Camera Roll

A couple weeks ago, I got a text from my sister, Katherine (who was in the next room over) telling me she had accidentally deleted all of our texts and was bummed. I told her there were some pictures it was very important she has on her phone so I'd send her the most important ones I had sent her in the past to make sure she still had access to them.

Here are some collages of some of the 100+ pictures I then sent her (I could hear her laughing in the other room as she received each one):

I also sent her one of my favorites:

I always assumed these lizards were posed toys and not real lizards. I mean, that's what any normal person would think, right? Then last night on Twitter, someone posted this one:

I sent it to Katherine and she said it was inappropriate. I told her the lizards were married, but she still didn't want to see their private time.

I started thinking, "what the heck is going on with these lizards? Are there more pictures of them?" so I googled them and guess what!? THEY'RE REAL. This guy named Henry Lizardlover (he legally changed his name to that) has tons of lizard and he has them pose for him for pictures. He claims they love it and he doesn't have to coerce them. Here's a link if you want to read more about him. I only read about 1/4 of it because it's pretty long and I have a life (I'm busy googling pictures of more lizards).

Here's a quote from that website:

UNFOLD YOUR LIZARD LOVE - Many people fear lizards or lack lizard love, but hearts moved are hearts improved.

So wise. 

I'm not sure I have lizard love. But I do know I love those pictures. And these ones:

 
And now you know. (And knowing is half the battle. - G.I. Joe)

Wednesday Thoughts

My car is in the shop today, which means I am at the mercy of the mechanic. I often wish that instead of majoring in English, I had gone into auto repair. I know nothing about cars - nothing. Which is shameful because my dad works for GM and my uncle teaches autobody. I just know that when my car is making a "bad" sound, I'm in trouble, financially.

So now I wait. I trust my mechanic, thankfully. Sidenote: he looks like one of the Duck Dynasty guys. I mean, exactly like one of them. In fact, he has a cardboard cut-out of this guy, and he told me that people talk to the cut-out thinking it's him sometimes:

Now I'm just anxiously waiting for the news about how much poorer I'll be by the end of the day.

In other news, guess what? I WON THE PEEP DIORAMA COMPETITION! I totally pandered. I went with a Frozen theme. I have no regrets. Here's my winning diorama:

This picture is awful.

I actually tied for first place. Here's the diorama I tied with. It's based on our favorite ice cream place in northern Michigan: House of Flavors:

My phone camera is having problems. In real life it wasn't blurry.

It was a lot of fun and I seriously can't believe I tied for first place. Three days later I'm still shocked.

Ok, lastly in Wednesday Thoughts I want to get to know you guys a little better. The radio station I listen to on the way to work does a segment called "Cross examination Wednesday" where all three DJs answer three questions about their personalities and preferences. So I wanted to do that here! But three isn't enough. Let's go with 10. I really sincerely want to read your answers so please take the time to share!

1. What is your favorite drink? Root beer
2. What's your favorite ice cream? Eskimo kisses from House of Flavors
3. What's your social security number? I'm kidding. Don't answer this.
4. Can you sleep with your foot/feet outside of the blankets or will a ghost grab them? A ghost will grab them. 100%.
5. What's your favorite thing about Michigan (whether you live here or not)? Summer, fall, the Great Lakes, the culture, and the people
6. What's the most embarrassing song on your ipod (or tape deck)? I'll give you three so you feel more comfortable sharing yours: What makes you beautiful by 1D, Be Prepared from the Lion King, Dr. Feelgood by Motley Crue
7. What's your current favorite tv comedy? The Mindy Project and The Goldbergs and the Middle (three way tie)
8. What's the scariest movie you've ever seen? The Changling, still. Scares me out of my mind no matter how many times I've seen it.
9. What's the best thing about spring? The hope of summer and those rare 70 degree days.
10. What's your middle name? Ann

Don't be shy! I want to read your answers and get to know you better! Plus, it'll take my mind off what's going on with my car....

Happy Wednesday! 

Mad Pooper

On Easter Sunday, while spending time with my family, I discovered something shocking: not everyone in my family had heard about the Ypsi pooper! That made me wonder if you guys have heard about it. And I'm assuming that since a lot of you live in other states, you haven't! I can't let this go on!

So here's the poop - I mean scoop: there's a pooper on the loose in Ypsilanti (a neighboring town) and it's big news. Well, maybe not big news, but funny news. To me. Not to the people dealing with the poo. But to the rest of us? Hilarious.

