Friday, June 5, 2009

Are you the exception or the rule?

Uhhh ohhh....I'm watching "He's just not that into you" and I'm feeling myself getting more and more bitter as the movie goes on... I never wanted to see this movie. When it first came out, some of my friends talked about seeing it, but I said, "I'm already aware that the proverbial he just isn't that into the actual me. (haha) I don't need a movie to tell me that." But I heard it was actually really good so I rented it.

Ok, normally I don't consider myself bitter. (Maybe a little?) But watching a movie like this brings out my feelings of annoyance about dating and men in general. Here's a quote from the movie that pretty much sums it up:

"We are all programmed to believe that if a guy acts like a total jerk that means he likes you."

The movie portrays women as needy, delusional, obsessive, and totally stupid. And the men are jerks, narcissistic, selfish, liars, and manipulitive.

Obviously it's just a movie. And I happen to know that not all guys are jerks. I am friends with some very sweet, non jerky guys.

But this movie left a very bad taste in my mouth!! Did you guys see this movie? What do you think of it?

And yes, I know my new blog background looks exactly like a Trapper Keeper cover but it's amusing me during a movie I'm hating so I'm keeping it. For now.


Katherine said...

Having just finished watching this movie with you, I concur with your opinions completely. Who knew I felt as cynical as I do? Well, I certainly feel more cynical now, after having watched the movie, than I did before. Basically I plan on living a life as a spinster, and after that awful movie I am looking forward to it more and more. No offense, guys. Ok, maybe a little offense meant, but only to the jerkfaces. :)

Katherine said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Elizabeth Downie said...

I think I need to take a forget-me-know and forget that movie ever happened. Then I can go back to being optimistic. ;)

Angela said...

ok. so i liked the movie. and i saw it twice. in the theater. once by myself even. the thing is, when women are into guys, they generally DO become needy, delusional and ridiculous. and of course when we delude ourselves into liking a guy that isn't that into us - he's going to appear unto us as a jerk.
the point that i got from the movie is that at some point, we will all be the exception. when we decide to be honest with ourselves and not be the stereotypcal overanalytical women that we so easily become when we crush on a boy, it's easier.
i have always been so much like Gigi in the movie (which is one of my nicknames!). when i read the book (which was partially why i was into the movie), it opened my eyes to the bad patterns i'd continuously allowed myself to fall into. When I learned that no amount of time or delusion would MAKE a guy be INTO me, I became healthier about it. And i didn't hate him either, nor think he was a jerk simply because he wasn't that into me. I was grateful to accept the fact and not waste time, emotion and energy on him. Besides, why would I want to be with someone that I had to convince to BE into me? Anyway... yadda yadda yadda. :)

kara janelle said...

So, no I haven't seen the movie yet and you and katherine have almost convinced me to not - except maybe i will still. i think i agree with your friend angela though, more specifically that sometimes whoever is wasting time in a doomed relationship - a wake up call of honesty will be the best remedy. i have friends (a few of them actually) wasting their time in dead end relationships instead of actually leaving themselves available for the men who will be worth their time. i don't know if it makes me bitter - just realistic to the fact that you can't make something happen that isn't going to happen at least a little on its own.

Angela said...

kara - exactly. how can we expect to be led to the right person when we're wasting time with the wrong person and/or settling just for the sake of being with someone?!

Elizabeth Downie said...

I should say that I thought the movie had some valid points - such as what you're saying, Angela. I agree that too many girls waste too much time chasing a guy who totally isn't into them or is just wrong for them. I have been guilty of that in the past I'm sure and I see it with friends a lot.

But I thought the overall feeling of the movie was depressing. The whole "exception verses rule" idea was a downer. I felt like it was saying the "rule" is that you won't get what you want and you'll be alone, but if you're the "exception" you'll fall in love and be happy. I don't like those odds.

What do you think? I like your more optimistic viewpoint! :)

Angela said...

well another thing that perhaps the movie didn't convey as much as the book did... was that we are all amazing, foxy, beautiful women. when a guy ISN'T that into us, why do we fret about it? it's like awesome - let's move on to someone who IS worth my time, energy and heart.
i dunno... i think part of it is breaking free from the lies of "he's acting like a jerk because he likes you" and move on to why would i even WANT to BE with someone who acts like a jerk.
the point is. when we realize that we're hot, amazing women that deserve respect and real love and affection, we won't mind being the rule so much because the exception is so much better and worth waiting for.

D said...

He's acting like a jerk because he likes you only works until about 1st grade- you know when guys would hit you or pull your hair because they liked you but didn't have the communication skills to express or understand what they are feeling.

You can go back to being positive just remember to listen to your friends. :)

AMy said...

my cousin just changed her background to the same one...for a second i thought i clicked onto her blog twice...anyway i did want to see that movie but i guess i am having second thoughts.

Elizabeth Downie said...

Amy, I feel bad talking anyone out of it. I'm just coming at it from my own perspective but several of my friends really liked it!

Jess said...

I actually had no desire to see the movie (OK maybe a little desire) but this post has me intrigued. I want to know what these rules are and the exception, I don't think I have been the rule or the exception.

The Spin-ster said...

Great thread, and I'll chime in. I loved the movie. There, I said it.

Totally agree with everything Angela said, and I would add a couple other things:

1. I love how the point out the "stories" we tell to keep from being honest with our friends and encourage them to stay in unhealthy situations. "Oh, I totally knew a girl and her boyfriend came back 3 years after they broke up and begged her to come back--she just had to be patient." You know? STOP telling the stories. You can tell one for anything you want to sell. Truth is, if he's in to you, you'll know, if he's not you won't. Follow your heart and don't look pathetic.

2. I actually had the opposite thought after the movie--they tell you that if he's not in to you it won't work out, and yet almost every one of the relationships worked out in the end. Ironic.

BUT I think the point was still made--do the right thing, DON'T be the the pathetic woman and you got a much better shot at the guy. Or at least the right guy. AND I like how Jennifer Aniston left when Ben said he couldn't do it and how that whole storyline played out. Give and take--it will work in a healthy relationship.
And how do I get Ben to come do my dishes anyway? Hello.

So that's a book, but there's my thoughts. Be empowered--that's what I heard. :)