Tonight's the night: the first official presidential debate. ARE YOU ON THE EDGE OF YOUR SEATS!? Me neither!
I picture it being a lot of:
My opponent claims...
If my opponent truly understood....
I never said that...
I have already shown you my birth certificate...
Blah, blah, blah...
Don't get me wrong, I'll probably watch it. Or at least, as much of it as I can stomach. If you are like me, and need some distractions while watching it, I am now providing you with a different kind of debate. A presidential debate between two adorable dogs, who take the issues very seriously: Corgi and Collie.
How do you feel about restrictions on fire hydrants for urination purposes? Some are saying it should be outlawed.
Collie: What's next? Not allowing squirrels to urinate in trees? Not allowing fish to urinate in the ocean? I am strongly against this. **cough** Except for when I voted for it as governor.**cough**
Corgi: Animals have been relieving themselves in their natural habititats for far too long. I am proposing a potty-training bill, which is an 18 step program, and will span from the day I'm elected until 2080. And no, I will not raise taxes for this. The money will come from... something else... I'll tell you more about that after I'm elected.
One of the hot topics this election is health care equality for cats. What is your position on this?
Corgi: Health insurance shouldn't have to pay for litter boxes or litter for cats. I have the utmost respect for cats - I myself own a Calico (and by own I mean she works for me) - and she agrees with me on this topic. I hope the American cats will think about who has their best interests in November.
Collie: I believe health care should cover the cost of litter boxes and litter, but not the cost of spaying and neutering. That should be between cats and their religious leaders.
How will you handle the military commitments America is involved with right now?
Collie: We have to cut spending on the military and funnel that money into more important causes, such as animal sanctuaries, animal pounds, and Sarah McLachlan (just in general). Money is also needed for dog training courses, our rivers and lakes which suffer from illegal immigration from the Gulf of Mexico, and cat repellent spray development. 'Cause this stuff we have now just doesn't work. And that is unacceptable. Not on my watch.
Corgi: We absolutely can't back down on our current battles against mailmen, hoses, and loud noises. If a balloon pops or thunder rolls, our military will be there. If a garbage truck rumbles down the street, we will stop it before it scares any more of our citizens. We can no longer live in fear of loud noises, getting sprayed by hoses, or humans in uniforms stepping on our property.
If you have any more questions for Collie and Corgi, let me know. They may debate again.
God bless you and may God bless the United States of America.
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