day you will click here to learn the one weird weight-loss trick Doctors hate." - @trevso_electric

"Rand Paul is JV compared to my wife. She filibustered me for three years straight once." - @andrewhibbard

"Ladies Eyebrows Ask for Six Month Cease-Pluck." - @UncleDynamite


karajean said...

I love a good Filibuster joke.

Katherine said...

Hee hee!!! So many good ones!

violet50 said...

Great tweets! I love the filibuster one the best,too.

Brian said...

I loved this recent tweet from @joshmalina:

“Sudio.” — Phil Collins, after speech therapy.

(Inspired by the Tracy Jordan quote on your sidebar)

P.S. - I wouldn't be offended if you followed @briandtanner :)