This winter, people living near a park in Ypsilanti (Ypsi), Michigan, noticed that someone was pooping on the park slides. They'd clean it off, and the pooper would return again to leave his (skid) mark.

(I was going to say his or her, but we all assume the pooper is a man, right? Correct me if I'm wrong.)

Here is an excerpt from an email that was sent to Ypsilanti police last month:

“We have a problem in Prospect Park with a miscreant that does not understand the difference between a children’s playground slide and a toilet. Apparently this extremely misguided individual feels the need to defecate on the slide despite the cold weather. This has been an ongoing problem at this location. Please make frequent checks in the area and record them on your daily log.”

 (Insert immature giggles here.)

A hidden camera installed to catch the "poopetrator" hasn't succeeded yet so someone put up this billboard on one of the most traveled stretches of highway in Ypsi:

This was on the actual news. The actual news.

Other slogans:

Doody.

Some people are upset about the billboard. Ypsi has a lot of problems with crime and many citizens feel like this isn't helping their reputation at all. The city manager is especially displeased and said that they were "closing in" on the pooper and that the billboard wasn't necessary (it has been taken down).

The #ypsipooper (the hashtag used to "flush" him out) has been called many names. I usually refer to him as the "mad pooper" from the Bob's Burgers episode in which Tina flushes out a public pooper. Here are some of the names I've seen him called in articles I've read, along with the name I like the best:

The weird thing to me, well, one of the weird things to me is that the pooper was going outside this winter. The coldest winter ever! I'm assuming they didn't have access to an indoor toilet? And why a slide? Does the incline of the slide help in the #2 process for them? I have so many questions! (Most of which I don't actually want answers to. Ever.)

I really hope none of you are eating right now.

Anyway, I feel like I have now done my blogging doody by informing you all about the Mad Pooper. If you have any information on him (or her?) please report it.

Doody.

I got a lot of problems with you people!

This is my second post in this series, and I must say, it's something I look forward to. But also feel a little guilty about. I mean, people don't like when other people complain, right? Well guess what? That's what this post is about!!!

I used to work with someone who never let anyone else complain. She was a true one-upper. If you were sick, she was dying. If you were tired, she never slept a day in her life. If you sprained your ankle, she lost her foot in an accident. Everything in her life was either way worse or way better than yours. (But usually way worse.)

In reality, she had a decent life. She just couldn't let you get away with stating an opinion or complaint without one-upping or one-downing you.

I try not to complain too much on this blog. Not because I don't complain in real life, but because there are some people who read this blog who won't allow me to complain. If I say it's hard being single, I'll get responses from married people telling me I should be grateful for my freedom. If I say I wish I had kids, I'll get responses from people with kids telling me how lucky I am that I can sleep when I want to.

Once, I got an email from someone telling me how lucky I am and how I shouldn't complain but how she, on the other hand, has a right to complain because her life is garbage (and went on in detail about this [and her life was only kind of garbage-y]).

That really ticks me off (pardon my French). Don't we all have a right to express our feelings sometimes? And by expressing our frustrations, we're not implying our lives are worse than others. There's always going to be people with problems bigger than yours. But that doesn't mean you're not having a hard time. Some people try to catch you in that trap when you complain:

Me:  My stomach hurts and I'm exhausted.
Other person: Well if it makes you feel any better, my car is making a funny sound and the check engine light is on.
Me: Surprisingly, that doesn't make me feel better. 

Or

Person A: I forgot my lunch today - all I have is this granola bar. 
Person B: There are starving people in other parts of the world who would love a granola bar if it makes you feel better.
Person A: Now I'm hungry and sad.

My life is mostly fine, but I have problems. And sometimes I want to express them!

Now, there are some complaints no one wants to hear. For example:

"I don't know how I'm going to spend all this money."
"Ryan Gosling won't stop texting me."
"I keep losing weight and I'm not even trying."
"I'm only going to be in the Hamptons for two months this summer."
"I have so much vacation time I'll never be able to use it all."
"So many people asked me to prom and I can't decide who to go with."

Of course, many people do cross the line of acceptable complaining. I used to read some blogs that were full of just too much complaining. And it was the kind of complaining that was begging for attention. Obviously that is not appealing to anyone. And of course, too much complaining isn't good either. Nobody likes a Debby Downer.

But a little sincere complaining now and then? Go for it! It's your right! I won't take it away from you.  Just remember, there's a delicate balance with complaining - not too much, and it has to be sincere. But I believe in you. You got this.

I feel better now.

