And the election is still 8 months away, which means 8 more months of debates, hurt feelings, threats to move to Canada, crying, binge eating, slamming doors, bad hair cuts, robocalls, burnt cookies, and so on. 8 more months of that stuff.
So to help us all get through it, I thought I'd come with:
Elizabeth's Guide to Surviving Election Season
1. Delete your Facebook account and go back to Myspace. Or better yet, Friendster. No wait, better yet still: snail mail. (Oh! Chain letters! Remember how much fun those were?)
2. If you can't bring yourself to delete your Facebook account, "hide" everyone with obnoxious political opinions. But just to mix it up, "unhide" Farmville requests.
3. Change your profile picture to something like this:
It's sort of a catch-all. No one is really sure who you're voting for. Or if you're in your right mind at all! Win/win!
4. When a friend asks you your political feelings, start playing the "repeat game" that five year olds have mastered. It'll go something like this:
Person A: "So, what do you think of Ron Paul?"
You: "So, what do you think of Ron Paul?"
A: "That's what I said."
You: "That's what I said."
A: "What are you doing?"
You: "What are you doing?"
A: "Oh, I get it, you're repeating me!"
You: "Oh, I get it, you're repeating me!"
A: "I'm an idiot."
You: "You're an idiot."
5. No matter which candidate people are talking about, say, "If he wins I'm moving to Canada." Do some research on Canada. Find out that's where Avril Lavigne is from. Change mind.
6. On election day, go to the polls and write in "Mickey Mouse." For the next four years, say, "don't blame me, I voted for Mickey Mouse." Be that guy.
With these tips you and I can make it through 2012 stronger than ever. Until December anyway, because that's when the world will end.
Oh! And happy Leap Day!
*the Orange party is a party that I just made up. It focuses on eating creamcicles, Cheetos, and cheddar cheese, raising Clown Fish, drinking Fanta, and repeating our motto, "Orange is the new black."