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Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Wednesday Thoughts


I have never been so mad at the Farmers' Almanac in all my life. Did you hear what they're saying about winter this year? Check out the slightly altered picture above for more information. See the circled area where I live? "Bitterly cold and dry," it says. And what's that guy smiling about!? It's almost like he likes giving the bad news. I had no idea the Farmers' Almanac people were so sadistic. The article that goes along with the picture is even more evil, with quotes like:

Managing Editor Sandi Duncan says it's going to be an "ice cold sandwich. We feel the middle part of the country's really going to be cold — very, very cold, very, very frigid, with a lot of snow."

I don't like how often she used the word "very." Plus, "ice cold sandwich" is just a weird thing to say. And very unappetizing, I might add. Who would want to eat an ice cold sandwich? It's just sick.

There is good news though, and that is that the National Weather Service disagrees with the Farmers' Almanac. They predict a mild winter due to El Niño. I thought El Niño was a temporary weather fluke from the nineties, but apparently he's still around playing scapegoat whenever the NWS needs something to blame strange weather patterns on. Not that I mind if it means warmer weather, don't get me wrong.

On top of all that good news, all I keep hearing about is the 100% guarantee the CDC is giving me that I will indeed get the H1N1 virus this winter. It's also fairly likely I'll die of it, according to several articles I've read on the subject.

Bummed out yet? Not to worry, I'm sure there are things we can look forward to this winter. Like the return of the Snuggie/Slanket/Toasty Wrap! And of course LOST. Plus, I'm sure I'll become very good friends with the other patients in the hospital who also have H1N1. And let's see, what else...ice cold sandwiches for everyone! See, it won't be too bad.

11 comments:

Jess said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jess said...

This is grave news indeed. I kept telling myself this unusually cold summer weather will be recompensed with a warm, milder winter. My hopes have been dashed. I think I will go buy a few snuggies.

Melanie said...

Included in yesterday's staff meetings was a half hour on the swine flu. The school hired an extra nurse specializing in H1N1. And, we all will be vaccinated. The teachers were also encouraged to have a random 5 day unit plan for any subsitutes if they get sick with it and 5 week packets for kids to take home if they get sick. Oh don't worry you're only sick as a dog for two days even if you carry the virus for 5-7..

Christi said...

I always thought El Nino was a girl...

Elizabeth Downie said...

That would be La Niña, Christi. ;)

Katherine said...

I figured that I would be safer from getting N1H1 away from being a teacher, but now I'm not so sure. Some of my classmates may infect me! Ooooh, if they do...! They're gettin' it right back. The "no tag-backs" rule does NOT apply in this situation.

Why am I craving an ice cold boar sandwich now? With a side of Smoke Monster?

David and Linda said...

I've never trusted farmers and the CDC didn't get it right last spring, so why should I worry unduly now? But if I do end up in the hospital, would you bring me my slanket and a warm grilled cheese sandwich?

Lady Baillio said...

Like a hot pocket. My comment for the first part of your post. I don't have time to read the rest yet.

Chris Willie said...

Mike Doughty suggested we all make the disease a little more whimsical by approximating a phonetic pronunciation of how the term "H1N1" looks, and calling it "the hiney flu." I am totally behind this idea.

Sarah said...

Ah, the H1N1...did the Farmer's Almanac predict this? Nope, so, how reliable can they really be? I mean, pigs are from farms, and this is the FARMER'S almanac...come on, they totally lost credibility on this one! :)

Oh, and from now on, I'm going to refer to the H1N1 as "the snorts"...try not to smile while you say it... :)

Liz said...

I personally love ice cold sandwiches, and ice cold tacos. As long as they're made with ice cream and chocolate.