Observations on coming home...

...from vacation:

*I can smell what the inside of my car smells like again. From time to time people get in my car and say that my air freshener smells good. I wouldn't know because I've become accustomed to the smell of my car. But after being away from it for a week I could smell it for the first time since I bought it last December. Well, that's not completely true. A couple months ago my car smelled rank because I left a container with watermelon juice in the back of the car for a few days. That smell made itself known. But under normal circumstances, I can't smell my car.

*While I was on vacation, eggs became poisonous. This breaks my heart because eggs are one of my top three favorite foods. Here's a tweet from Conan O'Brien that sums up my feelings:

"The FDA egg recall has hit a total of 380 million eggs. I can't wait till they find the tired, evil hen that did this."

Maybe it's time I start raising chickens of my own so I can eat eggs again. I just hope I don't accidentally buy a rooster, like Kramer did (and some other people I know who will remain nameless).

Ok, I've spent far too much space talking about chickens and eggs for one post, so moving on....

*I wish I could tell you about my blind dates, because who doesn't love a good blind date story? But it's too risky. Yes, this is the end of the reflections on blind dates.

*Michigan is humid. My hair was flat in Utah and it's an afro in Michigan. Which is better? That's how I'll determine where I live the rest of my life. ;)

Ok, those are all the reflections I have for now... I'm home and trying to wrap my head around going back to work. But after spending time with friends and family today, I'm remembering that being home from vacation isn't too bad.

She had man hands!

Occasionally I am accused of being too picky when it comes to dating. This accusation never comes from people who know me well. It almost always comes from people I haven't seen in years and who, upon finding out I am still single, feel the need to say, "are you really picky or something?" I can't help but be offended by this because I think my standards are pretty reasonable - I'm just looking for a guy who's six feet tall, has brown hair, plays the piano, speaks Japanese and Spanish, has one blue eye and one brown, is rich, has six toes, and has exactly 10 freckles on each arm. I think we can all agree that that's not asking too much.

But honestly, I don't think I'm too picky. I do have certain hopes as far as religion, goals, and personality are concerned, but I think everyone has some basic expectations. I mean, marriage is serious business, right? And I'm nowhere near as bad as Jerry Seinfeld was. I take comfort in that. I've never broken up with anyone becuase of the way he eats peas.

But while I'm not as picky as people think I am, I will admit that I'm occasionally turned off by stupid things. Things that honestly don't matter in the long run. Don't get me wrong - if I were interested in a guy and he did one of these things, I wouldn't break up with him.

I wish that I could tell you some of the things that annoy me but I think it's best that I keep them to myself. (I may reveal more in the comments section later - it's safer there). I get enough criticism from married friends as it is. But I will tell you that most of my stupid hang ups have to do with word pronunciation. Like ending the word height with a "th" sound. And some others I won't get into but that are equally trivial, to be sure. (This only applies to native speakers of English, of course. How could I get annoyed with a man with an accent?)

I know, I know - it doesn't matter how a guy pronounces words as long as he's a good guy, etc, etc.... I know. (Wow, I'm being really defensive and you didn't even say anything! Sorry. I'm anticipating criticism.)

But I suspect that you have stupid hang ups too - am I wrong? And even if you're married, I bet you had stupid things you hated when you were single. Things that shouldn't change the way you look at your date but do anyway. Just a little bit. Things like the way they eat or the way they dress, the fact that they hate dogs (gasp), or even the way they sneeze. Would you be willing to share any?

New Year's Resolutions

Some of you may remember these New Year's Resolutions I made on my blog last year. But don't feel bad if you don't remember because I didn't.

1. Don't miss an episode of Lost. Yes. Easy. Was there any doubt I could keep this one?
2. Eat at least one meal a day. It was hard, but I managed.
3. Laugh really really hard at Seinfeld reruns. Moops! (That's Seinfeld for yes)
4. Hug my nieces and nephews three times (minimum) per visit. It was hard, but I managed.
5. Use more italics in this blog. I made a concerted effort with this one, and I have to say, I succeeded.

We can do it. I'm pretty sure.

Hey guys! Ready for a new year? Well, ready or not, it's here. I for one am so ready to start a new year. I've already forgotten almost everything about 2008. And yes, I am making (and so far keeping - third day and I haven't given up yet!) New Year's resolutions. I know some people don't believe in making New Year's resolutions. I've heard people say it's pointless and that they never keep them, so why make them? To each his own, I suppose. But I am a believer in New Year's resolutions. Yes, I often fail at them, but I succeed at them at times too. And why not keep trying if you fail? (Isn't there an old adage about that?) If it makes you feel better, you could make new goals for yourself on a different day - like your birthday or Groundhogs day or Labor Day or something. Your choice.