Wednesday Thoughts

This morning on my way to work I was listening to my favorite radio station and the DJ's were talking about the Tigers "at bat" songs. All three DJs then said what their at bat songs would be if they were a Tiger. Of course, this got me thinking about what I would choose. So I spent the first couple hours of my morning listening to my ipod, trying to find the best song if I were a different person (a man who's good at baseball and is a professional player) and had to pick the perfect song. These are the top four I came up with:

Back in Black - ACDC
Tom Sawyer - Rush
E-Pro - Beck
Kashmir - Led Zeppelin

I decided E-Pro would be the best of the four but it was a tough call. (My day has obviously been really stressful.)

I'm really curious what the rest of you would pick. What's the song that gets you pumped and that would get the crowd going?

You don't know how hard it was for me to leave out songs from musicals from this list. But I wouldn't want the crowd turning on me so I stuck with these four.

Sidenote: I want to talk to the guy in charge of the music about NOT playing Journey's "Don't Stop Believing" because inevitably someone sitting by me says, "you know, there's really no such thing as 'south Detroit.'" Then I have to politely respond when in my head I'm thinking sarcastic thoughts about how I've heard that a million times.... You know, I just realized I should save this rant for my "I've got a lot of problems with you people" feature. More later.

In unrelated thoughts, this Sunday is Easter which means, besides the religious aspects which really are important to me, it is also the day of my family's Peep diorama competition. You guys, I never win this and it's starting to bug me. Not just because I want to win, but because the same two people win every year (my cousin and her husband) and it's time to knock them off their throne (very Eastery of me huh?).

I have no memory of my Peep diorama from last year (probably why I didn't win) but for 2012 I did an election themed diorama. Note the attention to detail (Obama is a chocolate Peep):

In 2011, I did a "Hide yo Peeps" diorama after the autotuned "Hide yo kids" hit. Unfortunately, I had to explain it to too many people. That was my downfall there and cost me a lot of votes.

I have a pretty good idea for this year having to do with Adele Dazheem but I'm afraid it'll fall into the same trap is the Hide yo Peeps debacle of '11. Everyone gets two votes including the kids and if the kids don't know what it is, you're done. Just pack your bags. You never had a chance. Maybe a Frozen theme?

What do you guys think? I need your help!

Happy Wednesday!

Wednesday Thoughts

Sometimes I feel like I just don't care about the Royal Family enough (or any celebrity family, really). After reading a hard hitting article about whether or not Kate should cut her hair (many people with too much time on their hands think it's high time she does), I noticed how incredibly cute the Royal baby is:

Chubby baby cheeks!! What could be better??

The article included the cost of the baby's outfit (77 pounds - DANG!) and where to purchase it. I found myself thinking, "I wish I cared enough to buy that outfit for a friend's baby," and "What is my opinion about Kate's hair?" But I just couldn't muster an opinion at first. But the more I thought about it, I started to find myself curious about what she will decide and I wondered what her hair would look like short and suddenly I couldn't wait to find out!

It was a wonderful moment of escapism. And I wanted to stay there. But the moment only lasted a minute.

Then I had to put my new inserts in my shoes that the orthopedic surgeon gave me this morning (to help my achilles tendons) and read a recipe for "lighter egg salad."

So I guess that's kind of exciting.

.............

I'm going to be real with you guys- it's been a loooooooong day and I'm just going to wrap it up for now. More soon!

Happy Wednesday!

I got a lot of problems with you people!

This week my sister, Katherine, started a blog called "the glad gazette" in which she intends to collect stories of people telling positive stories. When she told me about this, it made me feel kinda bad that I've been thinking about starting a new feature on my blog called "I got a lot of problems with you people!" wherein I vent about whatever is ticking me off at the moment.

But I figured I'd do it anyway.

The title, of course, comes from Frank Costanza as part of his Festivus "airing of grievances" and is one of my favorite tv quotes ever. Mainly because of the way it's delivered - with lots of anger.

Welcome, newcomers. The tradition of Festivus begins 

with the airing of grievances. I got a lot of problems with 

you people! And now you're gonna hear about it! - Frank Costanza

 

Soon after he delivers this speech, he loses his train of thought:

FRANK: (To George) Quiet, you'll get yours in a minute. 

Kruger, you couldn't smooth a silk sheet 

if you had a hot date with a babe... I lost my train of thought.

 To me, this is the best part. And very relateable to me as I am often all worked up about something, then a moment later, over it and ready to move on with my life.

