Friday, May 8, 2015

Violent Earth

Back in high school, we had an eclectic group of substitute teachers. Some were "normal" and some were anything but. One of them, who I'll call Mr. Mob, would try to convince us that he used to work for the goon squad. We all figured it was just an attempt to scare us into staying in line. And this wouldn't have worked except that he was actually a pretty cool guy. He was laid back, quirky, and the whole goon squad thing was probably a joke, but just in case it wasn't....

Anyway, one day I walked into my earth science class to see Mr. Mob writing on the chalkboard. In true substitute teacher fashion, the agenda for the day was to watch a video. If memory serves me, the video was called "Violent Earth" and was about earthquakes. Since Mr. Mob was no ordinary substitute teacher, he had illustrated the name of the video on the chalkboard in a colorful fashion:

It was at that moment that I learned something valuable: The earth could be violent. And class would be easy that day. And Mr. Mob wasn't that great of an artist. But mostly, the earth could be violent.

Fast forward to the present.

Last Saturday after the farmers market, my sister, Katherine, was helping me load up my car. On the grass by the curb, there was a trench where some pipe or wires had been laid and the soil hadn't been filled back in. After almost tripping in it, I warned Katherine to watch out.

About 7 seconds later, my foot got caught in the trench, and I fell to my knees:

Ok, at this point, here's what normally would have happened: I would have laughed at my clumsiness and stood up. But no. That happened to be when the violent earth struck and Michigan experienced a very rare phenomenon: an earthquake.

It was 12:22. Confused about what was happening, I hit the ground then I started rolling. I was out of control! I couldn't stop myself! I rolled right down into the street, where I lay, laughing hysterically at the ridiculousness of it all.

I was also a bit confused. Why couldn't I stop myself from falling? It was strange.

A little bit later, I started seeing updates on social media, "Did anyone feel that earthquake?" At first I thought I hadn't felt it but then it all started to add up! The timing of it was exactly right. I hit the ground, THE EARTH SHOOK, and I fell to my death. Or rather, I rolled over the curb.

Katherine, who witnessed the whole thing, said that it had nothing to do with the earthquake, but what would she know?

Here's the evidence: 

1. The timing - I tumbled into the road at the exact same time the earthquake hit (I think)

2. WHY would I fall so much if the earth wasn't being cray-cray?
3. That's all. I just felt like two points weren't enough. 

So, while everyone else was sharing memes like this...:

...I'm remembering laying in the gutter like a drunken Edgar Allen Poe that fateful day... the day the Violent Earth took me down.


Melanie said...

Glad you survived!
Does everyone know what the goon squad is? I had to google it.

violet50 said...

This is one of the funniest blogs you've ever written and I LOVE the pictures! You need to make money doing this or at least writing for someone.

Joyce and Bill said...

Absolutely the best thing you can do during an earthquake. Roll into the nearest gutter and laugh historically. ! No really!

Joyce and Bill said...

Or hysterically, your choice :). Equally good