Some of you might be wondering what my resolutions are. Sorry, that's private. Plus, if I tell you, you'll hold me accountable if I fail. I'll already be feeling bad enough if that happens, and I don't need you hovering over my shoulder asking, "are you suuuure you want to eat that?" Oops, that may have given away one of my resolutions. No more hints!

My birthday is coming up which actually helps me with my New Year's goals since I will also be starting a new age with the new year. I'm pretty sure this is the magic age where all women start lying about their age. Or at least, I will be. Count on it. So don't ask how old I'll be - or do ask, just don't expect an honest answer. Fair enough?

Anyway, what with the new year and a new age, I'm feeling motivated. Some of my goals are pretty lofty, and might take awhile to achieve. So I'm thinking about making a few that are easily achievable to go along with them. I think that will boost my self esteem and empower me to keep the harder ones, such as waiting for the Snuggie to get off backorder. Here's a list of these easier goals:

1. Don't miss an episode of Lost.

2. Eat at least one meal a day.

3. Laugh really really hard at Seinfeld reruns.

4. Hug my nieces and nephews three times (minimum) per visit.

5. Use more italics in this blog. So far so good.

Let me know if you think of any other fun and easy goals. Good luck with your goals! Here's to 2009, the best year ever!

And that's why I'm still single.

My friend Sarah and I get together 2-3 times a week to work out. Along with exercising, these sessions are mostly about catching up and talking about our lives - one part of our lives in particular really. I'd say the breakdown of our conversations is something like this:


5% how was your day
5% miscellaneous
90% men/dating

We talk about guys we're interested in, dates we go on (Sarah has the most hilarious date stories of anyone I know), and dissect much more than we actually should. Should I confess that? (Too late.) We talk about the good and the bad. But one thing I've noticed lately is that many of our stories or complaints end with the conclusion, "....And that's why I'm still single."

Now, I should make it clear that we take equal responsibilty for things occassionally going badly - we don't just blame the guys. Recently I told a story which upon telling, made me realize that I handled a certain situation badly. We laugh sometimes when we realize that we probably don't always know what we're doing in the dating department (and that's why we're still single!). I mean, why else would two smart, fun, attractive, humble women still be single, right?

In thinking about this, I've come up with two solutions to solve my dating problems. One: ask a guy friend to go on a date with me. I'd tell him up front that it was a "teaching" date, but we'd never mention that while on the date - otherwise it wouldn't be natural (as if anyone can be "natural" on a date). He would observe my dating behavior and at the end give me feedback. Of course, to make it realistic, he'd pay for the date. I mean, it'd have to feel real, right?

The only problem with this one is that if he gives me negative feedback, I might get mad and try to break up with him. Then he'd have to remind me that we're just friends and let's face it - things might be awkward for awhile.

My second idea is to do what George Costanza from Seinfeld did at one point, and that is to do everything the opposite of what my instincts tell me. If it worked for George, it's guaranteed to work for me, right? For example, if I feel like I should not call a guy, I'll call him. If I am too scared to talk to him, I'll approach him. Um... this one sounds like a lot more work than the first one and much scarier.

See what I mean? Already I'm rejecting two perfectly good, reasonable ideas. One thing is for sure though, in discussing our dating lives Sarah and I have learned something important: we know what not to do, but we don't know what to do. Ok, that's not true. We don't know what not to do either. One of these days we'll figure it out, but until then, our work out sessions will have to double as dating therapy sessions. And hopefully someday these sessions won't end with the same refrain.

These pretzels are making me thirsty

There are certain questions that really stress me out when asked. Questions like,

• What are you doing with your life?
  
• Why aren't you married yet?
  
• How did you get to be so ridiculously good looking?
  
• What's your favorite episode of Seinfeld?

It's this last one that I find the most stressful, and it's the one I want to briefly talk about. It's not uncommon for me to say (or think) about any given situation, "this reminds me of that episode of Seinfeld...." and though I haven't watched the show much lately, I know it much better than I care to admit and occasionally try to figure out what my favorite episode is.

My sister Katherine and I have an ongoing conversation about this. We've both seen every episode of the show at least three times - lines from the show flow in and out of our dialogue with ease. They need no explanation - we know exactly what the other means when they say, "these pretzels are making me thirsty" or "I hear thee." Boy...this sounds pathetic now that I see it typed out. Moving on...

We decided that it's impossible to choose one favorite and apparently we take this very seriously, so we came up with our top three. Certain episodes move in and out of the top three, but in case you were wondering, we agree (for now) that our top favorites are:

1. The frogger (so many great scenes in this one, including the one where Elaine eats the antique cake she finds in Peterman's mini-fridge)
2. The little Jerry (the one where Kramer buys a chicken that turns out to be a rooster. He names it Little Jerry and enters it in cock fights. This episode also has the "I hear thee" line. It's a classic.)
3. The chicken roaster (Kramer and Jerry switch apartments and start acting like each other)

Now you know. I'm sure you were wondering, and I'm glad I could answer your unspoken question.