And to clarify, the "people" I have a problem with might not always be people. They might be things. Like, for example, right now I'm really fed up with Breathe Right Nose Strips. My allergies have been awful lately, so I picked up a box of these the other day. They work great at first, opening my nose right up and making it easier to breathe.

But I guess at some point in the night, I get annoyed with having it on and tear it off. I never have any idea where it is in the morning. Last summer, while camping in Colorado Springs with some friends, I lost one in a borrowed sleeping bag. I never did find it (I'm still sorry about that, Emily). 

This morning, I went through the painful process of ripping one off my thigh. Yesterday I pried one from my quilt. A few days ago, while working on a family project, my sister said to me, "what's that on your arm?" And that's why, 

I got a lot of problems with you, Breathe Right Nose Strips!

And thus begins my new blog feature.

On the Muppets

This weekend I saw the new Muppets movie with my niece. We loved it - it was really funny. I'm a big fan of Ricky Gervais's comedy so I was looking forward to seeing him in it. There were lots of catchy songs and some truly funny scenes. My niece and I laughed a lot and enjoyed it.

But liking the Muppets hasn't always been easy for me. I may have mentioned this on here before but when I was a kid I was secretly scared of the Muppets. I didn't tell anyone because I knew they would just say the Muppets weren't real which I knew in my head but also wasn't totally convinced of. It just seemed like I wouldn't want to run into a Muppet in a dark alley. (Except Kermit of course.)

The thing about the Muppets is that they were always working in that old theater which kind of scared me as a kid. I felt like they were always one failure away from a life on the streets. And some of them seemed like they had already lived a rough life. Matted fur, a feeling of desperation, wild hair, language problems, I could go on and on.

I mean, look at Gonzo:

He looks like a bookie. Or a drunk. Or a junkie. Or a used car salesman. Or a con artist. He definitely looks shifty. That much I know for sure.


And then there's Fozzie Bear:

I like Fozzie. He has a real grandfather vibe to him. Which makes it even harder to stomach the fact that he looks like a toy that was on the bottom of your toy box for years and you just discovered. His fur is super matted, and the scarf? That belonged to your grandmother and you tied it around Fozzie when you were a kid. Fozzie looks like a down on his luck old man bear which is just so sad. His life should be better by now. It worries me.

And onto Rizzo:

I mean, he's a rat. And where did he get that pizza!? That was my pizza!


And this guy:

Sidenote: I never liked that the guy with glasses didn't have eyes.

I don't know his name but his head really freaks me out! It kind of reminds me of the worst part of Beetlejuice - the part with the shrunken heads. I mean, really. What IS this thing????

The rest of the Muppets, I guess I'm ok with. I'll never understand the relationship between Kermit and Ms. Piggy. It's confusing and physically impossible. But Kermit is great. Definitely the best Muppet.

Who is your favorite Muppet? Do you find any of them scary? Or do you think my childhood discomfort with them was totally unfounded?

Wednesday Thoughts

Whoops - I wrote this yesterday and forgot to post it. Here it is, a day late! 

There's a crazy person in my life. I don't mean quirky every day crazy, I mean the kind of crazy that makes you nervous. The kind of crazy where you picture them doing this a lot:

Or this:

And you just lay low for awhile until they start focusing their crazy in a different direction.

But the good news is that it's getting warmer. And because of that, I've been getting out on walks and enjoying the outdoors again instead of raising my fist at it. Though I do sometimes mutter "get out of here" to the piles of snow still on the ground while clenching my fist.

It's so nice being outside again. I still went outside and went on walks in the winter, but I was angry all the time because of the cold, ice, and snow. In fact, that gif of Kristin Wigg above accurately shows the look on my face while on walks during this past winter.

I may have mentioned this here before, but I knew someone once who told me that I am totally different in the summer. I'm a much happier version of myself. You would think that living almost my whole life in Michigan, I would be used to the winter. Maybe I'm just not cut out for it.

So now that winter is finally being ushered out, I thought I should think of the things I do like about winter.

*Christmas time. The snow is more than welcome at Christmas.
*Hot chocolate. I love hot chocolate so much. Especially with homemade marshmallows.
*TV time. There's nothing else to do.

I think that's it. I really tried to think of more things but I got annoyed every time I thought of something. For example, I was going to write "snow days" but then I thought about the fact that on a snow day, my car is covered in snow which I have to clean off. Then the roads are a complete mess and parking at work (on the street) is impossible for days after the snow day. Or weeks, as the case may be. Wait, no, make that months.

I think I need some distance before I can show winter any love.

Will you miss anything about it?

Happy Wednesday!